12 Teacher Hookups

Lots of kids fantasize about their teachers. After all, who else do you spend a good deal of time just looking at?  Not your parents or friends -- you're interacting with them, or looking at something else.  But teachers stand at the front of the room and talk. And talk. While you look.

If you're lucky, you'll catch a glimpse of their biceps or bulge.

If you're very lucky, you'll see them outside of class, maybe with their shirts off.

If you're very, very lucky, you'll get to do more than look.

Through high school, college, and grad school, I've had over 50 male teachers and professors.  I've had hookups, sausage sightings, or bulge sightings with 15.

Denkmann Elementary School:

1. Mr. Davis (Math).  Everyone thought he was my uncle, and I was surprised myself to find Davises in the world that I wasn't related to.  Black hair, sharp features, and big, expressive hands. Years later, someone told me that he was a fixture at the Hawaiian Lounge, Rock Island's gay bar, so I looked him up.

Washington Junior High:

2. Mr. Barker (Gym and Health).  Short ruddy complexion, wrestler's build, gigantic biceps that strained against the fabric of his white polo shirts, and, when he walked, a bulge that visibly shifted.

3. Mr. Peterson (Science). Black hair, blue eyes, always smiling, always wore a white shirt and tie.  He caught me and Dan drawing a satiric picture, and said "If you have so much free time on your hands, you can stay after school and help me wash test tubes."  Afterwards he bought us hamburgers.  Best detention ever!

Rock Island High School:

4. Mr. Manary (History).  Young, hip, insisted that students call him by his first name, Tall, thin, clean-cut, tight-muscled.  He was the one who made the most homophobic statement I ever heard, years later.

 5. Mr. Blowfish (Speech), pretentious, prissy, sarcastic, condescending  I didn't hookup with him, but years later, I dated his son, Sammy Blowfish.

6. Mr. Hart (Music).  Slim, red-haired, horn-rimmed glasses, with an amazing bulge, led the orchestra, kept hopping up and down, his Kielbasa+++ visible.  He kept pushing me to excel in music, signing me up for contests and competitions.

He even gave me instruction in music theory in a pre-dawn "special class.

Augustana College

7. Dr. Morrow (Music Cultures of the World).  The only black teacher I had to that point, very, very solid, muscular  physique.  I'm not usually into backsides, but whenever Dr. Morrow turned his back to the class, my interest was piqued.

 I was the only white student in the class, so he may have gone out of his way to make me feel welcome.  And he did! He invited me to a concert of Indonesian music in Iowa City, where we had to spend the night in a hotel.

8. Dr. Burton, the muscle bear who held end-of-the-semester handcuff parties at Augustana, but he doesn't really count, since I knew him before I registered for his class.

Indiana University

9. Dr. Singer from Indiana University, who Viju and I competed over, and two more.

10. Dr. Kirtis (Russian Folklore).  Hungarian.  Coolest guy in the world. Invited the whole class over to his house for a pool party, where I saw him in a swimsuit cooking on a grill.  He asked, "Boomer, can I serve you my Bratwurst?" I looked at his crotch and said "Sure!"

University of Southern California

11. Dr. Bertan (Augustan Literature).  Graduate of Harvard and Princeton, spoke in extremely precise English, always wore a suit with a bow tie and carried a briefcase.  Corrected our papers in a precise pen, in red ink.  Impossible to imagine him being intimate with anyone, or even taking his clothes off.  That's what made him attractive.

Long Island

12. Dr. Chester (Sociology of Sport), a former professional wrestler.  I never took any of his classes, but I saw him in the hallway, and at department functions.  One day I saw him in the bathroom,unwrapping his gigantic faculty member, easily a Kovbasa (see My Top 15 Sausage Sightings).