Wednesday, June 3, 2015

104 Naked Men

On The Mary Tyler Moore Show back in the 1970s, Mary Richards complains that she's 36 years old. She started dating at age 16, and she goes on about two dates per week.  That's 2,000 dates, and she still hasn't found Mr. Right.

She's horrified by the waste, but I was intrigued.  2,000 dates.  What's wrong with going to movies, concerts, plays, museums, and dinners 2000 times?

She had a fiance for four years (400 dates), and assuming 10 other long-term boyfriends (50 dates each), and an average of 3 dates with the rest before dumping them, that's 377 men.  What's wrong with talking to 377 men, discussing books and movies, hearing their stories, getting to know them?

And seeing them naked?

Ok, in 2009, when I met Troy, I was 48 years old.  By the time Mary Richards got to that age, she would have dated 576 men.  Let's see how I stack up:

I'm going to count a "date" as a preplanned evening event involving a meal or entertainment with an individual who is recognized as a current or potential romantic partner.  That excludes daytime activities, evenings with friends, informal "hanging out," parties, sharing, and hookups.

High School and Before: 0.  None of the guys I went out with recognized that we were current or potential romantic partners.

Augustana College. 8, including Fred the Ministerial Student, Brian, Mickey (the Russian guy I met at the Des Moines Gay Pride Parade), and Bob (the Greek Orthodox priest with the pushy mom).  I'm going to count Professor Burton, the guy with the handcuff parties, too.

Indiana University: 5, including Jimmy the Bodybuilder on Crutches, Scott the Shy Undergraduate, and the assistant to the attorney general of the State of Indiana.

Hell-fer Sartain, Texas: 2.  A lot of hookups, not many dates, just the Cowboy Cop on my Sausage List and a crazy New Age guy.

West Hollywood: 23.  Long-term relationships with Raul and Lane, several boyfriends, including Alan and my celebrity boyfriend, plus the Bulgarian Bodybuilder, Marcus with the Beneath-the-Belt Mystery, the Most Conservative Professor on Campus, the Thug on my Sausage List, and the Cowboy of Kangaroo Island, Several from Mugi, including guys from Burma, Cambodia, Thailand, and Vietnam.  A few more celebrities.

Nashville: 3. I only spent a semester there, but I dated three guys, including the Medieval Knight, the Country-Western Singer, and Larry, who discovered that his fetish was being spanked.

San Francisco: 4.  Long-term relationship with Lane and a steady boyfriend with Kevin the Vampire didn't leave much time for dating.

New York: 16.  When I turned 40, every twink on Earth started pushing and shoving to get into my bedroom.  Two long-term boyfriends, Blake and Joe.  Yuri (we dated twice before we started being just friends).  Jaan, Nastiest Guy in the World, the other Joe, Avi, the Biggest Guy on my Sausage List, the Filipino on my Sausage List, and the guy who got a demon exorcised out of him.

Florida: 18.  The twink trend continued in Florida, with Matt the Security Guard, the Frisian Bodybuilder, the Comic Book Guy, Randy (Hurricane Party), the High School Bodybuilder, Fabian (for whom everything was fabulous!), and several more.

Dayton: 12. Paul, Charlie, the Linguist who wouldn't shut up, Carlos who had a secret, the Blind Guy.  And I'm going to count my Friend with Benefits, since we had dinner.

Upstate: 13.  Nine dates with members of the Gang of Twelve, plus a few miscellaneous dates before I started dating Troy in the fall of 2009.

Total: 104!  

Why so few?

1. In gay communities it is considered vulgar to date several guys at once.  It's one, then see if it works out, then another.
2. You tend to give relationships more time, dating for several months before going on to the next.
3. There are no clear-cut divisions between boyfriends and friends. You can go out with a friend, and spend the night afterwards, but not classify it as a date.
4. There are many more social activities that aren't classified as dates.  Spending time at home, in pairs or groups, having brunch or lunch, having people over for dinner, cruising together, going to bear parties and to the beach.
5. Breaking up with a romantic partner does not mean that the relationship, or the sexual activity, will end.

Or maybe heterosexuals are more promiscuous.

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