Here are the 10 ugliest well-hung guys I could find on the internet.
1. Backward baseball caps do not belong on any guy over age 20. And he should find some other hobby besides getting those gross tattoos that draw attention away from his Kielbasa.
2. Nice physique, really nice delts, and a thick Bratwurst, but the room would have to be very dark to hide the tiny round head and Nazi moustache.
3. A good-sized Bratwurst, but the greased-back hair needs work. Maybe the dopey expression is due to selfie-taking concentration.
4. Gigantic Kovbasa, even when you consider the camera angle and photoshopping. But who can pay attention to the shaft with that face looming out at you? Another dark room for this guy.
5. Probably photoshopped, still a thin 8" garden hose. But the skinny arms, ugly tattoos, and face like a weasel are definite turn-offs. He'd better have the mother of all scintillating personalities.
More after the break.
6. I'm not sure even a scintillating personality will get me into this guy's Mortadella+ Tattoos everywhere, including on his belly button, ugly face, and what's with the peaked hair?
7. The gypsy bandana doesn't make him look mysterious and exotic, it makes him look like a kid playing dress-up with his mother's scarves. And the dopey stare? Well, at least he has nice abs and a thick Mortadella.
8. A word of advice: seven or eight hours of sleep every night, and shave every morning. But your face, not your pubic hair. Shaved pubs are ok if you're very small, so the guy going down on you doesn't get a mouthful of hair, but they look ridiculous on an uncut Mortadella.
9. The toothless smile, sharp nose, beady eyes, and crazy hair distract me from his Kovbasa. Maybe if he's really persistent and brings me presents.
10. The winner, the Ugliest Well-Hung Guy on the internet, comes from a website called hotoldermen.com. He's definitely not hot, and he's definitely not older, but he's definitely ugly. Check out the gaunt druggie face and skinny arms covered with tattoos. A thick Bratwurst", but I'd still have to pass.
Don't be trolling me about how these guys are actually gorgeous. The nice thing about physical attraction is that there are no universal standards. No matter what you look like, you're someone's ideal of perfection.
And context is important. A static photo doesn't tell you much. Maybe if you encounter the guys in real life, animated, smiling, they'll seem attractive after all.
Even without the 11" beneath the belt.