Wednesday, October 5, 2016

The Last Half of My Scary Date with the Teenage Lawnboy

West Hollywood, March 1995

After my scary half-date with the jailbait lawnboy James in October 1992,  I thought I'd never see him again.  But he continued to live in Rosa's apartment building with his parents and mow the lawn and cut the hedges, and somehow we started hanging out.

He came over on Thursday nights, to watch The Simpsons and Cheers with us and hear about gay history and culture. He invited us to his basketball games, told us about the boys and men he was crushing on.  We had dinner with his parents, who told us that we were a wonderful influence on him.

James was constantly getting bigger and taller, until he was a head taller than me, with a slim, smooth basketball player's physique.  He wore glasses most of the time, which gave him a studious look.

But we insisted on nothing intimate except for cuddling on the couch.  He was probably our only friend that we hadn't seen naked.

The lack of physical intimacy added an unexpected new dimension to the friendship, a sort of famiy bond.  Lane was an only child, and my brother Ken, though two years younger, was always bigger, more aggressive, "older."  James was like the kid brother we never had.

I forgot all about my promise to "finish the date" on his 18th birthday, March 5th, 1995 -- I said it on the spur of the moment, and never thought he would take it seriously.

But James didn't forget.  In the spring of 1995, he started bringing it up:

"Only two months until our date!"

"I've been practicing for our date.  Wanna see? [He lies on the floor and pulls his legs behind his head]"

"You'd better rest up-- I'm going to keep you busy all night!"

"Is Lane going to just watch, or join in?  I don't care if he wants to join us, but I'm going to spend most of the night with you, ok?"

Gulp...After two and a half years of big brothering, the idea of sexual intimacy with James seemed weird, sort of incestuous.  I didn't want to go through with it...but how could I back out now?

1. Not into Anal

Remembering how he pulled his legs behind his head, I told him, "I hope you're not disappointed. I'm not into anal.  Neither is Lane."

He grinned.  "That's a relief!  I was going to do it if you wanted me to, but it's a little scary, you know, since you can get AIDS that way, even if you use a condom.  Besides, I've been practicing on getting my throat ready for you. Want to see how low I can go?"  He went into the kitchen, found a banana, and went to work.

2. Into BDSM

"My main thing is really BDSM," I said, "So I'll want to you to be tied up most of the night.  That's ok, isn't it?"

I expected James to say "Sorry, that's not my thing."

Nope.  "Wow -- do you have your own handcuffs? You can be a cop and interrogate me!  Or I can be James Bond, and you can torture me for information."

3. Set  Infinite Chazz on Him

"I'll tell you what to do," Lane said.  "James is obviously more into you than me, so I'll sit this one out."

"That doesn't help me any," I pointed out, "And it violates the rules of our relationship."

"Not at all.  If one of us is out of town, the other can use a close friend as a substitute for sharing, right?  I'll just find an excuse to be out of town, and my substitute will be someone so hot that James will spend the night with him -- you'll just be there to watch.  I suggest Infinite Chazz."

I met Infinite Chazz three years ago, when I was working at a camp for juvenile delinquents.  Now he was 20 years old, living in Orange County with his father and stepmother and taking classes at Cal State Fullerton: slim and smooth with a tight chest, perfect tight abs, nice biceps, veiny hands, and an impressive Mortadella+ beneath the belt.

Chazz was only about two years older than James.  They would share pop culture references, musical tastes, teen idols, even Tiny Toon Adventures -- a perfect match.

Besides, we called Chazz "infinite" because he was infinitely attractive, sure to draw the attention of every man -- or 18 year old boy -- who came within five feet of his dazzling smile and even more dazzling penis. He came up to West Hollywood every couple of weeks for sharing and making the guys at the synagogue or the MCC die of envy.

A couple of months ago, I used him as "bait" to draw Tim the Gay Comic's attention away from Lane.  Now I could use him to draw James' attention away from me.

James and Chazz had never met, but they were both ok with the substitution.   So on Sunday, March 5th, Lane drove down to Long Beach for a sleepover with his friend Randall (so he wouldn't be lying).  Chazz arrived around 5:00 pm, and we went to pick up James and have dinner at the French Quarter.

They hit it off so well, talking about Jonathan Brandis and Mario Lopez, Dave's World and Coolio, Mexican fried ice cream and the various designs of skateboards, that I began to feel like a third wheel.  Maybe this would turn into more than a sharing experience, James' first long-term romance.

After lunch we went back to my apartment.  There were no more preliminaries -- each of us knew what was going to happen next.  So we went directly into the bedroom and pulled into a group hug.

I kissed Chazz for a long time while he was fondling James.  Then I pushed their two heads together and moved out of the way.  But James followed, put his arms around me, and kissed me.

A good kisser, for an 18-year old.

He pulled my shirt off and started kissing and fondling my chest.  Chazz got on his knees, unzipped James, and started going down on him.  I saw that he had a thick dark Bratwurst+, uncut.

James pushed him off to unzip and go down on me.  Not bad -- he had been practicing on bananas, after all. Chazz fondled his butt.

"Not into anal," James murmured.

"Ok."  Chazz got on his knees and tried to go down on James while he was going down on me, but there was no room.  I lay on the bed, and James moved into the interfemoral position, lying atop me and thrusting between my legs while kissing me.

Leaving Chazz with nothing to do.

I rolled James off me.  Chazz tried to push his Mortadella+ into James' mouth, but he said "I don't like that position."

How did he know?  How many guys had he been with? 

With little else to do, I went down on James.  He finished instantly, then raised me up.  "That's ok, I can finish five times a night.  You're not tired yet, are you?"  He drew me into a kiss.

"Um...remember, I'm into BDSM..." I murmured.

"Oh, right.  Tie me up and interrogate me!"  He pushed his hands behind his back invitingly.

I did a scene where I tied up both Chazz and James and "forced" them to kiss and then do 69.  The one who finished last would get "punished."

James didn't finish at all.  "Sorry, I couldn't concentrate."

"It's ok."  I went down on him while Chazz lay on the other side of the bed, and he finished instantly.

It was like that all night.  The moment Chazz got near him, James shrank.

Chazz left early in the morning so he could get to the university by 9:00.  James stuck around for breakfast and to say hello to Lane when he returned.

"I hope I wasn't impolite," he said, "But it was really hard to concentrate with Chazz around.  No chest hair, no muscles!  He was like a boy, not a man at all.  Next time, you and Lane, ok?"

I stared, speechless.

See also: The Gay Comic and the Cute Young Thing;  Our Date with Infinite Chazz; and My Scary Half-Date with the Teenage Lawnboy


  1. We had James over a few more times before he moved to Colorado for college, and we lost contact.

  2. The first half of the date: social activities like a movie or dinner. The last half of the date takes place in the bedroom.

  3. Sorry about the inconsistency in the size of Infinite Chazz. I forgot that I gave him some extra inches to enhance the plot.



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