Saturday, February 11, 2017

50 States, 50 Naked Men, Part 2

This is the Part 2 of my list of men I dated, hooked up with, or saw naked in each of th 50 states.  They have to be guys who lived there, not tourists.


27. Alaska.  Flew up to Anchorage for a job interview.  No time for hookups, but I did get a sausage sighting in the men's room at the Club Paris.

28. California.  Waking up with a straight boy in my bed at the Gilroy Garlic Festival.

29. Hawaii.  Never been there.

30. Nevada.  If you think trying to pick up the bartender is tough, try the croupier at a blackjack table at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas.

31. Oregon.  During the Great Redneck Roundup of 1995, Lane and I stopped into a bathhouse in Portland.

32. Washington.  Sausage sighting of a pilot in the men's room at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport.


33. Arizona. In Flagstaff during the Great Redneck Roundup of 1995, Lane and I hooked up with a Hispanic waiter.

34. New Mexico.   Summer 2004: visiting my friend Larry in Santa Fe, cruising in the Navajo Nation, and picking up Jason, the Tucumcari Twink.

35. Oklahoma.  On the way back to Los Angeles from my semester in Nashville, I stopped for the night at a hotel, and went to a gay bar.

36. Texas.  A year (actually just 9 horrible months) in Hell-fer-Sartain, the worst place in the world, but the most memorable was the New Age/Astrology devotee.  I drove all the way down to Galveston to spend the night with him, and in the morning accidentally dropped a ceramic bowl full of plums.  That seemed symbolic, somehow.


37. Kansas.  In 2010, shortly after Matt's mother died and he inherited the house (plus several million dollars), he bought first-class tickets for 20 of his friends to visit Kansas City for a "Black and White Ball."  I "shared" his current boyfriend.

38. North Dakota.  Never been there.

39. South Dakota.  August 2014: I hooked up with a Dakota Indian boy.  At least, that's what I thought.  He turned out to be Anglo-German.


40. Colorado
.  In 2008, I flew out to Denver to visit my friend Dick the Ex-Bully and his partner Jack, and hooked up with a blind guy with an enormous penis.

41. Idaho.  Drove through, didn't stop.

42. Montana. During the Great Redneck Roundup, we stopped in Missoula, Montana.  I went to a redneck bar and met a real cowboy named Jared.

43. Utah.  I'm going to go with the time I flew to Salt Lake City for a gay wedding, and ended up on a date with the groom's grandson, a UU theater arts major.

44. Wyoming.  Cheyenne, Wyoming has six museums, the best Thai restaurant on the Plains, and a weekly bear party that draws over 50 guys from four states.


45. Alabama
.  During my semester in Nashville, Larry and I drove to Huntsville, Alabama to see the U.S. Space Center.  I met an older African-American man who argued about all the good George Wallace did for the country.  We brought him home anyway.

46. Arkansas.  While driving back from Hell-fer-Sartain, Texas, I stopped at a rest stop with a glory hole, and watched a guy masturbate in the next stall.  Nothing else, unfortunately.

47. Kentucky.  In Louisville in 1984, I hooked up with Brother Reid, pastor of the local MCC., a 40-ish bear with a twink boyfriend.

48. Louisiana.  No question: Spring break in New Orleans, and the hustler of Bourbon Street.

49. Mississippi.  On the way south to Hell-fer-Sartin, Texas, in 1984, I stopped in Oxford, Mississippi, and hooked up with an Ole Miss undergrad named Elmer.

50. Missouri. 36 hours of cruising at Lambert International Airport, but I'm going to go with the guy I met at a diner on the way back from Hell-fer-Sartain, Texas.

51. Tennessee.  When I was a kid, we visited Smoky Mountains National Park, on the border of Tennessee and Kentucky, and I got a nice sausage sighting of a teenage Indian god.

See also: Part 1.

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