Thursday, February 23, 2017

How to Attract Twinks

Although I have been a twink magnet for years, the number of twinks varies tremendously.  On some days, every other guy under age 30 gawks at me like I'm a celebrity   On other days, I might as well be invisible: no glances, no stares, no smiles, no nothing.

As an empirical researcher, I've been experimenting to figure out the difference.  What draws the twinks, and what repels them?

The first step in a research project is defining your terms.  I defined a "cruise" as an up-and-down glance (face-crotch-face) of any duration, with the eyes slightly widened, accompanied by either a smile or a rounded mouth (a sign of surprise).

The second step is defining your subjects: who will you be experimenting on.  My subjects were all guys between 18 and 29 years old (estimated age), who were sitting, standing, or walking in a position to see my face and torso.

The third step is locating your data collection sites.  I gathered most data on campus, since I'm there all day and there are a lot of twinks around, but I also used the YMCA, the gay-friendly coffee house, the straight bar downtown, and the jogging trail that leads to the ski lodge.

The last step is collecting and analyzing your data, using percent differences, chi squares, t-tests, or regressions.  I used percent differences: what percentage of the subjects cruised?

Here are the results: my definitive list of the 12 Top Twink Turn-Ons, things that will get you noticed, cruised, and approached for hookups or dates.

1. Tight short sleeved shirts.  This one is a no-brainer.  When I was wearing a heavy winter coat, or even a leather jacket, cruising was limited.  Tight shirt, it increased by 40%.  Your pecs and biceps have to be on display.

2. Scruff.  I never grow a full beard; it doesn't come in properly.  I let the scruff grow out for a few days, then shave.  For the first three days, as the scruff grows, the cruising increases.  Then it tapers off.




3. Bright colors.  Since I have a fair complexion, I usually wear dark colors to avoid a "washed-out" look.  My wardrobe consists mostly of black, navy blue, and dark red.  But on the few occasions that I've worn my bright red or orange shirts, the cruising increases significantly.

4. A business suit.  I usually dress down, but a suit and tie, with its connotations of affluence and prestige, draws the eye.












5. Chest hair.  When I was a kid, the Mean Boys made fun of kids who buttoned the top button of their shirts.  I never do. But when I've accidentally unbuttoned two,  displaying chest hair, cruising increases by about 30%.

6. Baldness.  Sounds weird -- isn't baldness supposed to be a sign of lack of virility?  But think of all the bald hunks on tv and in the movies -- Omar Shariff, Jean-Luc Picard.  I am almost entirely bald on top -- there's just some scruff and stray hairs up there.  When I let them grow out, cruising goes down.  Shave them off -- pay dirt!








7. Morning.  The cruising rate is much higher in the morning, when the twinks are just waking up, than later in the day.  I don't know why.

8. A Smile.  In gay bars, the standard cruising pose is a frown: you represent a passion that is dark, mysterious, and dangerous, not lighthearted and frivolous.  But in the straight world, cruising is all about accessibility, and a smile makes you more accessible.












9. Having a Package.  Not as significant as you might think.  The first glance encompasses your face and torso.  Then, if the guy likes what he sees, he'll glance down at your crotch, then up to check your face in more detail.  You don't get the crotch-glance unless the face and torso is attractive, and he'll return to the face even if he doesn't see anything down below.

10. Carrying a Package.  On the other hand, carrying a package is a significant draw.  It accentuates your chest and biceps, it substitutes for the crotch, and it gives him an excuse to extend his gaze: he could be wondering what's in the box.










11. Having a Wingman.  It's a basic rule of social psychology that you appear more attractive when you're with someone.  Especially when you're over 50, and run the risk of becoming a Creepy Old Guy.  Being with someone eliminates the "creepy old guy" concerns.

12. Cruising Them.  A surprising number of twinks have poor self-images, and they find being cruised enormously flattering.  It can't be blatant, of course, or you'll hit the Creepy Old Guy barrier again.   But they welcome the appreciative face-crotch-face glance, and respond in kind.

So: shaved head, unshaven face, tight bright-colored shirt unbuttond two buttons, package and wing man at the ready?  Choose a morning time, and get out there and cruise.

And don't forget to smile.

See also: How to Cruise Straight Guys




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