A Twink Parade at the Gym

Plains, October 2017

I don't know what's going on.  Yesterday an amazing success rate in hooking up on the world's worst hookup venue, and today a cruising paradise in the world's worst place for cruising.

Gay gyms are good for cruising: lots of pumped-up guys trying to attract attention and phone numbers.

Straight world gyms, not so much: straight men get insulted by the idea that another guy might think they're hot, so they are constantly checking to make sure no one is looking at them.  Any random glance is perceived as a threat, so cruising has to be subtle.  It's easier just to let it go altogether.

The YMCA on the Plains doesn't usually have much to offer anyway: a lot of old, out of shape heteros who spend too much time in the sauna discussing sports matches and the grandchildren's college plans, until they turn into red, sweat-soaked out of shape heteros.

Hardly anyone under age 70, except for groups of little kids -- the ones who have to sign the "under 15" list to work out.

They are cruisy., for some reason, but who wants some 14-year old following him around with a goofy grin on his face?  Seriously, what does he expect me to do, invite him out to dinner?

 But today the stars must have been aligned just right, or maybe karma was rewarding me for passing up that pie at lunchtime, because the staid old YMCA suddenly became a cruising paradise.  Wall to wall hot guys in their 20s and 30s, with as much face-crotch-face glancing as at the Faultline ten minutes before closing.

1, Reddish brown hair, long face, very thin, wearing a t-shirt from a school I had never hard of.  Constant eye contact.

2. Black, thin, diamond earring, sort of fey. Kept watching me on the incline press.  Later I worked on a pulldown and got a good view of him on the exercise bike.  What he had in his pants kept bouncing up and down.

I got a "Hi, how's it going" from him.

3.  Buffed guy in his late 30s, very hairy chest, big biceps, military haircut, working out with a college boy.

"Is that your son?" I asked.

"I'm his coach.  We're in town for a game with the local university."  He mentions a college in Minnesota, about 200 miles away.  That explains the twink parade.

4. Time to make a selection and seal the deal.  I spy a tall, thin guy in his mid 20s with thick brown hair, a handsome face, not much of a physique, wearing a "We are liberal arts" t-shirt.

"What liberal art are you studying?" I ask.  "I majored in modern languages."

He gives me the standard face-crotch-face glance.  "Um...actually it's the College of Liberal Arts at ___ university.  They were having a fundraiser.  I'm a health science major."

"Oh, ok."  I am disappointed -- I wanted to go out with a nice history or philosophy major.  On to the next guy!

"But...I have nothing against the liberal arts," he adds, doing another set of calf raises.  "I've taken classes in languages and philosophy.  This semester I'm taking African Culture and Civilization.  It's just hard to find a job with something like that.  What work do you do?"

"Professor at your rival university."

"Cool!  I'll look for you in the stands tomorrow afternoon."

"Oh, I can't make the game, I'm busy.  But afterwards, if you're not going home right away,  I know a place that serves Ethiopian food.  You can report back to your African Culture Class."



His name is Hunter, by the way.   I'll report on the date.

But karma wasn't finished with me yet.  In the locker room, I stumbled upon:

5. A tall, thin twink with a nondescript physique but a thick cut sausage that hung down about 5" soft.

5 Craigslist Hookups in One Day

Plains, October 2017

Craigslist is the bargain-basement of hookup venues, full of crazy downlow guys who think it's still the pre-Stonewall dark ages.
"Are you a cop?"
"There was someone on the sidewalk, so I was afraid to get out of my car."
"I haven't done anything bisexual before, and..."
"Will you screw me while I'm wearing my black panties and high heels, and tell me I'm a naughty girl?"

Plus they're usually over 100 and extraordinarily out of shape, they show up half-drunk, and they want to watch straight porn while I go down on them.

But the other major hookup apps are not active during the daytime, and last Tuesday I was home all day and in the mood, having not been with anyone except Bob for two weeks, so I resorted to a craiglist ad: "Any age, race, size, but no crazy closet types, no endless questions about exactly what we will be doing.  It's not hard to understand: you come in, sit down, and unzip."

To my surprise, I hit paydirt.  Five guys, each hotter than the last (if you arrange them that way), most not even crazy.

1. Mid-thirties, smooth chest, hung about 7.5", uncut.  Said he worked in dry wall, whatever that is, and was waiting for the rain to let up.

2. Deonte, who I've been with before.  Short black guy, 23, very tight muscles but thin -- I could put my hand around his waist!  At least 8".

3. Trent, mid-20s, gym rat, smooth chest, shaggy hair, average size.  In and out in five minutes, but a memorable five minutes.

4, Jay, age 19, from Iowa, "in town visiting friends."  Says "I've never done this before"  -- yeah, right.  Very tall, smooth chest, a little belly, very long cock.  I went down on him, but realized that he liked nipple play and kissing.  And going  down on me.

"This was my first time doing that with a guy," he said

I looked him up on Facebook.  He really is 19, from Iowa, with a girlfriend.

5. Joey, 21, music major, gay, not bi or downlow, smooth chest, 7".  We immediately started kissing.  He wanted me to do interfemoral.  Unfortunately, an hour after #4, I couldn't oblige, so I went down on him,  We exchanged phone numbers.

It was only 2:00 pm, but I took the ad down.  My jaw was getting tired.