A Guide to Physique Watching

There's nothing like a bulge, or better yet a sausage sighting, but have you ever seen a picture of a penis without the guy it's attached to?  Or gone down on someone in a darkroom without seeing or feeling his body first?  Boring!  We're attracted to everything that makes a man a man, the way he moves, the way he sounds, his clothes, his face, his physique.

Especially his physique, the front of his trunk, his chest, abs, shoulders and arms.

There are eight main types of physiques, dependent on genes and your exercise routine.  Each has its attractions.










1. I like a Bodybuilder's Physique: well-defined, thick muscles, especially triceps (very hard to develop) and abs (a six-pack suggests very low body fat).  The muscles stand out better with dark skin and a shaved or bare chest.

A Bodybuilder's Physique requires a strict diet, a dedicated personal trainer, and at least four hours per day in the gym.  It's physically impossible for many of us, and beyond the emotional and financial reach of most.

2. But not to worry, two hours per day at the gym and a reasonably healthy diet can produce a West Hollywood Physique.

Tight and firm, a v-shaped torso, a flat belly rather than a six-pack and big pecs and biceps -- muscles that are easy to bulk up, and stand out the most when you're dressed in street clothes.  This guy looks like Troy, my boyfriend in Upstate New York.

He's actually pumped up from a recent workout. His usual appearance is somewhat more manageable.

3. The Swimmer's Physique can be had with even less gym time, an hour a day, concentrating on cardio.  The chest and biceps are smaller, lean and hard rather than exceptionally big, and there's more attention paid to the abs.  This works best with an outtie belly button.

4. The Slim Physique comes from minimal weight training and a lot of cardio.  It emphasizes long, smooth lines, with little arm and shoulder development, though there still should be some abs work.    Sometimes it's nice to be able to fit your arms around the guy, and a Slim Physique shows off the penis better: less fat around the pubic mound means that it hangs all the way down.

If you were hung to begin with, a Slim Physique can give you a monster.

5. Since hair tends to decrease definition and draw the eye away from the muscle, a hairy chest works best with physiques that don't emphasize pecs:   The Mediterranean  Physique (because it is commonly found in guys with ancestry from Italy, Greece, and the Balkans) develops the pecs just enough to produce some hardness, and allows a little belly fat over developed abs.  

6. The Bear Physique, only for guys with a hairy chest, comes from weight training without any dietary restrictions.  It results in pec and bicep development plus a layer of fat, a pleasant sense of massiveness.  Very nice for hugging.  This guy looks like Alan, the ex-porn star, except Alan's penis was a big longer.

7. With a Chubby Physique, weight training and cardio should be the minimum necessary to maintain health. You can develop chest and arms if you want, but no one's looking at them: it's all about your belly, which extends at least an inch beyond the waist, a symbol of raw masculine power.

You can't get a chubby belly without accumulating fat in your pubic mound, which encases your penis and makes it look smaller.  Obese men can see it shrink down by half.  So if you are small to begin with, a Chubby Physique is probably not the way to go.

Pop Quiz: Which type of physique is this?

Don't be fooled by the fact that he's supine: in that position much of the belly fat recedes into the abdomen. When he sits up, you'll see that he has a Mediterranean Physique.

A Guide to Bulge Watching

There's no reason for your enjoyment of men's beneath-the-belt gifts to end once you leave the restroom or locker room.  After all, you see 100 or more men fully clothed for every one you see naked.  They are hidden, but with a little practice you can usually see a telltale bulge or outline.

Especially when the guy gets aroused.















Athletic shorts are perfect for bulge-watching.  Football and baseball players usually wear cups that just give the illusion of a bulge while hiding everything, but other athletes just wear jock strap that gathers everything together in one place.

Wrestler's singlets are even better.  They tend to ride up, giving you a perfect outline of the penis and testicles, even when they're not aroused.

Short pants with a light fabric, such as guys wear to the beach, show outlines well.  Particularly if they get wet, or if they guy is engaging in amorous activity.

Or falls asleep.

The best reason to go to the ballet is to check out the baskets in those skin-tight leotards.

















Although I must admit, I've never seen a guy get aroused on stage.  He's usually too busy thinking of his next dance move.

Military and police uniforms typically don't show a lot, but if you are patient, the guy will soon touch his crotch to make sure everything is in the right place.  Most guys do it every few minutes.















Business suits are a problem.  A men's fashion blog tells us that "A well-chosen outfit should direct attention toward the face and help it stand out in the viewer’s mind.  Drawing the eye below the waist does nothing to further that goal."

With that kind of pressure to make the beneath-the-belt gifts invisible, it's hard to get a good look unless he reaches into his pocket to play with it.

But if you look carefully, there will usually be some dents and wrinkles that reveal which side he's hanging on.

Ready?  Ok, does this guy hang left or right (from his point of view)?

Answer: definitely right.

See also: 12 Boyhood Sausage Fondings, Gropes, and Grabs