Jerzy Has 24 Hours to Pick Up a Twink

West Hollywood, August 2017

I'm back in California for a week to visit my old friends and old haunts, staying in West Hollywood with Infinite Chazz.  We're having dinner at Sammy's Thai restaurant on Santa Monica: Chazz, Will the Bondage Boy, Lane, and their partners, plus two other guys.  Most of us are over 50.  Lane and Ben's friend Jerzy is the youngest one there: he just turned 40 a couple of days ago.

Jerzy immigrated from Poland with his parents and baby sister when he was eight years old, went to Cal State Los Angeles and now works in an office down in Lakewood .  He's tall and big-boned, with a rugged face and a severe military haircut, his muscular physique going to fat.  I haven't seen his penis.

We start talking about the problems of being a twink magnet, being approached by young guys constantly, having every hookup turn into a romantic date, being forced into the role of anal top whether you'd much rather be an oral bottom.

"I call b.s.!" Jerzy exclaims.  "Gay culture values youth -- when you turn 40, you're over the hill.  Certainly the twinks don't start lining up to get into your bed!"

"How do you explain my dating a 19-year old college student?" I ask.

"You're a professor, around college students all the time, so what else are you going to meet?"

"I met him at the dentist's office."


 "Expectations.  You think young guys are going to be interested, so you remember the one exception, and forget about the 99% that don't cruise you back."

"Ok, but...I picked up young guys at a restaurant, at the comic book store, at the grocery store, at Lane and Ben's wedding...."

"Well...you live on the Plains, where everybody is El Tubbo.  In L.A. the competition is fierce."

"I get cruised by twinks all the time, too," Chazz says.  "You can't get away from them."

"That doesn't prove anything.  You're Infinite Chazz.  Everybody is interested in you."

"Me, too," Will adds.  "I'm a bondage bottom, but they keep saying 'f** me, Daddy.'"

"You just haven't tried," I say.  "I guarantee that if you went to a twink bar or gym, or LGBT youth center, you'd be getting a phone number a minute."

"Yeah, right," Jerzy says.  "And I guarantee that if you went to a twink bar or gym, you'd die of frostbite from all the shade they'd be throwing."

"That sounds like a challenge."

Chazz smiles.  "How about this: I'll bet that Jerzy can find a guy under age 25  --- no, under 21 -- in the next 24 hours.  At the gym, at the Rage, on Grindr, whatever.  All you have to do is get his phone number."

"What do i get if I succeed?"

"I know you're the world's biggest oral bottom.  We'll meet at my apartment tomorrow night, and if you can prove that you got the phone number of a guy under 21, you can go down on each of us, one at a time -- and let me tell you, there are some massive cocks in this group.  But if you fail, you have to top one of us, whichever asks.  Ok, guys?"

Lane and Ben bow out, but the other guys agree.

Jerzy grins.  "Six cocks just for getting a twink's phone number.  How can I say no?"



Wednesday Night

Chazz offers to let Jerzy spend the night, so he won't have to drive all the way back to Lakewood.  After dinner the three of us hit the Rage, the biggest twink bar in West Hollywood.  Naturally, two guys in their 40s and one who's 56 are ignored by the munchkins buzzing about on the dance floor.

Next we go to the Faultline, the leather/bear bar where Lane and I used to spend many Sunday afternoons.  Not very crowded on a Wednesday night, and the guys there are mostly aging, seasoned leathermen.  I do manage to get cruised by an 20-ish otter, a young, thin guy with a hairy chest.  We make out for awhile, and he gives me his number.  But that's my pickup; Jerzy is mostly ignored.

When we get back to Chazz's apartment, we have a three-way.  Jerzy is good at kissing and very well hung, with a thick uncut Kielbasa.  Chazz and I both go down him, but we won't let him go down on us.

"That's for tomorrow night," Chazz says.  "If you can overcome your aging guilt enough to cruise a twink."

"What you need is a place to show off your muscles," I tell him.  We'll get up at 6:00 and hit the gay gym."


Thursday

Unfortunately, the gay gym is a little short on twinks at 6:30 am.

"Well, where do you go to meet the young guys?" Jerzy asks.

"Everywhere.  Today I was going to go to the Getty Museum, UCLA, and the Santa Monica Pier.  I'm bound to get cruised by a few guys there."

"Ok...I'll take off work today, and go with you.  We'll get the phone numbers of ten Cute Young Things before lunch."

At the Getty Museum, I am cruised by a high school boy on a field trip, but I don't get his phone number.  Jerzy is ignored.

Classes haven't started at UCLA yet, so there aren't many students around, but a cute blond in a UCLA t-shirt strikes up a conversation in the library.  He thinks Jerzy and I are gay dads checking out the campus for their kid.  When he discovers that I'm visiting from the Plains, he offers to take me on an "insider's tour" of Hollywood tomorrow.  Jerzy is ignored.

At lunch, the waiter cruises me.  Jerzy is ignored.

At the Santa Monica Pier, a skateboarding teenager almost runs into us.  In the ensuing conversation, I try to act as Jerzy's wingman, praising him to the hilt.  The skateboarder ignores him.

It's 4:00 pm.  We're suppose to meet at Chazz's apartment in three hours.

"How about a tea-dance at the Toy Tiger?" I suggest.  The bar where every boy is available, for a price.

"No hustlers.  That wouldn't be honest," Jerzy says.  "But I have one more place in mind.  Let me drop you off at Chazz's apartment.  I'l be back at 7:00 pm."

Thursday Night

Six guys gather at Chazz's apartment for snacks and sodas.  Stonewall is playing on tv.   We talk about life on the Plains, how West Hollywood has changed, and the current fascist government, and check the time, waiting for Jerzy to show up.  I tell them about our tour of Los Angeles, and his constantly striking out.  We have no doubt that he will strike out again on his last attempt, and show up empty-handed, and have to act as an anal top instead of an oral bottom.

Then there's a knock on the door.  Jerzy comes in -- with a kid.

A literal kid!  Preteen, maybe ten years old.

Our jaws drop in shock.

"Guys, this is Hunter, my sister's son.  I wanted to stop in and introduce him to all of my friends, and show you the smartphone I bought him.  By the way, I'm the first one he gave his number to."

Hunter politely shakes hands with each of us, and then demonstrates the features of his new phone.

"Ok, we're off for ice cream."  Jerzy grins.  "I'll be back later, after I take Hunter home, to collect my prize."

The deal was: the phone number of a guy under 21.  We never said that it had to be for a date.

See also: How to Attract Twinks

Friends That You Haven't Seen Naked

Q: Is it true that when you lived in gay neighborhoods, you had sex with all your friends?

A.  Yes, if you classify "friend" as someone you see socially on a regular basis.  Remember, most friends started off as guys you dated, so we had sex then.  After we broke up, we shared new boyfriends, cruised together, had sex at parties, or just had sex because...well, why wouldn't you?

Q: Did you ever have a friend that you weren't attracted to?

A: Since most friends were ex-boyfriends and hookups, there weren't many guys I didn't find attractive in my social circle  The only way I might hang out with someone I didn't find attractive is if one of my friends was dating him.  Even then, I would certainly go down on him, or let him go down on me.  It would be rude not to.

Q: What about guys who were celibate, asexual, or saving themselves for Mr. Right?

A. I  rarely met anyone like that.  I think that, the culture was so much about sex as a standard form of recreation, part of nearly every social gathering, it was hard for them to make and keep friends.

Q: Monogamous couples?

A: There weren't many of those around.  Some guys speculated that they didn't exist at all, but I think that "sharing" was such a common part of the culture that without it, monogamous couples just couldn't make a lot of friends.  They had each other.


Q: Did you have any friends who were women or straight men?

A:  Lesbians shared the space with us, and were working toward the same goals, but they were allies, not friends.  I talked to them at church and at club meetings, but didn't hang out with them.

Straight people were the enemy.  You didn't speak to them if you could help it.  Even if they seemed ok, you could never come out -- too dangerous, you would get screamed at.  But you couldn't pretend to be straight, either -- "passing" was the worst possible crime.  So you could never let your guard down enough to become friends.






Q: Sounds rather constrained.

A: That's not a question, but remember, gay men come in all sizes and shapes, all races and religions, all socioeconomic classes and personality types.  Our social circles were much more diverse than those of heterosexuals, who tend to be similar in age, race, and background.

Q: How do friendships in the straight world differ?

There aren't enough gay men around to form a full social circle.  You end up having lunch with women, and going to parties full of straight people, so of course sex isn't even thought of.

Q: But you still have sex with your gay friends, right?

That's the interesting part. Maybe because they're so used to hanging out with women and straight men, but gay men here usually don't have sex with their friends.  If you're dating and break up, you don't have sex again, not even to "share." I've tried to change the culture, but with limited success.

Q: Does it bother you?

Not really.  It's actually rather nice to spend an entire evening without worrying about your sexual performance.  But still, I miss the days when you would go to a party knowing that, before the end of the evening, you would see every guy there naked.

Fantasy Kidnapping

In many BDSM scenes, the bottom pretends to be unwilling, a prisoner of war being interrogated, a spy being tortured, a hitchhiker who was abducted.

A pretense of force is a powerful way to give up control if you are a bottom, and to exert control if you are a top.  And in fact, in a hard scene, the bottom is testing himself, seeing how much pain and humiliation he can endure, so on some level he is "unwilling."

The website breederfuckers.com, previously straighthell com,  plays on the fantasy of force by portraying straight guys being kidnapped or tricked into a scene by one or two tops.  They are tied up.  They get some light BDSM.  They are humiliated.  And they are forced into sex.

The scenes vary:

A bridegroom is forced to top his best man.

A cop becomes a "living art" exhibit, with spectators permitted to flog him and use a dildo machine on him.

A soccer coach is forced to go down on the tops.

A hotel bell boy is forced to get topped by his manager.

Two thugs are forced to kiss and go down on each other.

The tops, usually Adrian and David, are rather craggy, sleazy, and unattractive, which adds to the realism of the scene.  They look like the sort of perv who really might kidnap straight guys -- although they do have the enormous penises and incredible staying power one expects from a porn performer.

The bottoms are regular British blokes, not models -- only occasionally do they have muscular physiques, handsome faces, or enormous penises -- which also adds to the realism of the scene.  Sometimes they are homophobic or abusive, and "deserve" what they get, but more often they just strike the fancy of the tops.

Their acting ability varies widely.  Sometimes they get into the role, displaying genuine-looking rage and fear, straining against the ropes, trying to escape. Sometimes they just sit there.

The problem is, how to impress upon the viewers -- and the British government -- that these scenes are fantasies, that the performers in fact agreed to them.  At first the website had a proviso: "if you can't tell the difference between reality and fantasy, seek professional help."

That apparently wasn't enough.  Then they began posting clips of initial interviews: the bottoms discussing their interest in the project, revealing that they were actually aspiring models or actors, "sexually adventurous," or interested in getting a rather large paycheck for two or three hours of work.

That apparently wasn't enough, either: what if you changed your mind halfway through the scene?  Granted, some of the scenes were short, just one 15-minute session instead of the usual 3-5, but did that mean that the bottom backed out, or that the tops found him unsuitable for another reason?

So they began posting interviews of the performer after the scene, along with provisos like "He was a complete professional and a pleasure to work with."

Now anyone can watch the interview and realize that the abduction is part of the fantasy.