Sunday, December 4, 2016

My Date with Robin Williams and His Boyfriend

West Hollywood, September 1985

When I first moved to West Hollywod, I expected to see (and meet, and date) celebrities all the time.  But during my first two months, I saw only four.  And only met (and sort of dated) one: Michael J. Fox.

So when my friend Marcus invited me to a Labor Day pool party hosted by his film-producer housemate, visions of celebrity beefcake filled my head.

Sylvester Stallone and Lou Ferrigno sunbathe nude.  

Harrison Ford in a speedo dives into the pool and splashes Steve Gutenberg.

Mel Gibson struts  about in his bulgeworthy Mad Max leather chaps.

Besides I heard about West Hollywood parties, where the games involve  penis size contests and the evening ends in the bedroom, with couples bringing in a third to "share."  Maybe me and Harrison Ford and Steve Guttenberg!

Marcus' house was in the Hollywood Hills, only a few miles from my apartment in West Hollywood, but through a maze of narrow, curvy roads named after Greek gods: Hercules, Zeus, Venus, Achilles.

On the way up Laurel Canyon Boulevard, the car behind me decided that I was going too slow, and zoomed around.  As it passed, I got a glimpse of the swishy queen in the passenger seat sneering at me.

It was Robin Williams!

I recognized him primarily  as the effervescent fish-out-of-water Mork, an alien observer who misunderstood Earth customs and recited treacly morals on the tv show Mork and Mindy (1978-1982), but I also saw him in Popeye (1980).  34 years old, rather homely face, but a thick, almost muscular frame and a fabulously fur-covered chest and belly.

Who knew that he was so swishy?

I followed the car as it turned right onto Mount Olympus Drive, then Electra, then Achilles.

We were going to the same party! Robin was gay!

 We pulled up to the valet parking station at the same time.

My jaw dropped: Robin's date was gorgeous! Mid-20s,tanned, Mediterranean features, v-shaped torso, massive shoulders, thick biceps.

"Hi, I'm Boomer!" I exclaimed.

"Pete," the date said with a friendly smile, shaking my hand vigorously.  Robin ignored me and touched Pete's shoulder.  "Could we go inside now?"

He shrugged.  They disappeared inside the house.

I was rather offender -- I naively expected all celebrities to be as friendly as Michael J. Fox -- but Pete piqued my interest, and Robin, swishy or not, was part of the deal.  I was definitely going to be sharing their bed at the end of this party!

Unfortunately, it turned out to be not a West Hollywood party after all.  A lot of men and women standing around in the living room, drinking cocktails and wine spritzers.

A few minor celebrities: C. Thomas Howell (Red Dawn), Tom Hulce (Amadeus), Dean Paul Martin (Misfits of Science).  With women.

I found Marcus out by the pool, where there was a more pleasant male-female ratio, plus hunks in swimsuits.  "Hey, I thought this was a West Hollywood party! All groping and three-ways!"

He grinned.  "It might get a little steamy later on, after the heteros leave."

"Great!  There's still a chance I can make it with Robin Williams and his super-hot boy toy."

"Robin Williams brought a date?  I knew he was gay, but I always figured he was too closeted to be seen with guys in public."

"Well, maybe he's coming out.  And you should see the hunk he's snared!"

 At that moment, Pete emerged onto the patio -- alone.  Seeing my chance, I brought Marcus as an excuse to talk to him.

"We're in town for a week," he told us, "While Robin is appearing at the Comedy Store."  So this wasn't their first date -- they were boyfriends.  "I miss San Francisco, and my home gym.  I can't wait to get back."

"I go to the Hollywood Spa.  It's a nice facility...." I began.

"Sorry, it's noisy out here," Pete said, leaning close.  I put my arm around his waist.  Marcus found someone else he needed to say hello to, and vanished.  "How's the free weight situation?"

Pete was cruising me while his boyfriend was in the other room?  He must want to "share. "Excellent.  I can get you a day pass, if you'd like to work out with me -- say tomorrow afternoon?  Robin, too -- a lot of celebrities work out there."

"Sounds great.  I'll have to check with the Boss, but I think we're free."

I laughed at his joke -- calling his partner The Boss!"

We had barely finished exchanging telephone numbers when Robin flounced onto the patio like a 1930s movie diva.  "I'm all done here," he said curtly.  "Let's go."

"I invited Pete to work out with me tomorrow," I said. "You're invited too, of course.  And afterwards maybe we could have dinner...."

Followed by sharing!

Robin glared at me, no doubt upset at someone cruising his date.  "Sorry, but I'm very busy. I'm working on some new material for my show tomorrow night."  He pulled at Pete's arm.  "Come on, we're done here."

Pete shot me a pained look and allowed himself to be led out.

We didn't work out together, but the next night Pete called and asked if I wanted to go cruising.  We went to the Gold Coast, where we looked at the hot guys, talked about San Francisco, drank orange juice, kissed, and groped.  Then I followed him to a house on Crestview Street where all of the out-of-town performers at the Comedy Store stay.

We sat on the couch, and Pete pushed my hand down onto the bulge in his jeans.  He was already aroused.

Shouldn't we wait for Robin to get here?  "What about Robin...." I murmured.

"Oh, he doesn't mind," Pete said, unzipping.  His Kielbasa+, uncut, sprang to life.  I wrapped my hand around the shaft.

I started going down on him.  He leaned back and spread his legs and mussed my hair.  "That's good -- great."

I worked feverishly, expecting the door to open at any moment and an irate boyfriend to come bursting in.  Soon Pete spurted down my throat with a very loud "Yeah!", then moved me to the floor to go down on me.  But I wasn't able to stay aroused.  Eventually he switched to using his hand while we kissed.

When I finished, I tried to lead Pete into the bedroom, but he said "Robin will be back soon, so you'd better go."

What about sharing?  "Go?  Wait -- I thought..."

"But it's been great!  We're heading back to San Francisco tomorrow, but keep in touch.  Maybe you can come up and visit sometime."

"That would be fun."  I walked out of the house feeling guilty, unclean.  This was not sharing.  Closeted celebrity or not, I had helped Pete cheat on his boyfriend.

I didn't call Pete in San Francisco, and I didn't make up a "sharing" experience to tell at West Hollywood parties.   I didn't want anything more to do with the sordid affair.

Was Robin Williams Gay?

In September 1985, Robin Williams was married to Valerie Valardi, with a two year old son, Zachary.  He would marry twice more during his life.

He played many gay and gay-vague characters over the years, in The Birdcage, The Night Listener, and in his last movie, The Boulevard.   Some of his performances were extremely homophobic, yet he was always an advocate for gay rights and gay marriage.  When her daughter Zelda came out as bisexual, Robin was completely supportive.

One would expect that, with that gay-positive background, Robin would be open about being bisexual, but he always insisted that he was 100% into the ladies.  He never even considered having a same-sex experience.

So, if Pete wasn't a boyfriend, who was he?

By the way, in case you want to see it, here's Robin's penis, from The World's Greatest Dad (2009).  There may have been some shrinkage.

See also: Michael J. Fox Beneath the Belt; and The World According to Mork

A Ginger Boy for Christmas

Wednesday, December 24, 1986:

I'm 26 years old. living in West Hollywood, but back in Rock Island for the holidays.  After the traditional Christmas Eve pizza and gift-unwrapping, at my parents' house,  Fred picks me up.

He's my ex-boyfriend, 34, tall, athletic, with a stern, rugged face, a smooth chest, and impressive beneath-the-belt gifts.

When we met, he was student clergy.  During my sophomore year in college, he got a church assignment, and talked me into moving to Omaha with him.  I lasted for a miserable month.  Now he's working as a mental health counselor in Kansas City.

He's  home for the holidays, staying at his parents' farmhouse, about 30 miles south of Rock Island.

We're going to spend the night together, and then have the traditional Christmas morning breakfast and present-unwrapping at his house.

"I told my parents you might have a friend with you," Fred tells me.  "I didn't know if you were bringing Raul home from West Hollywood."

"We broke up a couple of weeks ago, so I'm single again.  I just met [My Celebrity Boyfriend], but we haven't arranged a date yet."

"That's ok.  Who knows?  You might make a friend tonight!"

"I'd rather have you to myself.  We haven't seen each other since last Christmas."  We may be broken up, but Fred is enormously attractive, and I'm feeling especially vulnerable tonight.

"So we'll share.  That's all the rage in West Hollywood, right?"

We go out to JR's, the biggest of Rock Island's 3 gay bars, a sort of country-western disco.  It draws both gay men and lesbians.

It's crowded.  A lot of people home for the holidays and trying to escape from their crazy fundamentalist relatives.  I grew up in Rock Island, but I don't see any of my old high school friends.

But Fred does.  "Hey, I knew that guy!" he exclaims, gesturing at a short, rather buffed ginger guy in a black lumberjack shirt [top photo].  "Scotty, from high school!  He was a few years younger than me, my little brother's age. Cute!  I had no idea he was gay!"

"Did he knew that you were?"

He grinned.  "Let's go find out."

"Well, I was hoping..."

Scotty says that he doesn't remember Fred at all -- even in a small high school, there are rigid barriers between classes. But he is happy to reunite.

Like us, Scotty is back in Rock Island spending Christmas with his family.  He is doing some kind of marketing work for Hallmark Cards in Kansas City.

"What a coincidence!" Fred exclaims.  "I'm in Kansas City, too.  A counselor at Prairie Ridge [Psychiatric Hospital]."

"You should get together after the holidays,"  I suggest.

"Or now," Fred said, fondling Scotty's chest.  "I told my parents I would be having a friend spend the night."

"If you don't mind two of us," I added.

Scotty seem to see me for the first time.  "Oh, no, two is great."

So I get to watch while Fred and Scotty become re-acquainted in the attic of his parents' farmhouse.  Scotty has a nice, tight physique, smooth, hairless, and a thick cut Bratwurst, but I don't get a chance to do much with it.  Or with Fred, for that matter.  They're attached to each other the whole night.

In the morning, we have breakfast and open Christmas presents.  Fred's parents think that Scotty is my boyfriend Raul, and ask him about his Hispanic heritage.

I don't know if Fred and Scotty date back in Kansas City or not.  I don't hear from him again except for brief post cards for over a year, when he appears outside the French Quarter with Matt the Cute Young Thing.

Monday, December 24th, 1990

I'm 30 years old, living with Lane.  He can't get off work for two weeks (and doesn't want to leave West Hollywood)., so I'm back in Rock Island alone, free to cruise other guys, as long as I bring a close friend along.

After our traditional Christmas Eve pizza and present unwrapping, Dick picks me up.

He's my old grade school bully, now my only gay friend in Rock Island: tall, tan, thickly-muscled, with a gigantic Kielbasa+ beneath the belt.  We always get together when I'm in town at Christmastime and during the summer, sometimes for dinner, sometimes to spend the night.

We rarely cruise together, but Dick has just broken up with his boyfriend (I'm not the only one who has relationship problems at Christmas).  So he's anxious to meet someone, and suggests JR's.  But he doesn't want to leave me out: "You can spend the night too, of course.  Whichever of us meets someone, the other will share, ok?"

"Sure, sounds great."

We go to JR's.  It's crowded again.  Dick chats with a couple of guys he knows, and I scan the room.

There's Scotty the Ginger Boy again!  A little older, of course, with longer hair and a short red beard.  I take Dick's arm.  "Hey, I know that guy!  Fred and I hooked up with him a few years ago."

"Not bad, not bad.  How was he in the sack?"

"Well, I don't know, really.  He and Fred were so into each other that I hardly got my mouth on anything of his.  Or Fred's.  And I had been looking forward to being with Fred again for weeks."

Dick laughs.  "Sounds awful.  How about an instant replay?  But this time, I'll see to it you have a place to put your mouth.  Leave it all to me."

We walk over and start talking to Scott, who doesn't remember me until I mention Fred.  No, they didn't stay in contact in Kansas City.  He got busy, you know?

This guy is a bit of a jerk.

But Dick is working his magic, and within a few minutes, Scotty has agreed to come home with him.

"Boomer will be there too, of course.  You're into both of us, right?"

"Who?" Scotty asks, confused.

I raise my hand.  "Remember me from your night with Fred?"

"Oh, sure, two of you will be fine," he murmurs.

Now this guy is totally into Dick.  How am I going to get any activity?

 We go back to Dick's house, across the street from Denkmann School, go into the bedroom, and strip.

Scotty tries to kiss Dick, but instead Dick kneels and goes down on me.  And stays there. No matter how much Scotty tries to draw him to his feet.  Finally Scotty lies down on the bed, and I get to kiss and go down on him, while Dick stays firmly attached to me.

 "Hey, could I get some of that?" Scotty asks, grabbing at Dick's enormous Kielbasa.

"Sure, be my guest."  Dick moves up, lies on his stomach, and starts kissing me.  Scotty isn't into anal, so he has no place to go but onto me.

We fall asleep in each other's arms, with Scotty between us.  I have access to him all night.

The best Christmas gift ever.  And don't feel sorry for Scotty -- he got a lot of action.

See also: Topped by the Mayor; The Muscle Bear with the Pierced Penis

Saturday, December 3, 2016

Nude Photos of Kurt Russell

Kurt Russell (1951-) is a child star turned fresh-scrubbed Disney Adventure Boy, the subject of my first crush.  In adulthood he played cops, fast-talking con artists, taciturn man-mountain heroes, and finally grizzled old guys.  

We got a nice view of his muscular backside in the buddy-cop movie Tango and Cash (1989).  He's on the left, next to Sylvester Stallone.

But for a frontal, we had to wait until 2007, when the beefy 56-year old was photographed nude in Malibu.

Kurt's man-boobs and belly disturbed many long-term fans who expected him to look the same as he did in 1989.  Or even in 1968, when he starred in The Secret of Boyne Castle.

He doesn't have the same face or physique that he had at age 39.  Or at age 17.  None of us do.  But no matter how much your body changes over time, your penis stays the same.

There are two posts about Kurt Russell on Boomer Beefcake and Bonding:
Kurt Russell's Secret
Kurt Russell: Teen Idol Turned Man Mountain