Thursday, November 23, 2023

I Learn About Oral Sex in the Church Parking Lot

When I was a kid, our Nazarene church had only one preacher, whose main job was screaming and banging the pulpit for an hour three times a week (researching and writing sermons is more time-consuming than you may think).  

But when I was in ninth grade, we got a Youth Minister, in charge of kid and teen activities like Junior Joys, Nazarene Young People's Society, the Afterglow (a party after the Sunday evening service), and Canvassing (going door to door to witness).

The Preacher might be elderly, but the Youth Minister had to be young, cool, and attractive enough to keep kids interested.  Ours was Brother Bob, fresh out of Olivet, in his early 20s, tall, with enormously broad shoulders, a barrel chest, and gigantic hands.

Unfortunately, I never saw him shirtless -- he always wore a suit and tie, the Nazarene equivalent of a clerical collar.  But when I went down to the altar to get saved or sanctified, he came down and wrapped his huge hard arm around me, and I could feel his hard barrel chest against my back.

You could hardly miss the gigantic Mortadella+ swinging around in his pants every time he moved. Particularly in NYPS, when we were kneeling to pray, and he walked from person to person to see if we needed help: his crotch was exactly at eye level.  And at least once, when he hugged me after altar call, I felt it press against me like a salami stuffed in his pants.

One Sunday night during the summer after ninth grade, I walked out into the parking lot during altar call to escape from the frenetic shouting, and saw Terry and Dave, twelfth grade best buddies, talking in the shadowy area by the church bus.


2 comments:

  1. Terry was actually the one who groped me, but for the story it made more sense to have David do it. They both went off to college a couple of weeks later, and I rarely saw them.

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  2. Is it weird that as a boy, I actually got a homophobic kid to blow me once? He used the CS word and then I asked what it meant. By the end he was explaining it to me and, exasperated at explaining why someone would put a dick in his mouth, took me into the Corn fields and actually demonstrated on me.

    Without even putting my shorts back on, I critiqued "What's so bad about that? That felt great and I wish more people would do it." Feeling a bit mischievous, I added "Starting with your mom."

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