My ex-boyfriend Fred has just moved to California to study at the Claremont School of Theology, about 40 miles east of West Hollywood, along with his boyfriend Matt, a twink who is very cute and very well hung, but crazy as a loon. Alan, Thanh, Will the Bondage Boy, and two other guys whose names I don't remember descend upon them for a housewarming party.
We have Vietnamese spring rolls in rice paper, bánh bao (meat rolls), and lemongrass chicken, plus a fruit salad for dessert.
After dinner Matt becomes the "entertainment," stripping, gyrating on our laps, and going down on me and Alan before Fred angrily tells him to cool it. Then we sit around telling stories about the biggest penises we've been with, dates from hell, and hookups with celebrities.
Everyone in West Hollywood had a good celebrity dating story or two. Alan tells about Scott Baio. Will the Bondage Boy tells about Keanu Reeves. My real-life celebrity boyfriend isn't famous enough to wow anyone, so I tell about Michael J. Fox, with our innocent hug at lunchtime transformed into a wild night.
Fred sits silent. No one really expects him to have a story -- where will he meet anyone, spending his life in western Illinois, Nebraska, and Kansas? We're not judging him on his lack, we're trying to entice him with tales of the joys of living in West Hollywood. Who knows, tomorrow he might run into Tom Cruise at the Gold Coast!
Suddenly, in a weird accusatory tone, Fred says "Well, I can top that. In fact, the first guy I ever topped was Ronnie Reagan Junior!"
The room becomes silent. We all stare.
Everybody knows that the evil President Reagan, sworn enemy of gay people, tireless fighter against gay rights, has a gay son -- a tall, thin, svelte ballet dancer! What an embarrassment to the blathering homophobe! Three weeks after he was elected in 1980, Reagan forced Ronnie to closet himself with a sham marriage.
But no one in West Hollywood has ever claimed to have dated or hooked up with him. Maybe because he doesn't live in Los Angeles, so you wouldn't run into him on the street. Or because in order to mention Ronnie you'd have to mention his father, the most hated person in the gay world, sure to put a damper on any party.
Fred was 26 years old, a student at McCormick Theological Seminary preparing for his "internship" year at a church in Rock Island. He had been with a few guys before, but only oral and 69. He wanted to "go all the way," top someone, but he was very well hung, and everyone balked at his size.
He needed to find an experienced guy, and what better place than a bathhouse?
Man's Country was packed that night, all ages from twink to geezer, all shapes from svelte to superchub. Fred had a few guys go down on him, and kissed and fondled a few others, before he saw Ronnie sitting by himself in the sauna-- in his early 20s, tall and svelte, with a long handsome face, sleepy eyes, a tight, smooth chest, and an average sized penis.
They kissed and fondled, and then went to Ronnie's cubicle. Ronnie went down on Fred and then Fred turned him over onto his stomach.
"Wait -- I've never done anal before," Ronnie said.
Fred was looking for someone experienced, but it would be impolite to leave now. "Me, neither. I'll try to take it easy."
Ronnie stood and knelt over the bed. Fred spat on his penis and pushed it in slowly. Ronnie groaned but didn't protest. He began thrusting, slowly at first, then more vigorously, while fondling Ronnie's back and shoulders and penis. Soon Ronnie started working on himself. They finished at almost the same moment, wiped off with a towel, and then collapsed onto the bed for a long kiss.
"Wow, that was great!" Ronnie exclaimed. "I should have been doing this a long time ago!"
"It didn't hurt?"
"Not much. You knew exactly what to do."
Fred didn't know who Ronnie was at the time. The presidential campaign hadn't started yet, and he had barely heard of Ronald Reagan, the governor of California. It wasn't until the next summer that he realized that he had topped Reagan's son.
"So," Thanh says, "Don't keep us waiting. Show us the penis that the guys in Chicago couldn't take."
Fred unzips and takes it out.
"Very nice?" Matt exclaims, as if he's personally offended. "Is that all? The length, the shape, the...the circonférence? Merveilleux! Like no other man! You just have to see it aroused, to get the full effect. I'll show you." He kneels and starts going down on Fred.
Was Fred Telling the Truth?
Ron Reagan was indeed living in Chicago in 1979, but he never called himself "Ronnie," and he's heterosexual, although he doesn't mind the rumor: "It's not perjorative, it's simply incorrect." He is a strong advocate of gay rights, including gay marriage.
And his marriage to Doria, which lasted until her death in 2014? There was no pressure from his parents -- they didn't approve of her, and and didn't even know about the wedding until it was over.
I think Fred was feeling left out because he had no celebrity dating stories, and jealous that Matt was going down on us as the evening's "entertainment." Especially Alan the ex-porn star. So he invented a story about a celebrity that he could have believably met in the Midwest, and one that accentuated his size and sexual prowess.
See also: Topped for the First Time.