Mitch Dates George Clooney and a Former Teen Idol

Rosemary Clooney's nephew George rubs me the wrong way.  I like his liberal politics and the fact that he's a gay ally.  But he has a marginally attractive face, a nondescript physique, and no basket, yet he keeps being voted "Sexiest Man Alive" and "Most Handsome Man Alive."

And that annoying smug smile: "Hi, I'm George Clooney! You may worship me."

His movies are unwatchable.  I've actually only managed to sit through From Dusk to Dawn (1996), Batman and Robin (1997),  and The Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009), which, I didn't realize, was about genocide.  The others are stupid caper movies, with that smug smile intact.

I could only find one photo of a young Clooney with his shirt off.  The resolution is too low to tell whether he still had a smug smile back then.

Apparently he's had his share of gay rumors, although I can't imagine how he would find the time after bedding every lady in Hollywood.  However, I don't recall hearing a single George Clooney hookup story when I lived in West Hollywood.  He wasn't really famous until the late 1990s, so maybe no one who hooked up with him thought to mention it.  Or maybe I just zoned out.

But I got one in my handy email box yesterday.  I've modified some of the details and added dialogue.

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Hollywood, March 1991

You can call me Mitch.  In the 1980s, when I was still in my 20s, I was a make-up artist in Hollywood.  I worked on all of the great teen idols of the era, Mark-Paul Goesselaer, David Faustino, Scott Wolfe (yes, I've seen him in his underwear) -- but I'm most proud of my work on horror and sci fi.

In the summer of 1990 I got a job on ABC's Baby Talk, a sitcom based on the movie Look Who's Talking (1989).   Julia Duffy played Maggie Campbell, a single mom with a talking baby, and Clooney played Joe, incongruously a construction-worker boyfriend.  Tony Danza provided the baby's voice.  With canny placement between Who's the Boss and Roseanne, it was a modest success.  However, the network suits felt that Duffy and Clooney weren't clicking in the role, so after 11 episodes they were replaced with Mary Page Keller and Scott Baio.

Clooney was not a big star: he was 29 years old, still struggling with walk-on jobs, recurring roles on The Facts of Life and Roseanne, and studying at the Beverly Hills Playhouse.  Nor did we think of him as particularly hunky.  He had big 80s hair, no physique, and no basket.  He played what we called a "goofball," a quirky, nerdy type.

I knew he was a newlywed: his wife Talia was also making the rounds of guest-spots and recurring roles.  But he was definitely a man's man, always hanging out with Tony Danza, going out for drinks with the guys in the crew.  Everyone thought that was further proof of his heterosexuality, but it made my gaydar go off.  Tony Danza had a lot of gay rumors at the time, too, as you recall.  Could they be boyfriends?

I tried to invite myself along on one of their dates, but was unsuccessful.  So I decided that I had to catch them in the act.  Maybe they would invite me to join in...

My hopes were dashed when they had some kind of an argument or falling out and began ignoring each other.  That may be why Clooney wasn't invited back for the second season -- Danza had a lot of clout in Hollywood at the time.

Not to worry, Clooney soon found a new "boyfriend."   Erich Anderson, who played Rob in Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984) and had a recurring role as Billy Sidel on Thirtysomething (1990-91), had a guest spot in one episode ("The Fever," air date April 16, 1991).  He was in his 30s, very buffed, with black hair and a classic movie-star face.

They apparently hit it off.  Soon Erich was coming to the set every day to pick Clooney up.  One day he even showed up at breakfast -- surely they had spent the night.

I cozied up to Erich -- he was far more my type than Clooney anyway -- and soon landed a date with him.  Standard West Hollywood date -- dinner at the Cafe Etoile, cruising at Mickey's, back to his place for making out and oral.  Erich had a smooth hard chest, very hairy legs (a big turn on for me) and a thick Bratwurst, uncut.  I went down on him twice.

But when I asked about Clooney, he said "Oh, we've never done it.  He's straight, or maybe bi -- I didn't think it was polite to ask."

"Too bad.  I was fantacizing about 'sharing' him with you."

Erich and I only dated a couple of times, but stayed friends.  At one of his parties in the fall of 1990, I met former teen idol Peter Barton, and asked him out on a date.

It was Chinese take-out and a VHS movie, very low key, but I really liked Peter: thick hair, beautiful face, smooth hard chest, hairy legs, average size down there (but you never felt anything so hard in your throat, literally like an iron rod).  I asked him for a second date that weekend.

When he came to the studio to pick me up, Clooney was walking by, so I introduced them.

His jaw practically dropped to the floor.  He was totally thunderstruck by the 34-year old former teen idol.

"Um...we were going out to dinner," I said.  "Would you like to join us?"

I know, inviting someone else along on a second date -- crazy!  I could tell that Peter wasn't happy about it.  But I didn't care --  I was obsessed with finding out if Clooney was gay or bi.

We went to dinner at a place on Wilshire -- Clooney paid, Peter looked uncomfortable.  We both came out -- he was perfectly nonchalant about being with two gay guys, but said nothing about his own sexual orientation.  He didn't even mention his wife.

Finally I said "I guess we'll say goodnight, unless you want to go back to my apartment for a cup of coffee."

Peter glared at me.  Clooney said "Sure."

The moment we got inside the door, Clooney said "Gentlemen, I'm sure you know I love the ladies.  But I also love blow jobs, and it's hard to find a lady who will oblige.  I would be more than happy to have one or preferably both of you working on my dick at this moment."

Peter frowned and said "Leave me out of this.  I'll be in the bedroom when you're done with your trick."

I was tempted -- I reached down and groped Clooney -- not hard yet.  He unzipped and pulled it out.  I began working on it with my hand while staring at him, wondering if I should kiss him -- average length, thick around, starting to get aroused.  But I was feeling very guilty about inviting him home on my second date with Peter, so I said "Thanks, but not tonight," zipped him back up, pushed him out the door, and went into the bedroom to apologize.

Peter and I dated for the next two months.  I never interacted with Clooney again.

Wouldn't you be embarrassed if a guy rejected you after fondling your cock?

See also: Pedro's Hookup with Philip McKeon.