Alan had lived in West Hollywood for seven years. He had done the bar-and-bathhouse thing, starred in porn movies, hooked up with a dozen closet-case movie stars, turned "ex gay" due to Pentecostal guilt, and found a drag queen "fairy godmother" who helped him realize that God doesn't care who you love.
But God might disapprove of tricking -- one night stands with strangers -- and the MCC, where Alan was student clergy, definitely disapproved.
Besides, with AIDS, random sex with strangers was just too dangerous.
So Alan's sleaze days were over. No bath houses, no t-rooms, no picking up random guys in bars, just dating and romance. The last thing he needed -- or wanted -- was a trick.
Especially a celebrity trick -- he had already been with more than enough closet case tv stars, thank you.
Especially two celebrity tricks.
But the guy cruising him at Mugi, the gay Asian bar, turned out to be an icon of his childhood.
Growing up in a small town in western Pennsylvania, Alan didn't see many Asian guys. So he was enthralled by two episodes of The Brady Bunch in 1972 when the gang goes to Hawaii and meets David, played by Filipino actor Patrick Adiarte. He takes his shirt off a lot.
Alan also saw Adiarte playing a Korean houseboy on M*A*S*H, the drama about doctors treating wounded soldiers during the Korean war, in 1972-73, and Leonard Wong on a two-part episode of Kojak (1974).
11 years later, Adiarte hadn't changed: thick black hair, round face, tight dancer's body, very tight jeans!
Patrick's friend, a middle-aged white guy, came over to make the introduction, and they sat a table with drinks (mineral water for Alan, beer for Patrick) and had a cruising conversation.
Tall, buffed, and hung, Alan wasn't used to being treated as a Cute Young Thing. Everyone expected him to make the first move. He wasn't used to being bought drinks and told how hot he was. But he rather enjoyed the attention.
They groped and fondled for a long time. Alan kept waiting to be asked out on a date, but Patrick seemed content to just fondle.
10 minutes passed while Patrick flattered him and squeezed his cock under the table. He was so aroused, it hurt! Was Patrick planning to bring him to climax right there at Mugi?
Pushing his hand away, Alan decided to take the initiative. "Would you like to go out to dinner tomorrow night?"
Patrick frowned. "I don't have much time for dating. My career keeps me very busy. This is the first time I've ever been to Mugi, in fact."Uh-oh: that was code for "I'm in the closet"!
"...but I'm free tonight, if you'd like to come back to my place."
Uh-oh: that was code for "trick."
Alan had given up on tricking. No going home with guys he had barely met, no scribbling down the wrong phone number and leaving when the sex was over. Dating and romance only!
But one of the icons of his childhood was fondling his penis! Alan was so turned on that he wanted to throw Patrick on the table and shove his cock down his throat right there!
Or take him into the bathroom and...
No way!
"Sure," Alan said reluctantly. "You can come to my place. How do you like your eggs?"
"Well -- actually I'm in town visiting a friend. He's the one who convinced me to go out tonight. I promised him that if I tricked with anyone, he could watch. Or join in, if you're into it."
Alan didn't like two guys in one bed -- he found it distracting. But if he refused, most likely there would be no trick tonight. "Um...well, what does he look like?"
"I'll introduce you. Come on." He stood and led Alan, fully aroused and tenting, across the room to the middle-aged white guy, who was sipping on a mixed drink.
Then the guy said "Hello, I'm David," and Alan recognized him: David Ogden Stiers, the 43-year old actor who played snobbish intellectual Charles Winchester during the last few seasons of M*A*S*H.
He shook David's hand, wondering briefly how he met Patrick, when they weren't on the show at the same time.
Only briefly because David turned the handshake into a hug and a grope. And then a kiss.
No one kissed at Mugi -- he must be a little drunk!
Raised Pentecostal, where alcohol was a major sin, Alan hated drunks! But two guys were groping, fondling, and kissing him -- he had no choice but to let them lead him out onto the street and follow them to David's house in Westwood, near UCLA.
No drinks, no conversation -- they immediately pulled Alan into a bedroom, where Patrick immediately dropped to his knees and pulled out Alan's cock. He went down on Alan and David at the same time while they kissed.
David was a little chunky, with a hairy chest and belly and a cut 7". Patrick had a smooth chest with prominent nipples and about 5", uncut.
Patrick didn't take the load -- at the last moment he pulled away, so Alan spurted onto the floor."That's ok," David said. "It's happened before."
Then David wanted to top Alan. He refused, so David topped Patrick -- with a condom, of course --while Alan was going down on him.
Alan took Patrick's load.
He expected to be invited to spend the night afterwards -- even tricks didn't get kicked out into the cold California night at 2:00 am -- but no, instead of climbing into bed, they all got dressed again.
While David was in the bathroom, Patrick scribbled down a phone number.
"This has been great," he said. "Give me a call, and the next time I'm in town we'll get together."
It turned out to be the wrong number.
Was Alan Telling the Truth?
Alan told this story several times, with some of the details changed -- sometimes it was at the Gold Coast, not Mugi, and sometimes David, not Patrick, was the oral bottom. But the conversations, the spurting onto the carpet, and the wrong number stayed the same.
David Ogden Stiers came out in 2009. He died in 2018, at the age of 75.
Patrick Adiarte hasn't made any public statements, and I haven't found any gay rumors about him. . He was married to Loni Ackerman from 1975 to 1982.
See also: Alan Dates Will of "Land of the Lost"
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