Tarik Hooks Up with Jonathan Brandis and Insane Ian

Norfolk, Virginia, July 1995

I'm 34 years old, living in West Hollywood but visiting Alan for a few days.  He's back at his sister's house in Norfolk, so I'm staying with my friend Tarik: about my age, short, dark-skinned, very muscular, with a handsome round face, bright eyes, and thick square hands.

We're having a potluck dinner with Alan and a few other guys.  I'm hoping to get to "share" later with Shane, a twink with short blond hair, a smooth chest, and a basket that won't quit.

We have barbecued chicken, baked beans, greens, grits, and a fruit salad, but Alan doesn't eat anything but a few strawberries.  He looks frail and gets confused easily -- nearing the end, I suspect (actually, he will live another ten years).  So I try to cheer him up with the most outrageous stories I can think of about life in West Hollywood: sausage fondlings in the sauna at the gym, my collision with John Stamos' bulge, Lane's four-way with Cesare Romero, Batman, and Robin.

Back in West Hollywood, Alan didn't like celebrity hookup stories: who cares if the guy happens to be in movies or on tv?  It's what's inside that counts -- inside his heart...inside his pants!  But now he asks for more stories -- maybe they are reflections of his old life, before his HIV diagnosis, when he was young and full of optimism, with a world of infinite possibility in front of him.  He interrogates me about any celebrity I have been with recently, and when I run low, what about Lane?  Raul?  Fred and Matt?

I mention Jeff MacKay, Peter Fonda, and Lost in Space star Billy Mumy.  But Alan wants to hear about a teenager: "Let the dead past stay dead.  I want to know that there are still gay kids growing up out there, a new generation to carry on when we are gone.  Tell me about someone fresh and new."

"I hear that Jerry O'Connell on Sliders is bi," Shane the blond twink says, "And everybody's been in Brandon Call's pants.  Some of your well-connected Hollywood friends must have hooked up with them."

Great, now I need a "fresh and new" celebrity hookup story to please Alan AND to impress Shane with the goal of a three-way later.  My mind goes blank -- could I create one from scratch?

"Um...well...Joey Lawrence jogs past our apartment nearly every day, and...um..."

Then Tarik chimes in:  "That sounds interesting, but I think you should give the rest of us a chance.  Did I ever tell you guys that I hooked up with Jonathan Brandis?"

I sigh with relief. Jonathan Brandis was a famous child star (Ladybugs, Sidekicks, It, The Neverending Story).  Now 19 years old, he is a full-fledged teen idol, playing Lucas in the sci-fi series SeaQuest  (1993-96).  He always denies that he is gay, but there are lots of rumors.

Baltimore, October 1994

There weren't a lot of science fiction fans in the African-American community of Norfolk.  Science fiction was for white people, the adults said, to dream about black genocide and a future all-white universe.

Tarik didn't care.  He loved science fiction, no matter the genre: books, comics, movies, tv.  So much that he went to every convention he could afford.  In October 1994, he drove four hours north to Baltimore for Farpoint 2.

Two of the three guest speakers were gay: George Takei (Star Trek) and Jonathan Brandis.  Of course, neither were out -- you couldn't be out in Hollywood, and hope for a career.  But everyone had heard stories about George inviting particularly muscular fans back to his hotel room at conventions, and Jonathan's preference for black men, with quite a long list of lovers for someone who was barely 18: Don Franklin (his costar on SeaQuest); Geoffrey Owens (Eldon on The Cosby Show); Jaleel White (Urkel on Family Matters)

The convention lasted for three days -- plenty of time to hook up with both George and Jonathan, and have time left over for Nick Miscusi (husband of the third guest, Nana Visitor).

Tarik hooked up several times -- as one of maybe 10 black guys among the 1,000 or fans, he was very popular.  But not with George Takei ot Nick Miscusi.

Jonathan Brandis finally arrived on Sunday, the last day of the convention. In the morning he was on a panel with Wil Wheaton (Wesley Crusher on Star Trek).  Afterwards Tarik asked a question, but he didn't get a chance to talk to Jonathan alone.

Next he stood in line for an autograph, but before he got to the front of the line, Jonathan said  "Sorry, I'm out of time."

So was Tarik -- it was 3:00 pm already, and he had to leave by 7:00 at the latest to get home in time for work.

At 4:00 pm there was a special presentation, a Star Trek/Seaquest parody, with the Brandis character played by a cute redheaded teenager named Ian Bonds.  It was spot-on, and Ian's comedy timing was genius.  Afterwards Tarik went up to shake his hand and talk a bit about sci-fi parodies.

Suddenly Jonathan Brandis was beside him.  "Hi, I saw your performance -- you do me better than I do!"

Ian laughed.  "Thanks, man."

"Hi, I'm Tarik," he said, butting in.

Jonathan shook his hand.  "I saw you waiting patiently in line, but I had to go before you could come up.  I had a great signature all planned for you, too."  He flashed a cruisy smile and touched his shoulder.

Tarik knew a proposition when he heard one!  "Well, I'm free for a couple of hours right now, if you want to give me that autograph in private."

"Oh, I just drove down for the day, and I didn't get a room."

"Hm...and I already checked out of mine"

"I have a room," Ian said hopefully.  "We can hang out for awhile there."

When they got to the room, Ian said "Excuse me," and went into the bathroom.  Tarik didn't waste any time -- he started kissing and groping Jonathan-- average sized, uncut.  Jonathan pulled Tarik's cock out, fell to his knees, and started going down on him.

"Wait -- Ian will be back at any moment," Tarik whispered.

"Surprise -- I'm already here!"

They pulled apart quickly.  Tarik covered his crotch with his hands.

"Hey, I'm as quiet as a Hobbit when I want to be," Ian said.  "And I eat as much, too.  Two guys is just an appetizer."  He fell to his knees, pulled Tarik's hand away, and started going down on him while fondling Jonathan.  Soon he was working on them both at once.  Then they pushed Ian down on the bed, and Tarik topped him while he continued to blow Jonathan.

Tarik pulled out before he came, washed off, and let Jonathan finish taking his load.  Then he went down on Ian (about 7.5 inches, cut) while Jonathan was kissing him and beating off.

Afterwards Tarik and Jonathan both had to leave right away.  They didn't exchange phone numbers.


Norfolk, June 1995

After dinner, as Tarik is driving me back to his apartment, I say "That story seems a little far fetched, unless those fan conventions are a lot wilder than I imagine."

"Ok, you got me," Tarik said.  "I made up everything that happened after Ian got back from the bathroom.  Brandis and I just kissed and fondled.  But I thought Alan would want to hear about some action."

Ian Bonds is now comedic performer Insane Ian.  He is a chunky superfan, cute but straight.

Jonathan Brandis always insisted that the gay rumors were unfounded.  He died on November 12, 2003.

Tarik and I never shared the blond twink.

See also: I Visit Alan, Sandy, and Their Boy Toy; Jonathan Brandis; The Gay Ghost of Ocracoke