The Gift of the Magi, Four Guys in One Bed

Wilton Manors, December 2004

When the three guys sharing a house are all actively dating and hooking up, you never know who is going to be at the breakfast table in the morning, or wandering around at 2:00 am looking for the bathroom.

Maybe someone you like better than the guy in your bed.

But the Gay Code strictly forbade "stealing" a friend or roommate's date.  You might ask to "share," but otherwise it was strictly hands off until they broke up, and then only with their permission.

Until that night in December 2004.  I always get depressed at Christmastime anyway, and I had just gotten dumped, so I was even more depressed.

"Come out to the Club with me," Yuri said.  "You will feel better when the hot guys start cruising you."

"I'm not in the mood for hot guys, sorry.  I just want to watch tv and go to bed early."

I actually put on my bathrobe and sat down to watch tv, but after awhile, I said, "Yuri is right.  I'm going to a club."  I walked over to the Filling Station, and soon got cruised by Tye.  Not really my type: a little too tall and pale, in his 30s but going bald on top.  But he kept going on about how hot I was, and when I groped him, I felt a substantial Bratwurst+, so when he invited me to get coffee, I accepted.

Boring!  Tye could talk about nothing but sports and the minutiae of his job, which involved writing reports in a cubicle. I really didn't want to continue with the evening, but what could I do -- I invited him back to my place.

We sat down on the couch.  He insisted on turning on the tv to check the scores of the game.

A few moments later Yuri came in with a hookup!  A guy who had 3 of the 5 traits I find attractive: shorter than me, muscular, and dark-skinned.  He was in his 20's, black, with a firm, compact frame, and extraordinarily cute.

Yuri stared at my date.  "You said you were not going out."

"Oh, I changed my mind.  This is Tye, insurance guy and all-around sports nut  My housemate Yuri and...um..."


"Howard," Yuri said.  "We talked online before, but tonight is the first time we met.  He studies at Emory University.  Theology."

Theology!   Religious, #4 on my list!  Now he just needed to be gifted beneath the belt, and I'd be all set to fall for him.  Except he was Yuri's date, and I had a lunk sitting next to me.

"Pleased to meet you."  We all shook hands.

But instead of excusing himself and herding his hookup to the bedroom, like a dutiful roommate, Yuri plopped down next to Tye on the couch and started interrogating him on tonight's game.  I had no choice but to go over to the loveseat where Howard was sitting and ask him about theology.

"This is my first year at Emory.  I'm going for a Master of Divinity, so I can get ordained in the United Methodist Church."

"They don't allow gay ministers, do they?" I asked, surprised.

"We're going to change all that.  I'm the president of the Atlanta chapter of Affirmation, for gay and lesbian Methodists."

We talked like that for awhile, while Yuri and Tye discussed sports, I assumed.  Suddenly I wasn't hearing anything -- I looked over.  They were kissing!


"Yeah, they've been busy for awhile now," Howard said.  "I think your date might have jumped ship."

I should have been incensed -- Tye was with me!  But instead I said, "Well, when in Rome," and grabbed Howard and started kissing him.

After awhile we all went into Yuri's bedroom, where we mixed-and-matched hookups, a mini Bear party.

In case you were wondering, Tye really did have a Bratwurst+, but Howard was just average, maybe a little small.

Not that I minded.

Eventually four people in Yuri's bed got a little crowded, so I grabbed Howard and took him into my bedroom for the night.


In the morning there was a flurry of scribbling telephone numbers, while Barney, our other housemate, eyed us suspiciously.  Then Tye and Howard left together.

"That was different!" I exclaimed.  "Barney, guess what -- Yuri and I switched hookups last night!"

"Howard wasn't my hookup," Yuri said.  "I talked to him online for a long time, and I find out that he is your type exactly, so last night we meet at the Manor, and he comes home with me to share, because you are home without anybody and sad."

 "Wow, how thoughtful!  What did you think when you came in, and I was already with a guy."

"I knew you do not like him, you are just with him because you are depressed, so I def...what is the word...deflect?"

"You deflect him by taking him for yourself."

He grinned.  "It worked, right?  You spent the night with Howard, who you really like."

The Gift of the Magi.

See also: A Naked Baseball Player in My Kitchen.