Sharing My Celebrity Boyfriend, the Director, and his Cute Young Thing

West Hollywood, March 1987

The Celebrity and I have been dating for over two months, and I still haven't met any of his friends!

Friends always want to meet a new boyfriend, to make sure he's good enough for you, to expand their social circles, and to increase their options for bedroom activity!

He's met all of my friends, and shared Alan and Raul. What's the holdup?

"It's tricky," the Celebrity says.  "I'm not out at the studio, of course. A lot of my friends are straight."

In West Hollywood in the 1980s, you don't have heterosexual friends.  If they're not screaming "Got AIDS yet?", they're simpering, condescending, heterosexist.  I assume he means coworkers and business acquaintances.

"Tell you what.  The Oscars are on the 30th.  Let's have a post-Oscar party.  I'll invite four or five of my friends, and you invite four or five of yours.  That way everybody can meet everybody."

I invite Alan, Raul, and Thanh, plus a couple of celebrities, Michael J. Fox and Tom Villard, who can't make it.   Alan and Thanh bring dates to make up the fourth and fifth.

Alan's date is Rye, aka the Porn Star, an acquaintance from his porn days: tall, dark tan, Mediterranean face, big chest, big bulge.  "The Entertainment," he whispers with a grin.

The Celebrity's guest list is a little disappointing.  Only two guys I recognize, Lee Montgomery, a 25-year old former Child Star with a lean, hairy chest, and Doug Barr, aka the Fall Guy, a clean-cut All-American type in his mid-30s. They come together,  so I assume they're a couple.

Plus another actor named Spencer, aka the Leading Man.

The Celebrity's ex-boyfriend, a Director named Joseph: in his 40s, slim, with a salt-and-pepper beard and thinning hair.

And his date, a Cute Young Thing named Scott, who isn't in the industry.

I wonder who we will be sharing tonight.

The gay parties of West Hollywood all have about the same plot, as predictable as a stage play.

1. The Arts.  You socialize in pairs and groups, with hors d'oeuvres and drinks. Polite discussions in small groups: the latest art exhibit, movies with gay subtexts, who has just returned from San Francisco.  New boyfriends are introduced.  Cute Young Things tell their coming out stories.

2. Dinner.  More discussion of the arts, or moving on to tall tales of dates from hell, celebrity hookups, gigantic penises, scandalous public sexual encounters, homophobic horror stories.

3. Dessert.  More tall tales.  Flirtations and double-entendres occur.

4. The Entertainment. A movie on VHS, Trivial Pursuit, a more complex game such as a scavenger hunt, or, at the best parties, a male stripper or live sex show.  More flirtation.

5. The Bedroom. Couples  or pairs of close friends select a guy to "share," and everyone heads off to the bedrooms.  Those who don't care to participate go out to the bars.

The Arts segment goes according to custom.  Thanh and Alan introduce their dates.  Scott doesn't tell his coming out story, but I figure he's been friends with the Celebrity for awhile, and already told it.

I start up a conversation with Joseph  "How long have Lee and Doug been dating?"

'Why, I hadn't known they were.  Does Clare know about this?"

"Clare?  His...um...wife?"

"Well, not his mistress, certainly."

The Fall Guy is straight?  What's he doing here?

 Dinner is served buffet style, out by the pool.  It's too chilly for swimming, but the Porn Star and Alan take off their shirts.  The Celebrity stares at them.  Rye tells us about his date with Wesley Eure, the star of Land of the Lost in the 1970s.

"You can't mean Wesley Eure is gay!" Lee exclaims.  "I've met him.  He's as butch as they come!"

Borderline homophobic.  This party is not going  well.

Dessert is petit gateaux with ice cream.  Thanh starts to tell us about a date from hell, but the Celebrity cuts him off.

I cruise Spencer.  He doesn't give me Attitude, necessarily; he doesn't seem to understand what I'm doing.

Another one?  Who invites straight guys to a gay party?

I start to clear the dishes.  Scott helps.

"I've never been to a gay party before," he says.

Figures.

"Is it true that they turn into a big orgy?"

"Sometimes.  Usually it's more sedate."

"Not tonight, I hope!  I'm really hot to get some action.  Do you think Alan and Rye would let me share?"

"Well, you could get the ball rolling by getting naked, showing them what you've got."

"Cool!"  He strips, revealing a hard smooth chest and a nice-sized Kielbasa, and returns nonchalantly to the living room to clear more plates.

Spencer has an "early day tomorrow," and leaves. Doug starts with the "early day" rhetoric, but Lee cuts him off.  "Oh, let's stick around for a few more minutes," he says.  "Things might get interesting."

The Porn Star seeks me out.  "Hey, I heard there were straight guys at this party!"

"Yeah, the Celebrity has some weird friends.  Just deal with it, I guess."

"I was going to do a stripping routine as the entertainment.  Do you still want me to?"

I look around the room.  Scott, naked, is cruising Alan.  Joseph is cruising Lee.  Looks like a standard gay party.

"Sure, go ahead.  It will be great."

The Entertainment: Rye  excuses himself and goes to the bathroom.  He returns in his underwear and starts an erotic dance, gyrating in front of each guest in turn.  Scott tries to cover his arousal, but Alan moves his hand away.

When he has gyrated in front of each guest twice, and gotten groped around twenty times, Rye returns to the bathroom.  He returns toweled off, and naked, and sits down next to Scott.  They kiss.

The Entertainment is over.  It's time for guys who don't want to participate in the Bedroom to leave.

Sure enough,  Doug and Lee  "have an early day," and say goodnight.  Raul, Thanh, and Thanh's date go off to the bars.

The Bedroom:  It looks like Alan, Rye, and Scott will be sharing. I look at the Celebrity and the Joseph expectantly.

"I guess the masses have spoken," Joseph says.  "Shall we adjourn to the bedroom?"

Joseph has a tan, hairy chest, a little belly, and a very thick Bratwurst.  After I work on him for awhile, he tops the Celebrity while I'm going down on him, then collects Scott and goes home.

Rye goes home, too, and Alan comes into our bedroom to top the Celebrity again while I'm going down on him again.

That was the end of my relationship with the Celebrity.  He stopped answering my calls, and when I finally got a hold of him, he was "really busy."  Finally I moved on, and he dated Alan for a few weeks.

At the time I assumed that I was being too "couple-like," when he was just interested in a down-low fling.  But now I'm thinking that maybe we were planning two different types of parties, and he got embarrassed when the gay and straight worlds collided.

Or maybe he just realized that he liked being topped.

See also: My Celebrity Boyfriend: and Lee H. Montgomery.