It's easy to meet guys for hookups and dates in a gay neighborhood, where almost everyone around you is gay. But in the straight world it's tricky. Most of the guys around are not interested, no matter how friendly they act. Some may cruise you without realizing it; they're not self-aware enough to know that they're interested. And if you are too open about your interest, you may get screamed at or even assaulted. Still, I've done my share of public cruising, meeting guys in the Plains at a comic book store, a heterosexual party, a fundamentalist Christian pizza place, and the doctor's office.
I asked my Facebook friends, "What is the weirdest place in the straight world that you've met a guy for a hookup or a date?" Here are the weirdest answers, from least to most.
1. Standing in the communion line at church.
"I was home in Des Moines visiting my parents, and they dragged me to a service at straight, homophobic Lutheran church. As we were filing out of our pews for communion, I saw the world's cutest guy in the next aisle. I motioned for him to get ahead of me, so I could get a good glimpse of his backside as we walked. Afterwards I hunted him down in the foyer, and we spent the afternoon together."
2. In the lion habitat at the zoo.
"I was visiting an animal sanctuary near Orlando, Florida. They feed the lions in a truck with a big cage bed, so visitors can ride along and watch. The zookeeper was a very cute guy in his thirties, so as we rode, I was chatting him up. When we got to the feeding site, I asked, 'Can I feed the lions?' He said no, that's against the rules. Then I asked, 'Well then, can I feed you?' Well, I bought him dinner...then I fed him."
3. At the airport, waiting for different flights.
"I was in a layover in Atlanta, and a hot bearded guy was sitting in my waiting area. We started talking. I was on my way to Fort Lauderdale, and he was on his way to Chicago, but he actually lived in Miami! We exchanged phone numbers, and got together for a date when we both returned."
4. At my son's high school graduation.
"I was back in Arkansas for my son Ryan's high school graduation. Suddenly I noticed one of the dads cruising me. My ex-wife said he was the father of one of Ryan's friends. We chatted later, and got together before I left town. Wow, massive hairy chest and Kielbasa beneath the belt!"
5. After a traffic accident
"I was driving down a major street in Pittsburgh when the light turned yellow. Instead of running it, I stopped, and got rear-ended by the car in back of me. The guy was apologetic, and cute. We exchanged phone numbers, and later that week he rear-ended me in the bedroom. We dated for six months."
6. At my grandmother's funeral
"I flew back to Montana to go to my grandmother's funeral. She was 93 years old, so it wasn't really a sad occasion, it was more a celebration of her life. At the reception, a cute twink approached me. He turned out to be the grandson of one of her friends. I ended up inviting him to the reception afterwards, and then to my hotel room to spend the night."
7. At my brother's tennis game.
"I was still in high school in Upstate New York, not out yet. My brother, a college sophomore, was on the tennis team. I went to one of his matches, and a slim, curly-haired college jock cruised me. Of course, I had no idea what was happening. He asked me out, and at the end of the evening leaned in for a kiss. I thought it was the greatest thing in the world!"
8. At a highway rest stop.
"On your blog you mentioned a glimpse of supreme beauty at a rest stop, where you didn't even get the guy's name. Well, at a rest stop on I-70 just outside of Indianapolis, I was at the urinal at the same time as a muscular twink with an enormous Mortadella. Turns out he was heading for Illinois State University at Normal, so I followed him, and we spent the night in his dorm room. One of the most memorable nights of my life!"
9. While being victimized by crime.
"I was just leaving the one gay bar in Sheboygan, Wisconsin -- a dark, closet bar that you go in through the back. But a homophobe knew about it, and jumped up and started punching and kicking me and calling me a 'fag." Another guy ran up and intervened, and the homophobe ran off. He offered to take me to the police to file a report, but you know what the police would do! So instead we went back to his apartment, where I spent the night. We stayed friends, and often shared boyfriends until I moved out of town."
And the weirdest of all:
10. At a straight strip club.
"I wasn't out at work, and I had a super-hetero-horny boss, always making sex jokes and bringing dirty magazines around. I played along, because I couldn't afford to lose my job. One day he said 'You've been working hard, so I have a special treat for you," and took a few of us to a straight strip club! A guy at the next table looked at me for a while and then called me over, and said 'You don't belong here, do you? Why don't you just tell them?' Turns out he worked as a stripper at a gay club in Columbus. Next thing I knew, I was working there, too. Oh, and we dated a few times."
See also: A Glimpse of Supreme Beauty at a Rest Stop in Iowa; The Boy with Daddy Issues
"I was home in Des Moines visiting my parents, and they dragged me to a service at straight, homophobic Lutheran church. As we were filing out of our pews for communion, I saw the world's cutest guy in the next aisle. I motioned for him to get ahead of me, so I could get a good glimpse of his backside as we walked. Afterwards I hunted him down in the foyer, and we spent the afternoon together."
"I was visiting an animal sanctuary near Orlando, Florida. They feed the lions in a truck with a big cage bed, so visitors can ride along and watch. The zookeeper was a very cute guy in his thirties, so as we rode, I was chatting him up. When we got to the feeding site, I asked, 'Can I feed the lions?' He said no, that's against the rules. Then I asked, 'Well then, can I feed you?' Well, I bought him dinner...then I fed him."
3. At the airport, waiting for different flights.
"I was in a layover in Atlanta, and a hot bearded guy was sitting in my waiting area. We started talking. I was on my way to Fort Lauderdale, and he was on his way to Chicago, but he actually lived in Miami! We exchanged phone numbers, and got together for a date when we both returned."
4. At my son's high school graduation.
"I was back in Arkansas for my son Ryan's high school graduation. Suddenly I noticed one of the dads cruising me. My ex-wife said he was the father of one of Ryan's friends. We chatted later, and got together before I left town. Wow, massive hairy chest and Kielbasa beneath the belt!"
"I was driving down a major street in Pittsburgh when the light turned yellow. Instead of running it, I stopped, and got rear-ended by the car in back of me. The guy was apologetic, and cute. We exchanged phone numbers, and later that week he rear-ended me in the bedroom. We dated for six months."
6. At my grandmother's funeral
"I flew back to Montana to go to my grandmother's funeral. She was 93 years old, so it wasn't really a sad occasion, it was more a celebration of her life. At the reception, a cute twink approached me. He turned out to be the grandson of one of her friends. I ended up inviting him to the reception afterwards, and then to my hotel room to spend the night."
7. At my brother's tennis game.
8. At a highway rest stop.
"On your blog you mentioned a glimpse of supreme beauty at a rest stop, where you didn't even get the guy's name. Well, at a rest stop on I-70 just outside of Indianapolis, I was at the urinal at the same time as a muscular twink with an enormous Mortadella. Turns out he was heading for Illinois State University at Normal, so I followed him, and we spent the night in his dorm room. One of the most memorable nights of my life!"
9. While being victimized by crime.
"I was just leaving the one gay bar in Sheboygan, Wisconsin -- a dark, closet bar that you go in through the back. But a homophobe knew about it, and jumped up and started punching and kicking me and calling me a 'fag." Another guy ran up and intervened, and the homophobe ran off. He offered to take me to the police to file a report, but you know what the police would do! So instead we went back to his apartment, where I spent the night. We stayed friends, and often shared boyfriends until I moved out of town."
10. At a straight strip club.
"I wasn't out at work, and I had a super-hetero-horny boss, always making sex jokes and bringing dirty magazines around. I played along, because I couldn't afford to lose my job. One day he said 'You've been working hard, so I have a special treat for you," and took a few of us to a straight strip club! A guy at the next table looked at me for a while and then called me over, and said 'You don't belong here, do you? Why don't you just tell them?' Turns out he worked as a stripper at a gay club in Columbus. Next thing I knew, I was working there, too. Oh, and we dated a few times."
See also: A Glimpse of Supreme Beauty at a Rest Stop in Iowa; The Boy with Daddy Issues
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