On the way back from a visit to my parents in Indiana, I saw a listing for a bath house called The Hole in the Wall, in the countryside outside of Galesburg, Illinois.
I've been to bath houses all over Europe and the United States, but always in big cities. In the cornfields outside a small town in western Illinois? Unique.
At $25 for a day pass, it was a little pricey, but I was intrigued. Who would come to a bath house in such an isolated location? Truckers driving north from Cincinnati?
I wouldn't mind going down on a few truckers....
It would ordinarily be easy to get to the Hole in the Wall, but today there was a massive construction project with flagmen directing traffic -- sure to scare away the closeted.
Then you had to drive behind a gigantic liquor store with redneck pick-up trucks in the parking lot -- sure to rouse fears of homophobia and scare away the skittish.
Jimmy Eat World
The front desk clerk introduced himself as Mike: in his 20s, tall, slim, with a round face, a short beard, and thick brown hair. He was wearing a "Jimmy Eat World" T-shirt and very tight jeans.
I wouldn't mind eating Jimmy Eat World, I thought. But I've never seen a bath house employee having sex with a customer.
"We're busiest from 12 to 2," he said, "All the businessmen come in during lunch hours. Then it's kind of dead until 3, when we get the students from Knox College."
I checked the clock on the wall. 3:00 pm sharp. College boys, here I come!
"How about if I give you the grand tour?" he said with a grin.
"Can you take time away from your desk?"
"I can do whatever I want -- I own the place. It's my third moneymaking business in town -- I also run that liquor store up front, and I inherited a restaurant from my parents. But I give this place my personal attention, if you know what I mean." He touched my shoulder.
Inside was a big lounge area with tables and chairs, a bar, a menu board offering hamburgers and pizzas, a row of arcade games, and a rack of DVD porn. Deserted.
A locker room. Deserted. Mike chatted with me while I undressed and put on a towel.
"I can't wait to work out at your gym," I said.
"Oh, we don't have a gym here. All we have are two hot tubs."
No gym facilities!
Next Mike showed me the outdoor lounge area -- deserted.
Corridors of private rooms -- deserted.
A room with two hot tubs -- deserted.
"Am I the only guy here?" I asked.
"Well, the construction outside has decreased the crowds a little."
A little?
A very nice bondage room with a rack, a pillory, and some leather equipment.
A playroom with beds and video porn playing.
A glory hole room.
"No gym facilities, and the place is completely empty," I said angrily. "You could have warned me in advance."
"Sorry. I figured you knew, since there were no cars in the parking lot but mine." He touched my shoulder again. "But if you want, I'll keep you company while you're waiting for the Knox College crowd."
We started kissing. I felt under Mike's shirt -- a thin, sallow chest. Skinny arms. And cupped his bulge -- what there was of it. Princess Teeny-Tiny.
Well, he was cute anyway. We fell onto one of the beds for 69 until he finished with a groan. Then I moved into interfemoral, but at that moment the buzzer rang.
"Whoops, that's my cue. I'm ready for my close up, Mr. DeMille!" He pulled his pants and t-shirt on and ran down the stairs.
Sex with a bath house attendant wasn't as great as I expected. But the Knox College crowds were on their way!
I hung out in the video room for awhile, waiting for the crowd of college boys to pay and undress. No one appeared.
The Geezer
I went downstairs and walked around the locker rooms, the outside patio, the lounge. Deserted, still! Not even Mike at the front desk -- he must have gone to the liquor store.
I checked the time. 3:35. Where were those 3:00 crowds? Where was anybody?
Then I saw a guy in one of the private rooms, lying on the bed, watching a porn movie. Tall, white-haired, ancient, with creaking limbs, white skin in wrinkly folds, and a grinning deaths-head face. His penis was aroused.
He was at least 20 years older than me, doddering, decrepit, sagging. At any other time, I would reject him instantly.
If I would reject him in a full club, why shouldn't I reject him in an empty club? I asked myself.
Because you make do with what's available.
Feeling very much like a hypocrite, I walked over, knelt, and went down on the Geezer. It was average sized, with a nice head, and that little sharp edge that you get with viagra. I continued to work, stopping only when he said something. "Getting close" and "Not much longer now." He groaned and shook when he finished. Nothing came out, but he jerked back.
"That was nice. I haven't had one like that in years."
"Thanks." I left and wandered around again. 4:00 pm.
I think Mike was pulling my leg about the Knox College crowd.
I went to the lounge area and leafed through some porn magazines from the 1980s. Eventually the buzzer rang again.
This guy was young, but no college boy. Short, squat, rather ugly, with a long, narrow face. He was wearing a dirty feed store cap and a dirty Metallica t-shirt, damp under the arms.
"Hot out there," I said.
He passed me with an evil grin.
At any other time, I would reject him instantly, but he was the only guy in the club except for the Geezer. So I waited a few minutes for him to undress, and then went looking.
Not in any of the private rooms. Not in the outdoor area. Not in the leather room. Not in the video room.
Metallica was in the glory hole room! A grinning shadow, not even undressed. Did he really think I didn't know who he was?
Sighing, I knelt in front of a glory hole. Soon a thick, heavy Kielbasa, uncut, came through. I went down on it, working quickly while he groaned and thrust his hips.
Metallica finished with a very big load, then pulled out, zipped up, and walked away without saying a word.
A big one, but still, less than satisfactory.
4:15 pm. Metallica only took five minutes!
Oh, well. Maybe small-but-cute Mike would be interested in another round.
Nope -- he was gone again.
I waited -- I never leave a bath house until I have kissed, fondled, or gone down on at least five guys. But the Hole in the Wall remained deserted.
4:45 pm. Enough is enough!
I dressed, deposited my towel in the basket, and went to retrieve my id.
I wanted to say "Don't bother -- it's dead in there," but decided to let them figure it out for themselves.
Another car pulled up just as I pulled out. Four college boys!
A third car passed me at the entrance.
I kicked myself all the way to Rock Island. If only I had waited a few more minutes....
At least I can tell all my friends that I went down on every guy at a bath house.
See also: The Shy Boy at the Bath House
all phenomenal!
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