Saturday, March 11, 2017

Naked Men in Every Country in Europe

Remember the Johnny Cash song "I've Been Everywhere"?

I've been everywhere, man
I've been everywhere, man
Crossed the deserts bare, man
Breathed the mountain air, man

I haven't been everywhere, but I've been to over 30 countries on every continent except Antarctica, with a hookup, date, or sausage sighting in almost every one.  I'm going to go through them all, and list my favorite naked men.

To count, they have to actually be from the country (no ex-pats) and be living there during my visit (Yuri won't count in Russia, for instance).

1. Austria.  During the Famous Slovakian Summer of 2005, Doc and I spent a weekend in Vienna, where we met and "shared" Josef, an architectural student at the Academy of Fine Arts.  Cute in a nerdish way, with the most beautiful uncut Kielbasa I have ever seen.

2. Belgium.  An overnight stop on my regular Paris to Amsterdam trip.  There used to be a private club there with a dark room in back so big, it had bunk beds, where in March 2002 I spent most of the night with a Flemish psychiatrist named Lukas. 

3. Britain.  In 2007, I flew to London to visit Yuri and his boyfriend Michael, and we went to an "Indie" bar (I thought "Indie" meant South Asians, but it doesn't). I picked up a South Asian anyway, Nehal, an enormously well hung Emo boy who turned out to be a bottom.

4. The Czech Republic.  During the Famous Slovakian Summer of 2005, we visited Prague, one of the most beautiful cities in Europe.  While we were working out at the gym, a very muscular gym rat named Evzin asked if I was a "movie star."  I was so flattered that I had no choice to invite him back to our hotel room.

5. Denmark.  I've only been there for a brief layover, enough to go to Tivoli Gardens and back, so I'm going to have to use a sausage sighting at the urinals.  I assume the guy was a local.

6. Estonia.   On our second night in Talinn during our Baltic States tour of 1998, Yuri and I landed a date with Kaspar, an office worker in his 30s with blond hair, a tight, muscular frame, and a Bratwurst+, plus a Swedish bodybuilder named Kalle.  We joked that "Kaspar and Kalle" sounded like a comic book title.

7. Finland.  Three days in Helsinki during our Baltic States tour of 1998.  I went to the gym by myself and had a chubby blond twink go down on me in the shower.

8. France.  I've been to France lots of times, so it's hard to decide.  Maybe Farshad, the French Moroccan on my Sausage List (Mortadella+), who hooked up with Leonardo DiCaprio and helped found a gay Muslim organization in Paris.

9. Germany.  During my sophomore year in college, I dated Wolfgang, a choirboy at St. Peter's Cathedral in Regensburg.

10. Hungary.  Budapest, during the Famous Slovakian Summer of 2005.  A tall, thin guy with a Bohemian beard approaches Doc and me on the street.  At first we think he's a panhandler, but it turns out he's just cruising badly.  Into kissing and oral, Kielbasa beneath the belt.

More after the break

11. Iceland.  In the fall of 2016, Yuri and I met Bjorn, a film student from Akureyri, who told us that he had 10".  When we got back to his apartment, it turned out to be only about 5.5".  He didn't calculate inches properly!   

12. Italy.  I visited in the summer of 1985, to track down my high school crush, who turned out to be straight.  No hookups.

13. Latvia.  Lane wanted to visit to research the Lithuanian Jewish communities.  I wanted to hear the Lithuanian language, which hasn't changed much since Indo-European.  No hookups, but a couple of sausage sightings.

14. Minsk.  When Yuri got a job teaching Atmospheric Sciences in Minsk, Belorussia, he invited me to visit, to prove that it wasn't homophobic.  I visited in the middle of a Minsk winter, which was brutal, but at least he provided a "West Hollywood Party" with four guys.

15. The Netherlands. I've visited many times.  Probably Janik, the Frisian bodybuilder from the Horseman's Club.

16. Poland.  When Lane and I visited in search of his Polish Jewish heritage, we met a businessman named Gregor -- in his 40s, hairy, very muscular, with a round face, short black hair, and a black beard, mostly into anal, but we talked him into oral.

17. Russia.  I visited during the famous Baltic States tour of 1998, but didn't hook up with anyone.

18. Slovakia.  I spent the Famous Slovakian Summer of 2005 in Levoca, a small town with no gay bars, bath houses, or anything.  But it did have a water park where teenagers cruised (don't worry, he was 18).

19. Spain.  Definitely Ramon, the Catalan guy who happened to be of Chinese ancestry, who topped me in my second Greek passive experience (Fred was the first).

20. Switzerland.  Visited for the Nazarene International Institute the summer after my junior year in high school.  No hookups.  I showered with a couple of cute guys, but they were Portuguese, not Swiss.

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