How Intimate is Your Sex Life?

We have sex for many reasons:

To express erotic desire.

To experience beauty

To boost our self esteem

To be polite

For recreation

To establish and maintain intimacy.

Intimacy: that feeling of intense closeness, of opening not only your body but your soul, is essential for starting and maintaining a romantic relationship, the only way to distinguish friends and roommates from lovers.

These are sexual acts rated on a scale of 1 (least intimate) to 10 (most intimate).

To determine the intimacy of your sex life, score yourself for each of these acts that you engaged in with a partner during the last week, then divide by the number of sessions.

For instance, if you had five sessions last week, twice as as an anal top, three times as an oral bottom, three times as an oral top, and and one mutual masturbation, your score is 6.0

But, if you had five sessions last week, all involving kissing, plus twice as an anal bottom and three times as an oral bottom, your score is 12.8.

Note:  They are rated on intimacy only, not on other ways to judge a sexual act, such as skill required, degree of erotic stimulation provided, and facility at producing an orgasm.

Anal Top.  Anal takes preparation and equipment (condoms and lube don't come cheap), and the top has to be minimally attracted to the bottom, or it won't work.   But if you go in from the rear, you're facing the wrong direction, and even if you go in with his legs in air, you can't see much.

Plus you have to concentrate on proper technique.  If you are big, how to minimize the pain?  If you are small, how to keep from popping out at every thrust.  2 points

Anal Bottom.  The same problem as with topping -- facing the wrong way, or you can't see much.  But the pain and sense of risk work to increase the intimacy. 4 points

BDSM Bottom.  Letting a guy bind and gag you  requires a lot of trust, and he's producing not only erotic pleasure but domination, control, and pain.  5 points


BDSM Top.  BDSM requires even more preparation and equipment than anal, but it's not just a matter of plowing in. You have to pay careful attention to the bottom's reactions, and modify your actions accordingly.  5 points.

Interfemoral/Frottage, Top or Bottom: No advance preparation or technique to worry about, and you're facing each other, feeling each other's entire body, not just a penis.

Frottage (through the clothes): 3 points.
Interfemoral (naked): 7 points.


Kissing.  So intimate that some guys won't do it at all, and others, only with a romantic partner.  10 points.

Mutual Masturbation.  But isn't that what kids do before they figure out more advanced techniques?  Sure, but think of what you are doing: you and your partner have your hands on each other's most sensitive body part, which requires a great deal of trust.  You are gazing into each other's eyes.

And you have to be very aware to your partner's response to move toward a simultaneous orgasm.  Very intimate.  7 points







Oral Bottom. Not very intimate at all.  Most guys will go down on anyone who offers, regardless of face, physique, or personality -- a penis is a penis, and beneath the belt they're all the same.   You can even go down on a disembodied penis, through a glory hole or in a dark room, and have no idea who he is or what he looks like.

And the thrusting requires so much concentration, so much attention to technique and breath control, that you don't have much time left to establish emotional intimacy.  2 points

Oral Top.  A little more intimate.  Just as with oral bottoms, most guys will drop their pants for anyone who asks (as long as they are male and over 18) -- a mouth is a mouth.  But putting your penis into a position where you could get bit requires a minimum of trust, and at least you can look at at your partner.  4 points

See also: The Ins and Outs of Oral Sex

My Favorite Sexual Activity

Quickly, without thinking about the answer, what would you like to do with this guy?

The answer is probably: touch him.

Erotic desire is about touch: his chest, his mouth, his penis, using your hands, your mouth, and your penis.

What we call "sex" is actually about touch: fondling him, kissing him, putting his penis into you, putting your penis into him.

You can enter his mouth, but then you won't be able to fondle him anymore. You can enter his butt, but then you won't be able to kiss him anymore. But guess what: he has a third place for you to enter while still being able to fondle and kiss:

Between the legs.

It's called intercrural (Latin for "between the legs") or interfemoral (from the  femur bone that extends down the thighs).

Your partner lies down, face up, and squeezes his legs together. You lube your cock, lie on top of him, and enter just beneath his scrotum, the area called the perineum.

While you're thrusting, you can kiss and fondle as much as you like.

Interfemoral allows you to feel his entire body, not just his mouth or his penis.

Your partner will be able to feel your entire body, too, and he will find the thrusting on his perineum very erotic.  The pressure on his cock and balls usually pushes him to orgasm.

I generally like to start the erotic session with kissing, fondling, and oral.  When the guy finishes, I enter for interfemoral (the perineum is particularly sensitive after an orgasm).

If you're big or husky, he might find the pressure uncomfortable.  In that case, you can enter in an arched position.

If there's a major size difference, I suggest putting your partner on top.

You can also turn him onto his stomach and enter that way, as an alternative to anal.

Interfemoral is completely safe. The only problem might be a friction burn on your penis, which can be avoided by using lube.

 You and your partner can't do interfemoral simultaneously, but the next best thing is called frottage or the Princeton Rub (because Princeton students used it as an alternative to anal):

You press your cocks together and manipulate them with your hands, or use the pressure of your bodies.

Frottage works best when the cocks are the same size.  If one is substantially smaller, it gets lost.

Interfemoral doesn't work with three people.  I've tried entering between his legs while the third guy enters his mouth, and entering from the front while the third guy enters from the rear, but it's a complex operation with little erotic payoff.

Interfemoral requires you to focus all of your time, concentration, and erotic energy on one person, on exploring his body as fully as possible.

Isn't that what sex is all about?

See also: The Ins and Outs of Oral Sex; The Most Underrated Sexual Act; How Intimate is Your Sex Life?