Wednesday, April 4, 2018

The Ins and Outs of Oral Sex

I've never met a guy who didn't like giving or receiving oral sex, and for many guys it is the most erotic of sexual acts, more intimate than anal, more satisfying than interfemeral.

It seems simple: you put your mouth over your partner's Bratwurst, take it past your uvula, and through a combination of tongue and lip action, suction, and sometimes hand action, bring him to orgasm.

But it's not just a matter of going down.  You have to intermingle hard and soft, light and heavy, head and shaft.  You have to modify your technique based on a thousand unspoken signals  You have to be aware of his entire body, his muscles contracting, his heart beat, his intakes of breath.

You have to make sure that he doesn't progress too quickly, or too slowly.  He should finish in five to ten minutes, depending on his age and the amount of time since his last orgasm.

Swallowing is essential: the orgasm is diminished if you don't follow through, and HIV is not transmitted that way.  However, if you have a mouth sore or abrasion,  you should avoid giving oral sex.

Or, for that matter, if you have a cold.  You need to breathe through your nose.

Very important: he's not finished until three or four thusts after he ejaculates.

Afterwards, etiquette demands that he go down on you, or open himself up to some other sexual act.  And kissing and cuddling are mandatory.

The basic position is on your knees while he is lying prostrate or sitting, so it goes in vertically.

If he's very big, he should stand, so it goes in horizontally.  That makes it easier for you to take him past your uvula without gagging.

If he's very small or not fully aroused,  you can involve his balls without switching to hand action

Two guys at once works best when they are of approximately the same height and size.  They can be standing or lying down.

But I always feel left out when two guys are kissing, and I'm stuck beneath the belt.

Three guys at once is impossible.  At most you'll get the heads.

If he prefers to thrust, you can lie prostrate or sit, and ask him to kneel over you.  Your neck doesn't get tired, and a third guy can work on you at the same time.  However, this position does not allow for variations in technique, and it's easy to gag.

Many people swear by 69, when one partner lies atop the other, or side by side,in head-toe position.  They can work on each other simultaneously.  But I find it difficult to concentrate on technique when someone is working on me, and if the guy is husky or muscular, the weight of his body can make it hard to breathe.

Glory holes and dark rooms provide the most basic experience -- a disembodied penis or mouth belonging to no one or anyone, your fantasy guy.

But when receiving, and especially when giving, I want to know who I'm with.  His biography, his personality, his tastes, his interests, the way he talks, the way he eats.  Or, at a bare minimum, his face and physique.

After all, you're not going down on a disembodied penis.  His whole body is involved, the muscles of his legs and stomach, his heart, his lungs.  His blood. His hormones.  His brain.

His thoughts, his conscious and unconscious desires, his fantasies.  His image of himself as a man.  As a gay man.

His past.  His future.

If you do it right, you can reach out and touch his soul.

See also: Learning about Oral Sex in the Church Parking Lot; the "Late for Class Dream" and Oral Sex 101; and My Favorite Sexual Act



  1. If you're squeamish, you can end with a handy, but the four thrusts rule always applies. Absolutely do NOT suddenly stop as a guy cums.

    1. That's the main newbie mistake. The ejaculation is the peak of his orgasm, but it lasts for another few seconds. You have to keep going.



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