How Intimate is Your Sex Life?

We have sex for many reasons:

To express erotic desire.

To experience beauty

To boost our self esteem

To be polite

For recreation

To establish and maintain intimacy.

Intimacy: that feeling of intense closeness, of opening not only your body but your soul, is essential for starting and maintaining a romantic relationship, the only way to distinguish friends and roommates from lovers.

These are sexual acts rated on a scale of 1 (least intimate) to 10 (most intimate).

To determine the intimacy of your sex life, score yourself for each of these acts that you engaged in with a partner during the last week, then divide by the number of sessions.

For instance, if you had five sessions last week, twice as as an anal top, three times as an oral bottom, three times as an oral top, and and one mutual masturbation, your score is 6.0

But, if you had five sessions last week, all involving kissing, plus twice as an anal bottom and three times as an oral bottom, your score is 12.8.

Note:  They are rated on intimacy only, not on other ways to judge a sexual act, such as skill required, degree of erotic stimulation provided, and facility at producing an orgasm.

Anal Top.  Anal takes preparation and equipment (condoms and lube don't come cheap), and the top has to be minimally attracted to the bottom, or it won't work.   But if you go in from the rear, you're facing the wrong direction, and even if you go in with his legs in air, you can't see much.

Plus you have to concentrate on proper technique.  If you are big, how to minimize the pain?  If you are small, how to keep from popping out at every thrust.  2 points

Anal Bottom.  The same problem as with topping -- facing the wrong way, or you can't see much.  But the pain and sense of risk work to increase the intimacy. 4 points

BDSM Bottom.  Letting a guy bind and gag you  requires a lot of trust, and he's producing not only erotic pleasure but domination, control, and pain.  5 points


BDSM Top.  BDSM requires even more preparation and equipment than anal, but it's not just a matter of plowing in. You have to pay careful attention to the bottom's reactions, and modify your actions accordingly.  5 points.

Interfemoral/Frottage, Top or Bottom: No advance preparation or technique to worry about, and you're facing each other, feeling each other's entire body, not just a penis.

Frottage (through the clothes): 3 points.
Interfemoral (naked): 7 points.


Kissing.  So intimate that some guys won't do it at all, and others, only with a romantic partner.  10 points.

Mutual Masturbation.  But isn't that what kids do before they figure out more advanced techniques?  Sure, but think of what you are doing: you and your partner have your hands on each other's most sensitive body part, which requires a great deal of trust.  You are gazing into each other's eyes.

And you have to be very aware to your partner's response to move toward a simultaneous orgasm.  Very intimate.  7 points







Oral Bottom. Not very intimate at all.  Most guys will go down on anyone who offers, regardless of face, physique, or personality -- a penis is a penis, and beneath the belt they're all the same.   You can even go down on a disembodied penis, through a glory hole or in a dark room, and have no idea who he is or what he looks like.

And the thrusting requires so much concentration, so much attention to technique and breath control, that you don't have much time left to establish emotional intimacy.  2 points

Oral Top.  A little more intimate.  Just as with oral bottoms, most guys will drop their pants for anyone who asks (as long as they are male and over 18) -- a mouth is a mouth.  But putting your penis into a position where you could get bit requires a minimum of trust, and at least you can look at at your partner.  4 points

See also: The Ins and Outs of Oral Sex