16 West Hollywood Hunks That I've Been Keeping Secret

The 10 years I spent in West Hollywood were the best in my life.  Ok, my career was going nowhere: I dropped out of two graduate schools, couldn't sell my novel, tried to make do on part time and temporary jobs, and was unemployed for a year.

But who cares, when you live in Paradise?  Everything was fresh and new and exciting.  Just stopping for coffee at the Greenery was an adventure.  

And the beefcake....

You probably thought that 40 stories, from the Bulgarian Bodybuilder through Marshall the Virgin, represents a comprehensive account of my erotic and romantic life in West Hollywood.  But there's a lot more.  Here are some boyfriends, dates, hookups, and sausage sightings that I forgot to mention. 

Or didn't want to.  Either they're not interesting enough for a full post, or they're too embarrassing or distasteful to dwell on.

1. The Farmboy Fetishist, who spent our entire date asking me about milking cows, driving pick up trucks, wearing blue overalls, and going to tractor pulls.  I tried to tell him that Rock Island was urban, nowhere near cornfields, but he wouldn't believe me.

2. The Insult Comedian I got fixed up with, who spent the entire evening insulting me, and then asked me up to his room.  I reneged, saying "Oh, my favorite tv program is on."  He said, "You can watch it upstairs."  So I relented.  I watched tv and then left without doing anything erotic.

3. Sleeping on the Floor. The guy who invited me back to his place at the end of the date, but wouldn't let me into his bedroom.  He spread out a blanket on the living room floor.  Unfortunately, his gigantic dog wanted to participate.  Every time I tried anything, the dog would try to join in.  Finally he said "This isn't going to work."

4. Will the Bondage Boy who lived in Silverlake, where he had a Sweeney Todd fetish.  He had a fantasy about being cooked and eaten, and wanted me to help him accomplish it -- not all the way, of course, but a fantasy scene.

5. Raul's New Roommate, Heinz, a slim, long-faced, bearded Daddy with a girl fetish, not my type, but I figured it was only polite to agree to share.  

6. Lane's Celebrity Date.  A minor celebrity -- he had starred in one of those low-budget teen slasher movies.  Blond, nice physique.  He moved to Tampa, Florida to work in hotel management.  When I moved to Florida years later, I looked him up -- and he remembered me!

7. The Silver Lake Stud. The guy who spoke only Spanish who I picked up at a bar in Silverlake.  He said he wanted to do a lot of things, but when I got him back home to the apartment with Lane, he didn't want to besar or mamar.  "Oh, I just said that so you would bring me home," he said.  All he wanted to do was to cojer.  But I wasn't in the mood, and besides, there were no condoms in the house.  So I drove him all the way back to Silverlake.  I should have made him walk.

8. "How Are You" Is Not a Question.  The guy who invited us up to his room -- he turned out to live in on of those low-budget hotels downtown -- where he told us about his many, many, many, many serious medical problems.  Way to kill the mood!

9. Multiracial.  The Asian guy from Mugi who invited me over for dinner with his roommate, who was black, and the roommate's boyfriend, who was Hispanic.  We did a lot of switching partners that night.

10. The guy Alan knew from his porn movie days, who he brought as the "entertainment" to a party with my Celebrity Boyfriend.

11. Randall, the Bear with the Pierced Penis.  Not just a small piercing, either -- a gigantic silver ring through the head.  You could break your teeth on that thing.

12. The Silverlake Wrestler.  He wanted to become an Episcopal priest, and was into wrestling.

13. The African-American leather bear who wore ten tons of jewelry on his nipples and liked having them bitten -- hard.

14. The portly leather guy who had his body completely covered with tattoos.  He even had a tattooed penis.

15. The Sleazoid. Lane and I never talked about what we would do if one of us brought home someone to share, and the other wasn't interested.  It happened one night: he brought home a sleazy, oily, disgusting guy who reeked of alcohol.  No way!  But I had no choice but to watch; it was part of the deal.

16. The cholo who asked me out to see if I would be too scared to accept.  I wasn't.  Our date involved going to his cousin's quinceanera and meeting his abuela. 

See also: My Sausage List; 20 Asian Boyfriends, Hookups, and Sausage Sightings; 20 Teenagers, Twinks, and Cute Young Things.