Sex with Kevin the Vampire, my sort-of boyfriend in San Francisco, was exhausting. No simple ten-minute blow job for him! It was a long, complicated ordeal that took two hours minimum.
There was massage with weird oils.
There were ice cubes and strawberries.
His hands and mouth went everywhere, kissing and licking places that I didn't even know I had. How did he manage to get his tongue inside my penis hole?
He would bring you close to orgasm, stop, start again, stop, start again, stop, over and over until you were begging for it.
Then, after your orgasm, he kept on going. While you were still sensitive!
In order to survive, I would have to find some way to dilute Kevin's sexual energy.
Tiring him out with a hard workout? No.
Depressing him with tales of childhood homophobia? No.
Keeping him up late? No.
One morning over our breakfast coffee (Kevin didn't eat), I suggested bringing in a third person.
"I'm really rather monogamous," he said with a frown. "I prefer to devote my full attention to my man, as you know."
Yes, but your full attention is exhausting! "I like a bit of variety from time to time."
"Well, I'm perfectly agreeable to an open relationship. You may certainly attend your Bear Parties, and go out with your friend David to cruise for Cute Young Things."
I took his hand. "But I want the other guy to experience you in the bedroom. Your hotness. Your enthusiasm. Your power."
He chuckled. "Flattery has its uses. By all means, then, bring on the barbarian hoards."
Three Way #1: Corbin the Gym Rat
Corbin and I worked out together and went to services at the MCC, the gay church. He was about 10 years younger than me, tall, Mediterranean, very muscular, with a handsome face, big black eyes, aquiline nose, a prominent chin. And a Mortadella+ beneath the belt.
After my birthday dinner in November, Kevin and I invited him home.
For four hours of hands and thighs and tongues, incense and oils, hot wax and feathers. Corbin was brought to the point of orgasm a dozen times until he was crying. Kevin allowed me to take his spurt, then turned me over on my back and told Corbin exactly how to use his mouth and tongue, what to stroke, what to lick.
It was almost dawn when I finished, and Kevin was still fully aroused!
Maybe Kevin was too attracted to Corbin to dispel his sexual energy. Maybe if I found someone he wasn't attracted to at all?
He liked tall, broad-shouldered, muscular guys, He despised "short, fey twinks with earrings and squeaky little voices."
So I went to Twin Peaks in the Castro and picked up Lamar, a short, fey twink with a smooth, sallow chest, and long, skinny legs. We kissed and groped for awhile, and then I invited him home to meet Kevin.
I went down on him while he went down on Kevin, who finished almost immediately and then rolled over and fell asleep.
Rather disappointing -- I wanted to diminish the intensity of Kevin's passion, not extinguish it altogether.
Ok, someone who was closer to Kevin's type, but not too close: a hairy muscle bear. So I went to the Eagle and picked up a leather daddy named Orson -- about ten years older than me, balding, with a grizzly beard and a thick mat of white chest hair.
He turned out to be an anal top. Neither of us were into anal, so Kevin and I took turns going down on him and fondling each other.
When he finished, Orson turned over onto his stomach and began to snore. Kevin and I fell asleep soon, too. No orgasms.
This was like the Three Bears story -- too hot, too cold. I needed to find a guy who was "just right"
Three Way #4: Marius
Our fourth three-way was with one of Kevin's friends. Actually his only close friend -- and boss at St. Mary's -- Marius, a beefy muscle bear in his 40s, with a heavy beard and a thick mat of chest hair. He was from Argentina, but his parents were German. He was somehow related to famous theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer..
This time Kevin was all over both of us, kissing and fondling, running his tongue over cocks and balls and nipples and armpits. I went down on Marius twice, and Kevin three times, until my jaw ached. He brought us near orgasm a dozen times before allowing us to spurt together.
Ok, what was the difference between Marius and Orson? They were both hung muscle bears.
What did Kevin find attractive other than muscular physiques and gigantic sausages?
I couldn't ask him openly, of course, but I hinted around and got three characteristics:
3, Religious devotion.
Suddenly it struck me:
Corbin and Marius: Muscle and religion (too hot)
Lamar: Neither (too cold)
Orson: Muscle only (too cold).
How about religion only?
Our fifth-three way was with Wayne, one of David's friends: a former Greek Orthodox priest who ran an interdenominational Orthodox fellowship in Berkeley. He was in his 30s, handsome, cleanshaven, not muscular, with a pale chest, thin arms, and a Bratwurst beneath the belt.
Kevin was attentive to both of us, but not extravagant. Kissing, oral, 69, interfemoral, no edging or weird oils. One orgasm apiece. Finished before dawn.
Now I just had to find a lot more skinny religious guys.
See also: Kevin the Vampire's Date with Satan.