Six Nazarene Rules That I Still Follow

 I grew up in the ultra-fundamentalist Church of the Nazarene, where nearly everything that "the world" considered innocent was strictly forbidden.

Almost every recreational activity: going to movies; going to the theater; dancing ("even in the guise of physical education classes"); rock music; carnivals, circuses, and fairs; mixed swimming; science fiction and fantasy novels.

Any immodest or androgynous clothing: short pants on a boy, pants of any sort on a girl; long hair on a boy or short hair on a girl; jewelry or makeup of any sort; beards and moustaches.

Keeping the Sabbath: no eating out, buying or selling anything, doing any work (including homework), or reading secular literature like the Sunday newspaper (save it for Monday).

Sex: No sex outside of marriage; so kissing until your wedding night; no divorce. Presumably no abortion, although it was never mentioned.  Gay people were not mentioned until my senior year in high school, when the preacher suddenly discovered that they existed, and were the cause of every social problem (including teen pregnancy).

And of course, NO ALCOHOL:  nothing that every contained alcohol, even if it doesn't now.  Nothing that sounds like it might contain alcohol, like root beer and beer nuts.  Don't walk past a tavern; don't shop in a store that sells alcohol; don't visit someone's home if there is alcohol in the house.  Some Nazarenes wouldn't visit the University of Illinois because it was in a town named Champaign.

I left the church gradually, first skipping Wednesday night prayer meetings and other mid-week activities, then the Sunday night services, and finally, around my first year of college, the Sunday morning services.  Since then, I've only been inside a Nazarene church a few times, mostly for weddings and funerals.  But some of the rules were so thoroughly ingrained that I still follow them, or feel guilty when I don't:

1. No Alcohol.  I've had 1 1/2 cans of beer and 1 glass of wine in my life.  I feel uncomfortable in restaurants that are also bars, although gay bars are not a problem.

2. No Eating Out on Sunday.  I always feel slightly guilty when I eat out on Sunday afternoons, although it's fun to watch the people who have obviously just left church. Rather hypocritical, aren't they?

3. No Movies.  I go to movies, but always with a little frisson of wrong-doing, like it is decadent and disreputable.  

4. No Hand Stamps.  At some venues, they insist on stamping your hand so you can leave and come back without paying a new admission fee.  The Nazarene Church taught that this was the Mark of the Beast; you were basically selling your soul to the devil.  I still will not permit it. Even seeing those stamps on people's hands is disturbing.

5. No jewelry.  I don't know if it's Nazarene brainwashing or just personal tastes, but rings on a man are a major turn-off.  I don't care what this guy looks like, he's never getting into my bed. 

6, No circuses or carnivals.  Most likely I just don't care for them: loud, gaudy, sensory-overloading. Although I wouldn't mind inviting these guys home for an aperitif.  Oh, wait -- there's no alcohol in the house.