Saturday, October 31, 2015
Gay Ghosts, Vampires, Aliens, and Paranormal Bogies
1. The Naked Man at the Crossroads. Ok, this happened to my great-grandmother, not me, but it was still a spooky story, especially hearing it in a house trailer in the deep woods of Indiana, late at night, with the wind howling outside.
2. The Naked Man in the Peat Bog. My Uncle Paul always told us to never go near the peat bog, because a naked man lived there, and he would eat us. But one day we went to the peat bog anyway, and sure enough, a naked man wearing a weird mask chased us. Maybe it was Uncle Paul's friend, trying to scare us. Maybe not.
. Greg the Boy Vampire gave me my first real kiss. At least he said he was a vampire.
4. The Naked Indian God. At the annual Pow Wow in Rock Island, Bill and I saw an Indian youth, one of the dancers, peeing in the woods. Or doing something else. When he saw us, he vanished. Are you starting to notice a pattern here? Sublimated same-sex desire is visualized.
5. Davenport House, where the first European settler to the Quad Cities lived, has a reputation for being haunted. When we were in high school, we decided to check.
6. The Ghost Artist in the Basement. I didn't like going down to the basement, where the previous owner kept an art studio. It hadn't been touched since he died; I kept thinking that he was just upstairs getting a drink of water, and he would be back One day I saw him hunched over his easel, drawing pictures of naked men.
7. The Bell Tower at Augustana: if a virgin was kissed there, the bell would ring. I tried to kiss Adam, the bookstore manager, but we were detained.
8. Getting Intimate in the Haunted House. Joseph from the Gay Student Association at Indiana University asked me to help him help clean out his great-aunt's house. We got intimate in his old room.
9. West Hollywood was oddly bereft of the paranormal, unless you count my date with Richard Dreyfuss, which was actually more about discussing the paranormal.
10. But San Francisco was overbrimming with ghosts, bogies, and the unexplained, like Kevin the Vampire.
11. And I went home with the Amazing Invisible Boy, who no one could see except me, and who vanished before we can get into the bedroom. Maybe he just left, but then why was my apartment door locked from the inside?
13. New York was full of paranormal experiences, too, like the exorcism of the homophobic demon.
14. And the Man in Black who cruised me on Christopher Street. I still think he was an alien, not a priest.
15. Sometimes you couldn't tell if a guy was a paranormal entity or just eccentric, like the time traveler from the 1930s.
16. And at our 20th class reunion, Erik told me about his encounter with a naked Icelandic god.
17. Ozzie tells how he met John F. Kennedy, Jr. at a bathhouse. On the day he died.
18. I'm going to count the gay psychic angel, who told me about my past lives. I'm pretty sure he wasn't an angel, just a very cute guy.
19. The Satyr. Was he just a name-dropping bear with a priapic Kovbasa++++, or a mythical being who transcended time and space?
20. The Plains is all windswept prairie, tailor-made for weird revenants. Like Phil the Truck Driver, #20 on my Sausage List, who looks exactly like my Dad's best friend from the Navy -- 50 years ago.
21. The Hookup with the Hobbit.