David from San Francisco has just arrived for a week-long visit. I pick him up at the airport, drop his stuff off at my apartment, and take him to dinner at a tapas place nearby. I'm complaining about how much I hate it here: my tiny apartment, the long commute to my terrible job, the lack of gay organizations...
And especially the endless parade of twinks desperate to come to my room for NSA sex before they go on to their real lives with their real friends.
"Nonsense!" David exclaims. "This is a bona fide gay neighborhood, lots of guys to date. You're just going about it wrong. Let an old pro demonstrate."
"I've been out longer than you have."
"True, but I've had more experience. Watch me do my magic in the City of Brotherly Love -- I'll bet you I can get dates with 10 -- no, 15 guys in one day."
"15 guys in one day!" I exclaim. "No way!"
"If I get all 15," David says, "You have to pay for my trip out here. If I don't, I'll pay for a flight out to San Francisco to visit me next summer."
I accept the bet, with these rules:
1. "Getting a date" will be defined as: convincing a guy to give you his telephone number.
2. The phone number must be real and working. On a follow-up call, the guy must answer.
3. You don't have to actually go through with the date or hookup.
4. You must acquire all phone numbers during the next 24 hours, between 8:00 pm Wednesday and 8:00 pm Thursday.
David puts a 24-hour timer on his cell phone. "Well, we better get started."
Wednesday 8:00 pm. The Bike Stop.
A leather bar in Washington Square West with four levels, two discos, a leather shop, and an unofficial dark room. Unfortunately, it's way early, and many people are still hungover from St. Patrick's Day on Monday.
Still, David manages to meet an older leatherman and an otter (a tall, thin hairy guy, as opposed to the usual husky bear).
Next I suggest Club Philly, a bath house, but David is too tired. We go home to bed.
Dates: 2
A mostly-gay breakfast place on 10th. Female server, but two guys at the next table are visiting from Texas, and invite us to get together later. David gets the phone numbers of both.
Dates: 4.
8:00 am. The Twelfth Street Gym.
A mostly-gay gym near my horrible apartment. We work out, and David cruises. He gets the phone number of a cute Asian guy who always spends his time on the treadmill.
Dates: 5.
Eleven hours left. David really might do this. What non-gay venue should I take him to?
The most touristy site in Philadelphia, where thousands of camera-toting nuclear families from Kansas gawk at the Declaration of Independence and the Liberty Bell. One can imagine few more heteronormative places, yet David managed to get cruised by one of the gift shop guys, a 21-year old Temple University undergrad.
Dates: 6.
12:00 pm. El Azteca
Lunch at a Mexican restaurant on Chestnut Street. David doesn't pick up anyone.
These non-gay venues did the trick! David will never get an additional 9 guys! But to seal the deal, let's try somewhere even more heteronormative:
1:00 pm Museum of American Jewish History
Near Independence Hall. Exhibits on Jewish immigration and culture, and the Jewish contribution to the arts, science, entertainment, and sports.
No way will David pick up anyone here!
But he does. a cute Jewish twink from Toledo, in town on business.
Dates: 7.
"Next, let's go to a bathhouse," David suggests.
"Oh, it will be dead on Thursday afternoon," I protest. "Let's go tonight."
"After my 8:00 pm deadline?" He smiles. "You wouldn't be trying to sabotage me, would you?"
3:00 pm. Club PhillyA bathhouse with a full gym, saunas, steam rooms, a deck, a video room, and some glory holes. It's relatively crowded with businessmen looking for a quick hookup, retirees who spend hours in the saunas, and working-class downlow guys.
David gets four phone numbers.
I shouldn't kick. I got to go down on three guys, including a buffed, smooth-chested French Canadian.
Dates: 11.
"As a former Baptist minister, you'll certainly be interested in the First Baptist Church of Philadelphia," I tell David. "It was founded in 1698, it's racially integrated and gay-friendly."
"Sure. We can go to a service there on Sunday. But for now, let's just walk around the gay neighborhood, maybe stop in at Giovanni's Room."
5:00 [m. Giovanni's Room
One of the oldest gay bookstores in the world, with a full range of books, plus poetry readings and community events. David chats up the co-owner and gets his phone number.
Dates: 12.
Two hours and three numbers to go!
"So, want to try out one of those numbers, invite the guy out to dinner?" I ask.
David grins. "Not just yet. Is there a bar around here with a happy hour?"
"Um...no. No place comes to mind."
A popular gay bar on 13th, with a happy hour from 4 pm to 6 pm. We get there just after it ends, but order appetizers anyway, and get cruised by a young bearded guy named Jack.
He and David spend a long time kissing and fondling. It's nearly 7:00 pm by the time they get around to exchanging phone numbers.
Great, an hour left, and two numbers to go! He'll never make it!
"Could I get your work number, too?" David asks. "In case Boomer and I want to take you to lunch."
Dates: 14
Grr!
7:00 pm: Dragon Palace
David wants to go to another gay bar, but I claim to be famished and drag him to the Dragon Palace, a Chinatown restaurant that specializes in Cantonese dishes. It's packed with families with screaming kids and heterosexual couples on dates, mostly Asian, hardly any place to move, let alone cruise.
Besides, I didn't see any obviously gay people around to cruise.
Our order takes forever to arrive. Before we know it, it's 7:50 pm.
"Victory!" I exclaim. "No way you're going to set up a date in 10 minutes. I don't even think there are any gay people here!"
David grins at me. "Oh, ye of little faith."
At that moment, the waiter appears with the bill.
David says "I'll take care of it," reaches over, and knocks his water glass all over the waiter's belly and crotch.
He apologizes profusely, tries to sop up the water, and insists on paying to dry clean the waiter's pants.
We leave the restaurant with his phone number in David's front pocket.
Dates: 15.
"You never said that the guy has to expect a date," he says with a grin.
His cell phone alarm goes off. 8:00 pm.Results:
We hooked up with the otter from the Bike Stop and the Asian guy from the gym, had lunch with the co-owner of Giovanni's Room, and went sightseeing with the two guys from the Morning Glory Cafe.
David met with Jack from Woody's by himself.
I went out with the Temple University undergrad after he went home.
One of the phone numbers David got at Club Philly turned out to be wrong, so it didn't count, and he had to pay for me to fly out to San Francisco for a visit.
But 14 guys in 24 hours still has to be a record.
See also: The Great Hookup Contest of 2007; David Meets His Goal of 5000 Hookups
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