Sunday, April 9, 2017

Max and I Compete over 10"

Plains, November 2013

Cyrus came to the first M4M party I held on the Plains. He wasn't really my type: in his 30s, pale, very tall and thin -- you could see his ribs -- and so painfully shy that you could never get much conversation out of him, let alone sex.  He was mostly there to watch. But he had two important qualities:

1. An enormous uncut Kovbasa, easily 10".  It came halfway down his leg.

2. He lived right down the hall.  After a year in Philadelphia, where every apartment building for blocks around was occupied by gay men, it was nice to have a landsman nearby.

I started making romantic overtures.  I asked him out to dinner, but he worked evenings.  I asked him out to lunch, but he was busy.

Not interested, or too painfully shy to respond ?

When I went to San Francisco for a conference, I asked him to pick up my mail.

I got back around noon on Sunday morning, knocked on his door, and...Max answered -- in his underwear!

Max was a regular at the evening M4M Parties: a short, chubby, hairy chested bear, balding, jovial, a writer and gamer who spent most of his time at the comic book store down the street.


I didn't remember them ever coming to the same party.  How had they met?  How had they started dating?

"Um...hi...I came to pick up my mail."

"Cy's in the bathroom,  Come on in and wait."

The living room was littered with Dungeons and Dragons game pieces, pizza boxes, books, clothes, and beer cans.  There was a tv show with a Medieval theme playing.

I sat on the couch next to Max.  "So, are you guys together now?"

"Maybe...I'm not sure.  He offered his apartment for our D&D game yesterday, and we were playing all night, and then after the other guys left we sort of sat on the couch, watching Game of Thrones and cuddling."

"In your underwear...."

He shrugged.  "It's hot in here."

My jealousy started raging.  I had been working on Cy for two months, Max just takes one day to shove his way in.  Cy lived down the hall!  He was mine!

Besides, they were completely unsuited for each other.  Ok, they were around the same age, and both into Dungeons and Dragons, but tall and skinny with short and fat -- they'd look like the number 10 walking down the street!

Cy came out of the bathroom, drying his hands on a towel.  His shirt was off.  

"Hi, Boomer.  Your mail is in the kitchen -- I'll go get it."

I stopped him with a hand pressed flat against his chest.  "Wait.  I understand that Max here has declared his intention to become your boyfriend."

He began to blush.  "Well, maybe.  We haven't really discussed anything yet."

"Good, then I have time.  Before I left for San Francisco, I was going to declare my intentions, too."

"Oh, really?  I...um...didn't think you were interested.  You never said..."

Max stood up.  "Hey, I was here first."  He put his arm around Cy's waist and kissed him on the neck.

"You haven't gone out on a date yet -- hanging around the apartment doesn't count." I put my arms around both of them.  "I propose a little contest, like we used to do in West Hollywood.  Max and I will give you our best shot, and you can decide which of us to date."

"It sounds like The Dating Game, that 60s tv show."  Max said.  "It was before my time, of course, but I'll bet Boomer used to watch, when he wasn't grooving out or protesting the Vietnam War."

"Are you trying to imply that I'm too old for Cyrus?"

"I'm trying to imply that you're too old for Methuselah."

Cyrus grinned.  "I've never had two guys fighting over me before.  It sounds like fun."

We each wrote down two questions.  Cyrus read them off, and Max and I had to answer.

Question #1: Where will you bring Cy on your first date?

Boomer:  We'll fly to West Hollywood for dinner at the French Quarter, dancing at the Rage, cruising at the Faultline, and looking at the stars at Griffith Observatory.

Max: We'll fly to San Diego for the Comic Con, then dinner at Lefty's Chicago Pizzeria, and a walk along the gay nude beach.

Question #2: What non-sexual item do you have in your apartment that would make Cy love coming there?

Boomer: 5,000 Gold and Silver Age comic books, including Marvel, DC, Gold Key, Dell, Archie, Harvey, and Charleton.

Max: An X-Box and the latest version of World of Warcraft.

Question #3: What's the longest relationship you've ever had?

Boomer: Lane in West Hollywood, ten years.  

Max: Rudy from the Plains, four years.



Question #4: What non-sexual thing should Cy know about you in the bedroom?

Boomer:  I insist that me and my boyfriend go to bed at the same time every night.

Max:  I sometimes get up in the middle of the night to do work.

Question #5: How out are you, on a scale from 1 (not at all) to 10 (to everybody).

Boomer: 8.  I'm not out to my students in class.

Max: 15. Honey, I'm out to people I haven't even met yet.

Question #6: This is a hands-on question.  How good are you in bed?

I went over to where Cy was sitting, knelt on his lap, and kissed him -- a long, heavy, theatrical kiss.

Then I worked my way down, kissing neck and chest, fondling his stomach and basket, until I got to his Kovbasa.  I went down on him as enthusiastically as I could while stroking his balls and squeezing his nipples.

He wasn't becoming fully aroused.  Well, the big ones take time.  I worked harder.

Suddenly Max came over and dropped his underwear.  Cy started going down on him (average sized, cut, hard to get to with the belly fat in the way).

He became more aroused.  I worked harder.

We all moved onto the floor.  Max and Cyrus lay side by side, kissing.  I pushed my way between them and unzipped, and let them go down on me together.  But they were kissing around my penis.

I backed away and zipped up.  They were still lying in each others' arms, kissing.  I picked up a magazine.

Finally Cyrus looked up.  "You had some very good answers, but I think I'm going to go with Max."

"Yeah, I figured that. So...have I ever told you about the West Hollywood custom of sharing?"

 See also The Teenager at the 40+ Party.

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