The nice thing about having heterosexual relatives is, they tend to reproduce. And their kids grow up into a whole new group of mega-hunks.
My brother has three sons: Ethan, Frank, and Joel, plus a stepson, Robbie.
My sister has a transgender daughter whom we thought of as a son until she came out at age 28.
I've gotten sausage sightings of all of them (I only count the ones that took place after they turned 18, of course).
Frank (born October 1983)
Frank was the athlete of the family, playing baseball and basketball almost as soon as he could walk, going out for every sport at in junior high and high school. He played Varsity football and basketball made all-State in something or other, and became a letterman.
I saw Frank sitting on the toilet or standing to urinate on several occasions when he was a kid. And he saw me a lot -- so often that I suspected he was lying in wait, listening for my footsteps in the hallway.
He graduated from high school in 2001 and joined the army, and when his military service was over, found a job in Nashville or Memphis or somewhere like that. So I saw him once a year, at Christmastime, and sometimes not even then.
Frank (born October 1983)
Frank was the athlete of the family, playing baseball and basketball almost as soon as he could walk, going out for every sport at in junior high and high school. He played Varsity football and basketball made all-State in something or other, and became a letterman.
He was definitely a mesomorph, maybe tending toward endomorph, with thick, hard muscles in his chest and shoulders, thick biceps, and a little belly. In his 30s he went to fat.
After 1995, when my parents moved to Indianapolis, I stayed with Kenny during my Christmas and summertime visits to Rock Island.
He had a very big, very crowded house, so he put me in a tiny room with a single bed and a sewing machine, at the end of a long, narrow corridor. The room Frank and Ethan shared was next door, and a half-bath (toilet and sink only) next to that.
I often heard Frank's loud snoring through the wall.
He had a very big, very crowded house, so he put me in a tiny room with a single bed and a sewing machine, at the end of a long, narrow corridor. The room Frank and Ethan shared was next door, and a half-bath (toilet and sink only) next to that.
I often heard Frank's loud snoring through the wall.
The bathroom had no lock on the door, so it was not uncommon for someone to burst in during the night and get an eyeful before the half-asleep occupant could say anything.
He graduated from high school in 2001 and joined the army, and when his military service was over, found a job in Nashville or Memphis or somewhere like that. So I saw him once a year, at Christmastime, and sometimes not even then.
My sausage sighting came in the summer of 2013, when my niece (then male-identified as Joseph) got married in Indianapolis. Frank, now age 29, came to the wedding, along with a wife, son and daughter that I had never met before.
He was not an athlete anymore: he had thick arms and a belly. Thick hair, a beard, a little redneck looking. Tattoo, cowboy hat, chain-smoker. And a card-carrying GOP conservative, even more conservative than my other crazy relatives.
I steered clear of him.
Except for some reason he and his family were staying at my parents' house. They got the guest bedroom, and I was stuck on the pull-out couch in the home gym.
I almost called my ex-boyfriend Fred in Indianapolis to see if I could stay with him instead, but it wouldn't have been polite.
So for three nights, I lay on the fold-out bed, listening to Frank's loud snoring through the wall.
He was not an athlete anymore: he had thick arms and a belly. Thick hair, a beard, a little redneck looking. Tattoo, cowboy hat, chain-smoker. And a card-carrying GOP conservative, even more conservative than my other crazy relatives.
I steered clear of him.
Except for some reason he and his family were staying at my parents' house. They got the guest bedroom, and I was stuck on the pull-out couch in the home gym.
I almost called my ex-boyfriend Fred in Indianapolis to see if I could stay with him instead, but it wouldn't have been polite.
So for three nights, I lay on the fold-out bed, listening to Frank's loud snoring through the wall.
One night, late, the snoring stopped. I heard padding in the hallway -- Frank in the guest bathroom?
I waited, but didn't hear a flush. He must be out in the kitchen, getting a snack.
Feeling the urge myself, I put on a bathrobe and walked out to the guest bath. I opened the door and flipped on the light.
Frank was sitting on the toilet in the dark, looking at something on his cell phone. He had his hand on his cut Bratwurst+. Semi-aroused.
Was he masturbating?
Well, he had been sleeping in a small room with his two kids for the last three nights.
"Hey, turn out that light!" Frank whispered.
"Sorry. I didn't know you were in here." I flicked the light off, but his face and penis were still visible in the glow of his cell phone.
In the morning I took Frank aside and said "Sorry about last night. Mom and Dad really should put a lock on that door."
"That's ok. I guess we're even now. Remember all the times I burst in on you while you were in the bathroom?"
"Yeah. It happened a lot."
"I'll tell you a secret -- I was doing it on purpose." He leaned in conspiratorily. "My crazy brother said gay dudes have purple cocks, and I wanted to see if it was true."
I waited, but didn't hear a flush. He must be out in the kitchen, getting a snack.
Feeling the urge myself, I put on a bathrobe and walked out to the guest bath. I opened the door and flipped on the light.
Frank was sitting on the toilet in the dark, looking at something on his cell phone. He had his hand on his cut Bratwurst+. Semi-aroused.
Was he masturbating?
Well, he had been sleeping in a small room with his two kids for the last three nights.
"Hey, turn out that light!" Frank whispered.
"Sorry. I didn't know you were in here." I flicked the light off, but his face and penis were still visible in the glow of his cell phone.
In the morning I took Frank aside and said "Sorry about last night. Mom and Dad really should put a lock on that door."
"That's ok. I guess we're even now. Remember all the times I burst in on you while you were in the bathroom?"
"Yeah. It happened a lot."
"I'll tell you a secret -- I was doing it on purpose." He leaned in conspiratorily. "My crazy brother said gay dudes have purple cocks, and I wanted to see if it was true."
Eh, part of it's purple, but I have to pull the skin back for you to see.
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of how academics thought tops had anatomically different cocks and bottoms had anatomically different assholes, meanwhile the gays at the time were more into blowjobs.