Tuesday, May 30, 2017
Nephew Sausage Sighting #3: A Fondle and a Penis Sock
He put me in a room next to his sons, Ethan (born June 1982) and Frank (born October 1983), so I saw them shirtless and in their underwear often, and had several sausage sightings over the years (of course, I only count the ones that happened after they turned 18, when their penises were fully matured).
But his youngest son, Joel (born April 1986), had a room on the other side of the house (actually two houses crammed together), so I rarely saw him at all.
Rock Island, June 2004
When I visited Rock Island in the summer of 2004, Joel was the only nephew still living with Kenny: an eighteen year old punk rocker with a scarlet mohawk, a pierced lip, and several tattoos. Nice smooth chest, though, washboard abs, thick biceps, more buffed than emo.
I saw him perform with his group, the Dead Eunuchs: five guys with scarlet mohawks, all in their late teens and early 20s. They did a lot of crotch-grabbing and pretending to lick each other, with lines like "push your cock against my balls" and "everybody is queer."
But my brother still put me in the small room next to Frank and Ethan's old room. I could hardly walk all the way down the hall, go down the stairs, cross the kitchen, and walk down another hall to burst into Joel's bathroom.
There are only two other foolproof ways to get a sausage sighting:
1. Invite him to go swimming or to the gym, where he'll have to strip down, and you can sneak a peek.
I invited Joel to work out with me and my friend Dick, a very buffed ex-bully, at the YMCA. But he came with his gym clothes on beneath his leather jacket, so he wouldn't have to shower or change clothes there.
2. Have sex with him.
I got no gay vibe from Joel -- he was always talking about this or that girl -- but with lines like "suck a stud for Jesus" and "press your cock against my balls," he had to be bi or pansexual.
I had no intention of going down on my 18-year old nephew, but I wouldn't mind watching while he went down on someone else: Dick or his boyfriend Jack, the "pizza boy," a slim, theatrical twink: oval face, sparkling black eyes, wavy black hair, nice chest and biceps.
They invited us to dinner the day after the workout, which also happened to be the day before I would be leaving Rock Island. I didn't say anything about a three-way, figuring that it would take care of itself, but the evening had a West Hollywood feel: a guy bringing his new boyfriend over for his friends to "share."
Joel plowed into his steak and kidney pie with a gusto that made one wonder how he kept the weight off -- especially given the increasing bulk of his father and older brother. "I know Uncle Beach Boy won't be around, but you guy should definitely come and hear the Dead Eunuchs on Saturday. I can get you VIP seats."
"Does that come with a backstage pass?" Jack asked. "You know, so I can see you strip down in your dressing room and such?"
"You take your shirts off," I said, "But you don't show any cock. You should do something to illustrate your line 'press your cock against my balls' in 'My Uncle is Queer.'"
"Full frontal nudity in Rock Island!" He shook his head. "I'd be arrested."
"You could try wearing a sock, like the Red Hot Chili Peppers," Jack suggested.
He shrugged. "We tried that. They don't stay on."
"I know the trick," Dick said. "You just take some string, and wrap it from the top of your shaft. Want me to show you how?"
He nodded. "Sure, if Uncle Boomer doesn't mind seeing me naked."
"I don't mind a bit," I said with a grin.
We put the dessert and coffee on hold while Dick went to the bedroom and fetched an athletic sock and a shoe lace. Joel stood in the living room and stripped -- he was not at all shy about being naked in a roomful of gay men.
Huge Mortadella, thin, uncut. He didn't inherit that from his father!
"Nice!" Jack hinted. "I'll bet you get lots of action."
"I do ok. But you know, the girls are more into your face than your dick. You can be a pipsqueak, they don't care."
"What about the boys?" he asked. "I'm sure there are a hundred guys in the Quad Cities who would love to go down on you. One or two even in this room."
Joel laughed. "You're right -- the dudes are all about the dick."
Dick knelt in front of him. "Ok, so you tie the shoe lace like this -- Boomer, would you hold it steady for me?"
Flushed with erotic potential, I knelt and wrapped my hand around my nephew's Mortadella. Maybe I should go down on him after all...
"Hey, if Boomer gets a grope, I get a grope," Jack exclaimed. He knelt beside me. I let go, and he wrapped his hand around Joel. He started to stiffen.
"Sorry," Joel said. "That happens sometimes."
"You just need someone to take the pressure off..."
"Or maybe he needs every guy in the state to stop manhandling him!" Dick exclaimed. "Now, are we going to demonstrate the penis sock, or are we going to have a gang bang?"
"Um...." I began.
"Penis sock, please," Joel said. "Unless you have some babes waiting in the bedroom."
So Dick finished tying the knot -- it was just like tying a shoe lace -- and Joel swung his penis sock around a few time. It didn't come off. Then he got dressed again, and we had our dessert and left.
In the car, Joel said, "Cool guys, but if didn't know better, I'd think that Jack was trying to get with me."
"No way! He was just being flirty. Lots of gay gays act like that."
"I know. I mean, who would try something in front of his boyfriend and my uncle! How crazy would that be?"