Being Gay 24/7

Today gay men with a certain level of privilege criticize you for activism:  "Being gay is only a tiny part of who I am. We're married; my parents hosted the wedding.  We have a house in the suburbs.  I bring my husband to office parties.  Who cares what we do in bed?"

But for most of my life, being gay was not about the hour before bedtime. . You have to be gay 24/7.

Take a typical day in 1989, when I was living in West Hollywood, working two part-time jobs and taking classes at USC:

7:00 am:  Get up.  Breakfast.

8:00 am:  Head to work. Turn on the car radio: "Senator suggests concentration camps for AIDS victims."  Turn off the car radio.

9:00 am:  Part time job, processing applications in Human Resources at the Community Redevelopment Agency.  Pass all of the desks with heterosexual husbands and wives' photos, stop at your desk which has none. 

Coworker:  "What did you do this weekend?"
You: "Oh, we went...I mean...I went to...a festival..."

9:45 am: Overhear the boss: "He's a good family man, he'll be perfect for the job."

10:00 am: The boss comes out of her office.  "Boomer, you should find a nice girl and settle down."

11:00 am: Walking toward the break room, pass two guys: "Hey, Boomer, settle a bet.  Which is hotter, Michelle Pfeiffer or Meg Ryan?"

1:00 pm:  Head to USC.  Pass a billboard with a smiling happy heterosexual family, mom, dad, teenage daughter, preteen daughter, all blond.

2:00 pm. Class in Modern Drama.  You're discussing the Tom Stoppard play Rosencrantz and Guildersterin are Dead.  Mention that there's a gay subtext between the two guys.

Girl: I don't think this play is about..(pause, lowered voice)...homosexuality.

Guy: Shakespearean fags!  (flashes a limp wrist).

Professor: Keep it clean!

3:30 pm:  Head to the gym.

4:00 pm:  Be careful -- don't stare, especially in the locker room.

4:30 pm: Overheard:  "Didn't they elect one in Massachusetts? Barney Fag?"

5:00 pm: Stop at the florist on the way home, pick up flowers. 

Florist: "Who's the lucky lady?"

6:00:  Dinner at a Mexican restaurant.

Hostess:  Will anyone else be joining you?  No.  But she seats us at a table for four anyway.

The waitress keeps ignoring you.  Is it because she thinks you are gay?

8:00 pm: Back home, time to watch tv.

21 Jump Street: Cop going undercover in a high school falls in love.

9:00 pm: Time for sex, which is a crime in 16 states.