Kalabro: The Art of Action Hero BDSM

How many times did you get tired of Tarzan or Conan fighting off 100 guys?  Surely they should lose a fight once in a while, especially against those odds.

Or when they were captured, they were tied up with flimsy ropes and...nothing, just standing there.  They have just foiled your diabolical plan -- wouldn't any self-respecting villain want to rough them up a bit?










Fortunately, we have Kalabro, an artist who specializes in action heroes with enormous penises losing a fight.























Or captured -- and not just standing there.

Their assailant is usually a gigantic monster (with an enormous penis)  in a heroic fantasy setting, but occasionally there are paranormal or science fiction themes.

Kalabro explains:  "I've been fascinated with muscles, men, and sword and fantasy along with bondage and S&M for...well, a very long time. I always wanted to see...more...happen to Tarzan or Conan if they got caught by "bad guys."

















He has ongoing characters, Anak, Omari, Shane, and the Jungle Boy, all extremely muscular, extremely well hung, and naked.



















There are no ongoing plots, just situations: the hero is fighting a rock monster, attached to a milking machine, about to be eaten by a giant spider.

There's lots of CBT, but not much sex, and only as part of the assault. 

You're not here for the sex, you're here to see the heroes getting pummeled, punched, hoisted, tied to trees, and attacked by monsters.

Kalabro's work is not exactly erotic, but it's certainly a lot of fun.


See also: Why is Bomba the Jungle Boy Always Tied Up?

Monster Cocks

Since the days of Tom of Finland, it has been traditional in gay art to present guys with monster cocks, footlongs or more.

Some are merely unlikely.

Some are humanly impossible.

Of course, the monster cocks are not always on a human. There are furries, angels, demons....

And literal monsters.

When anal is involved, the bottom sometimes concludes that hooking up with a monster was not such a good idea after all.

More after the break.

The 10 Worst Hook Up Ice Breakers

Whether you're looking for a date, a hookup, or a friend, making contact online or in person, the first step has to be a conversation.  We used to call it an interview, because you have to acquire some basic information: the guy's name, his age (if he looks young), the type of relationship he wants, any traits that are immediate deal-breakers.  After that, it's up to you to pique his interest, present yourself in a way that makes it seem worth the risk of an hour in his bedroom, two hours at gym, or four hour at a dinner and movie plus an overnight.

But there are some questions and statements that have the opposite effect, making you appear sleazy, needy, creepy, vulgar, pretentious, or otherwise a problem.

Here are the top 10 worst questions and statements you could make during the first ice-breaking conversation:

1. How are you?  That's the world's most boring greeting.  The proper response is "Fine, thanks," and then you're back to nothing.

2. Are you having a good time?  Huh?  Who stops in the middle of an evening (or while cruising on Grindr) to evaluate the quality of the time they are having?  I can tell when I'm having a bad time, but otherwise I'm just existing.

3. Are you happy? An even greater "huh"? I don't have time to evaluate every instant of my life and determine if I am feeling generally more positive than negative.   

4. Where are you from?  That may work in big city gay neighborhoods where everyone is from somewhere else, but in small towns, everybody is from "here" or nearby, a small town that you've never heard of 20 miles away, or even worse, a small town that you never heard of with the same name as a big city: "Oh, you're from Prague!  That's my favorite town in Europe!"

5. What do you do?  Heterosexuals may ask that of each other, as they tend to be more defined by their jobs than gay people.  But in gay communities, the question is either embarrassing or meaningless.

6. Who's your hot friend?  Bringing up another guy's attractiveness?  Who thinks that will work?
















7. How big is your cock?  The 10% of the male population with big ones will be offended, thinking that you want them just for their equipment, and the 90% with average or small ones will be offended.  You don't need to know.

8. Do you know how hot you are?  Yes, he knows that you find him attractive, or you wouldn't have started the conversation.  Besides, if he actually is hot, he hears it a dozen times a day, so telling him will not pique his interest.

9. Do you work out?  Of course he works out.  All gay men work out.  Not very interesting.

10. Do you want to f*k?  You may think that you are saving time by getting right to the point, but the question is vulgar, and he may not even know yet.  That's the whole point of the initial conversation: to convince him to spend time with you.