Oral sex is great, of course, and interfemoral, with your penis inserted between his legs, is even better. But the most underrated sexual act is the one that everyone engages in, but no one admits to.
It tends to be denigrated in gay communities as far inferior to oral, anal, or interfemoral, as an act of desperation that only lonely losers and sexual compulsives stoop to.
50% of gay men surveyed don't count it as a sex act at all.
But: everybody does it, an average of 4.2 times a week. Having regular erotic activity of other types doesn't decrease your frequency.
The stigma attached to the act dates from the Middle Ages, when Christian scholars misinterpreted the sin of Onan in the Old Testament: he refused to have a child with his dead brother's widow, as required by Jewish law. Instead he "spilled his seed on the ground," and God, outraged, struck him dead. God never expresses any outrage over spilling one's seed in other contexts, but still, it became a sin, taught as a horror in religious education classes for Protestants and Catholics alike.
Medical stigma dates to a pamphlet entitled
Onania, or the heinous sin of self-pollution, and all its frightful consequences in both sexes considered, published in London in 1723. The anonymous author claimed that the foul practice "destroys conjugal affection, perverts natural inclination, and extinguishes hope of posterity."
By the 19th century, physicians were certain that the “Killer of Youth” was the cause of most physical and mental diseases, including "homosexuality." Even one time would cause permanent insanity. Generations of boys grew up terrified that the one time they gave in to temptation would soon kill them.
In
Wuthering Heights, the great novel by Emily Bronte, Heathcliffe's son Linton dies from the debilitating effects of "onanism."
Both Graham Crackers and Kellogg's Corn Flakes were invented to prevent the urge.
Of course, there's no evidence that the practice has any deleterious effects whatsoever, and many of the myths were quietly dropped from medical manuals during the 1950s and 1960s. But the stigma remains. Your friends will eagerly describe a blow-by-blow of their latest bathhouse hookup but refuse to admit that they
do that.
In 2006, gay singer Clay Aiken appeared on the morning talk show
Live with Regis and Kelly, and playfully put his hand over notoriously conservative host Kelly Ripa’s mouth. She reacted with disgust: “I don’t know where that hand has been!,” she exclaimed, implying that he might
do that.
In 2016, then-presidential candidate Ted Cruz suggested that he would push for criminalizing any sexual activity that wasn't used for the purpose of procreation.
The stigma is unfortunate. In many ways, doing it yourself is superior to oral, anal, or interfemeral
1. It's quick and easy. You don't have to go through the hassle of finding someone, taking him out to dinner, socializing with him for an hour, and then, finally getting down to it. When you have a spare ten minutes, you can just pop into the bedroom. You don't even need to get undressed.
When you're finished, you can zip up and go about your day, without having to worry about the post-coital cuddling, phone number exchange, or making the bed.
2. It's free. No sex club entry fee, no paying for an evening out, no condoms. You might have to buy some lube.
3. It's stress-free. Being with a new guy, or even a regular partner, can be very stressful. You have to worry about your attractiveness, your size, your body noises and smells, your technique, your ability to complete the act, his ability to complete the act.
And, as you age, it becomes increasingly common to lose steam in mid-act, or not be able to begin at all. When there's nothing but you, a bottle of lube, and some video porn, you can take as much or as little time as you want, or stop altogether if you lose interest. No pressure.
3. It's the safest of safe sex. No chance of contracting a STD or crabs. Even safer than kissing -- no chance of catching someone's cold.
4. You can have any partner you want. That cute guy who failed to respond to your cruising, or who you didn't have time to cruise. Guys you were with 10, 20, or 30 years ago. Film stars. Your brother-in-law.
The main problem is the risk of discovery: it's embarrassing to be caught in the middle of the act by a partner or roommate. But with a little creativity, you can come up with a cover story:
"I was just changing clothes to go to the gym."
"I had a headache, so I decided to take a nap."
"I was waiting for you to come home. Care to join me?"
After all, having a partner doubles your enjoyment:
1. You can watch him doing it. When you're going down on someone, you can't see his face, or much of his body, or even his penis. Watching him do it himself, you see the interplay of muscle in his chest and abs, his facial expressions, his aroused penis, everything.
2. You can lend a hand. You can help, touching, kissing, licking whatever body part is handy, stroking his testicles, or taking over the whole job.
3. It often leads to other sexual acts. No one ever said that has to be either self-help or oral or anal. Why not do all three?
See also:
Oral Sex 101;
Top or Bottom?; and My
Favorite Sexual Act
The tattoo on his left forearm looks like a scale with three lines over it. Tattoos were rare in 1968, unless you were in the navy.
