Mitch Dates George Clooney and a Former Teen Idol

Rosemary Clooney's nephew George rubs me the wrong way.  I like his liberal politics and the fact that he's a gay ally.  But he has a marginally attractive face, a nondescript physique, and no basket, yet he keeps being voted "Sexiest Man Alive" and "Most Handsome Man Alive."

And that annoying smug smile: "Hi, I'm George Clooney! You may worship me."

His movies are unwatchable.  I've actually only managed to sit through From Dusk to Dawn (1996), Batman and Robin (1997),  and The Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009), which, I didn't realize, was about genocide.  The others are stupid caper movies, with that smug smile intact.

I could only find one photo of a young Clooney with his shirt off.  The resolution is too low to tell whether he still had a smug smile back then.

Apparently he's had his share of gay rumors, although I can't imagine how he would find the time after bedding every lady in Hollywood.  However, I don't recall hearing a single George Clooney hookup story when I lived in West Hollywood.  He wasn't really famous until the late 1990s, so maybe no one who hooked up with him thought to mention it.  Or maybe I just zoned out.

But I got one in my handy email box yesterday.  I've modified some of the details and added dialogue.

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Hollywood, March 1991

You can call me Mitch.  In the 1980s, when I was still in my 20s, I was a make-up artist in Hollywood.  I worked on all of the great teen idols of the era, Mark-Paul Goesselaer, David Faustino, Scott Wolfe (yes, I've seen him in his underwear) -- but I'm most proud of my work on horror and sci fi.

In the summer of 1990 I got a job on ABC's Baby Talk, a sitcom based on the movie Look Who's Talking (1989).   Julia Duffy played Maggie Campbell, a single mom with a talking baby, and Clooney played Joe, incongruously a construction-worker boyfriend.  Tony Danza provided the baby's voice.  With canny placement between Who's the Boss and Roseanne, it was a modest success.  However, the network suits felt that Duffy and Clooney weren't clicking in the role, so after 11 episodes they were replaced with Mary Page Keller and Scott Baio.

Clooney was not a big star: he was 29 years old, still struggling with walk-on jobs, recurring roles on The Facts of Life and Roseanne, and studying at the Beverly Hills Playhouse.  Nor did we think of him as particularly hunky.  He had big 80s hair, no physique, and no basket.  He played what we called a "goofball," a quirky, nerdy type.

I knew he was a newlywed: his wife Talia was also making the rounds of guest-spots and recurring roles.  But he was definitely a man's man, always hanging out with Tony Danza, going out for drinks with the guys in the crew.  Everyone thought that was further proof of his heterosexuality, but it made my gaydar go off.  Tony Danza had a lot of gay rumors at the time, too, as you recall.  Could they be boyfriends?

I tried to invite myself along on one of their dates, but was unsuccessful.  So I decided that I had to catch them in the act.  Maybe they would invite me to join in...

My hopes were dashed when they had some kind of an argument or falling out and began ignoring each other.  That may be why Clooney wasn't invited back for the second season -- Danza had a lot of clout in Hollywood at the time.

Not to worry, Clooney soon found a new "boyfriend."   Erich Anderson, who played Rob in Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984) and had a recurring role as Billy Sidel on Thirtysomething (1990-91), had a guest spot in one episode ("The Fever," air date April 16, 1991).  He was in his 30s, very buffed, with black hair and a classic movie-star face.

They apparently hit it off.  Soon Erich was coming to the set every day to pick Clooney up.  One day he even showed up at breakfast -- surely they had spent the night.

I cozied up to Erich -- he was far more my type than Clooney anyway -- and soon landed a date with him.  Standard West Hollywood date -- dinner at the Cafe Etoile, cruising at Mickey's, back to his place for making out and oral.  Erich had a smooth hard chest, very hairy legs (a big turn on for me) and a thick Bratwurst, uncut.  I went down on him twice.

But when I asked about Clooney, he said "Oh, we've never done it.  He's straight, or maybe bi -- I didn't think it was polite to ask."

"Too bad.  I was fantacizing about 'sharing' him with you."

Erich and I only dated a couple of times, but stayed friends.  At one of his parties in the fall of 1990, I met former teen idol Peter Barton, and asked him out on a date.

It was Chinese take-out and a VHS movie, very low key, but I really liked Peter: thick hair, beautiful face, smooth hard chest, hairy legs, average size down there (but you never felt anything so hard in your throat, literally like an iron rod).  I asked him for a second date that weekend.

When he came to the studio to pick me up, Clooney was walking by, so I introduced them.

His jaw practically dropped to the floor.  He was totally thunderstruck by the 34-year old former teen idol.

"Um...we were going out to dinner," I said.  "Would you like to join us?"

I know, inviting someone else along on a second date -- crazy!  I could tell that Peter wasn't happy about it.  But I didn't care --  I was obsessed with finding out if Clooney was gay or bi.

We went to dinner at a place on Wilshire -- Clooney paid, Peter looked uncomfortable.  We both came out -- he was perfectly nonchalant about being with two gay guys, but said nothing about his own sexual orientation.  He didn't even mention his wife.

Finally I said "I guess we'll say goodnight, unless you want to go back to my apartment for a cup of coffee."

Peter glared at me.  Clooney said "Sure."

The moment we got inside the door, Clooney said "Gentlemen, I'm sure you know I love the ladies.  But I also love blow jobs, and it's hard to find a lady who will oblige.  I would be more than happy to have one or preferably both of you working on my dick at this moment."

Peter frowned and said "Leave me out of this.  I'll be in the bedroom when you're done with your trick."

I was tempted -- I reached down and groped Clooney -- not hard yet.  He unzipped and pulled it out.  I began working on it with my hand while staring at him, wondering if I should kiss him -- average length, thick around, starting to get aroused.  But I was feeling very guilty about inviting him home on my second date with Peter, so I said "Thanks, but not tonight," zipped him back up, pushed him out the door, and went into the bedroom to apologize.

Peter and I dated for the next two months.  I never interacted with Clooney again.

Wouldn't you be embarrassed if a guy rejected you after fondling your cock?

See also: Pedro's Hookup with Philip McKeon.

Gay Dating Stories with Tony Dow

When I lived in West Hollywood, everybody had a favorite celebrity dating story, told at parties and to impress first dates.   I often heard about current stars, like Rob Lowe, Matthew Broderick, Tom Cruise, Tony Danza, and Sylvester Stallone, and occasionally stars from previous generations, like Tony Curtis and Tommy Kirk.

But never anything about Tony Dow.

In retrospect, this seems strange. Tony Dow played Wally, Beaver's teenage brother in the iconic nuclear family sitcom Leave It to Beaver (1957-1963).  He was a gifted athlete who had no qualms about displaying his physique on camera.  He was the first crush of countless thousands of Baby Boomer boys, giving them their first inklings that same-sex desire and romance can exist.

He was very visible in the 1980s, playing a middle-aged Wally on a continuation of the series, The New Leave It to Beaver.  And he has remained visible since, playing endless parodies of Wally and the Beaver, acting, directing, writing, being interviewed, forging a new career as a sculptor.  He has remained a quiet, calm presence throughout our lives.

Sure, he is probably straight -- married from 1969 to the present, with no gay rumors to speak of (although the Bisexual Alliance has him on a list of 150 bisexual actors).   

But that never stopped guys from spinning a hookup story out of a chance meeting.  Why were they so reticent?

I shot out emails to all of my West Hollywood, San Francisco, and New York friends, asking if they or anybody they knew had a story about dating or hooking up with Tony Dow.  I got a few leads.

1. Rich Correll and Harold Lloyd Jr.  Will the Bondage Boy had a friend named Jason, who dated Rich Correll during the 1970s.

Born in 1948, so three years younger than Tony Dow, Correll played Beaver's best friend Richard on Leave It to Beaver.  They were best friends in real life, too. Later Rich became a writer and director, known for Hannah Montana, The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, and other Disney channel teencoms.

"Did Rich Correll ever date Tony Dow?" I asked via email.

"That story never came up, but Jason did tell me that Rich dated [silent film star] Harold Lloyd's son as a young teen.  He was an anal bottom and liked rough trade: he wanted Rich to beat and strangle him. Then one night he had a stroke, which he never recovered from.  That's why Rich refused to do S&M."

Harold Lloyd Jr., born in 1931, was indeed gay, and into rough trade.  The other details work out.  But this story didn't get me any closer to Tony Dow.



2. Tommy Rettig

Tom Rettig (back) was born in 1941 and  acted steadily through his childhood,notably in Lassie (1954-57).  He and Tony Dow became friends in the early 1960s, and starred together in Never Too Young (1965-66).

Tom and his wife Darlene were deeply involved in the youth counterculture: drugs, rock music, protest, free love. They were both bisexual, and often brought in third partners, both male and female.

 After a drug bust in 1976, the couple split up.  Tom became a motivational speaker and author.  He moved into the computer industry in the early 1980s, becoming a recognized expert in dBase and FoxPro. 

In 1989, he was living in Marina del Rey, near Venice Beach, where, according to my ex-boyfriend Troy in Upstate New York, he met the 25-year old Maury, the ex-boyfriend of the Satyr.   Maury had never heard of him, and didn't want to hear about Lassie, which Tom found refreshing.   They dated for about three months: Tom was an oral bottom and very affectionate in bed, but Maury couldn't handle his attraction to men and women both.

"Well, did Tom Rettig hookup with Tony Dow when they were teenagers?  Some youthful experimentation on Tony's part?"

"I don't know -- the Satyr never mentioned that.  And he's gone now, so there's no way to ask.  I don't remember Maury's last name."

There's a post on Tommy Rettig on Boomer Beefcake and Bonding.

3. Christian Osmond

On The New Leave It to Beaver (1983-1989), many of the original cast members reprised their roles.  Ken Osmond returned as the officious Eddie Haskell, his sons played by his real-life sons, Eric (born 1971) and Christian (born 1974).  Christian appeared in only 10 episodes; he decided that he didn't like acting, and trained to become a veterinarian ("Dogs treat you better than most people.")

Infinite Chazz's friend Riley met him in 2004, when he brought his dog in for vaccinations.  Christian was very buffed, with short blond hair, a short beard, a gleaming smooth chest, and an enormous Kielbasa.

At first Riley thought he was related to Donny and Marie Osmond, but soon he heard about The New Leave it to Beaver.  During dinner, Christian told him about growing up gay in the household of conservative actor-turned-cop Ken Osmond.

"Did Christian mention Tony Dow?" I asked.  "Cruising guys, bringing a boyfriend to the set, helping him come out, anything?" 

"Nothing that I remember," Infinite Chazz replied. 

4. The Physique Photographer

Many people don't realize that Leave It to Beaver was not a big hit during its first run -- kids liked it, but adults regularly switched the channel to Perry Mason or a Western.  And since Tony Dow was under 18 for all but the last few episodes, his paycheck went directly to his parents. 

He spent the years 1963-1965 scrounging around for guest spots on second-rate tv shows, always broke, with debts mounting.

Glenn Corbett, the bisexual actor who would soon star in Route 66 , made extra money posing for physique magazines -- displaying muscular guys, naked except for posing straps, for a closeted gay audience. 

He gave Tony the telephone number of a photographer named Jim, one of Randall the Muscle Bear's friends, who ran a magazine called Tomorrow's Man.  One afternoon Tony went up for a shoot under the name "Tony Williams," flexing by the pool in a small posing strap.

Unfortunately, Tomorrow's Man ceased publication before the photos could be published, and they were subsequently stolen by one of Jim's tricks.  Chances are they are still lying in a dresser drawer in a house in West Hollywood, waiting to be discovered and posted on the internet.

"But was there a hookup?  With Glenn Corbett, or with Jim the Photographer?"

"Jim didn't say whether they hooked up or not," Randall replied.  "It wasn't a celebrity dating story, it was a 'don't trust a trick' story."

There are no more leads.  No one, it seems, has dated Tony Dow, or fantasized a chance encounter into a story to tell at parties.

Gay celebrity dating stories aren't just gossip.  They reveal something insightful about the speaker -- the romance or sexual encounter helped him to come out, to understand himself and his place in the world.

Maybe there are no stories about dating Tony Dow because he helped guys understand themselves in other ways , by playing Wally Cleaver, by displaying his 1960s physique, by being a quiet, calm presence throughout our lives.

See also: Who Is Tony Dow's Boyfriend

As of July 27th, 2022, the 77-year old Tony is in hospice care, 

My Celebrity Boyfriend and I Hook Up With....

West Hollywood, February 1987

Valentine's Day

I've been dating the Celebrity, a former teen idol (he's still closeted, over 30 years later, so I promised not to reveal his name), for a little over a month, and he's met almost all of my West Hollywood friends: Alan, Raul, Marcus, Michael, Mitch, Thanh. But I've never met any of his.

Dating a celebrity, I naturally expected to do some "sharing" with his celebrity friends.  John Travolta, or Rob Lowe, or Ralph Macchio.... 

But he doesn't even introduce me to anyone.

Maybe tonight will be different.  "I'm going to go all out," the Celebrity promises.  "This will be the most memorable Valentine's Day of your life."

Wow!  What's memorable to someone who starred in his own tv show?


200 doves flying out of a cake?

A charter jet taking us down to Tijuana for dinner?

Scott Baio naked in his bed?

Breathless with anticipation, I arrive at his house at 6:00 pm

There's a note on the door: "Door's open.  Follow the trail."

I go in.  There's a trail of paper hearts across the living room and dining room and down the hall.

The dogs, Rory and Max, are whining at the back door.  I assume they've just finished a potty break.  So I let them in.

"No, they have to stay outside!" the Celebrity yells in the distance.

Too late.  They scamper across the house, me following, to the spare bedroom, where the Celebrity is lying naked on a heart-shaped rug.   His penis and testicles are pushing through a hole in a Valentine's Candy Box.  He's desperately yelling "Sit!  Sit!" and grabbing up the candy before Rory and Max eat it.

 "Um...hi...this didn't turn out to be as sexy as I thought."

The candy put away, he removes the box.  The dogs sit.  I kneel and pet them.

"No, it's great.  Really creative."  I lie beside him, and we kiss.

He springs to life.  I go down on him.

No offense -- it's very nice, average sized, beautifully shaped, cut, ruddy.

 But in the last month I've gone down on him about 30 times.  Ok, now 31 times.  I was hoping for something...or someone...a little different.

We move into 69 position.  Rory and Max whine.  "Out!" he commands.

When we've finished, we order Chinese food and watch tv.

"Sorry the Valentine's surprise was a bust," the Celebrity says.  "Let's do something else tomorrow night, to make up for it.  Anything you want."

"Well, to be honest...have you heard about the West Hollywood 'sharing' thing?  Where couples bring in a third, one of their friends?"

He grins.  "Sure.  I didn't think you were into that."

"I haven't really done it before, but I'd love to give it a try.  If you...you know, are into it."

"Sounds hot!  I'm turned on already."  He kisses me.  "You just sit back and let me make all the arrangements.  I'll take care of everything!"

I move my hand to his crotch.  He springs to life again.

32 times.

I spend the next day bubbling with excitement.  What famous face and physique will I be "sharing" tonight?  Tony Danza? Mr. T from The A-Team?  Scott Baio?

I knock on the door at 6:00 pm.  The Celebrity answers, and draws me into a kiss.

"Did you...."

"Get you a Valentine's present? Absolutely.  Up-to-date model, with lots of new features."

"You got me a new tv?" I joke.

"No, it's way bigger than a tv set."


"Um... jet skis?"

"No, but I'll give you a hint -- it has a retractable hose."

"Curioser and curioser."

"Shall we go check it out?"

He takes me by the arm and leads me to the bedroom.

My mind is racing.  Paul Michael Glaser?  Leif Garrett?  Ted Danson?

He opens the bedroom door.

Can you guess who we "shared"?

Answer after the break.

My Hookup with Robert Redford

West Hollywood, February 1986

One Sunday after church, my ex boyfriend Alan, the Pentecostal Porn Star, appears at my table at the French Quarter. "Are you doing anything Tuesday night?"

"The usual -- gym, Chinese food, and Who's the Boss.  Why?"

"Well, put Tony Danza on hold.  We're going to Mann's Chinese for the premiere of The Hitcher.  A guy I met at the gym has a part in it, and he invited us."

"Um...thanks, but no thanks."

"Why?  What's wrong with The Hitcher?"

I listed the reasons.

1. We have only been broken up for a little over a month, and I'm not totally comfortable with your  "cruising together" thing.

2. I don't go to many movies, maybe five per year.  There are no theaters in West Hollywood, so you have to go into hetero-territory, put up with heterosexual couples, or worse, groups of hetero boys who sit with one seat between them so their bodies won't touch; plus heterosexist plotlines and endless homophobic jibes.

3. The Hitcher?  The previews look horrible.  Bloody, violent, sadistic movie about a young man who picks up a hitcher who frames him for murder.  I only go to comedies starring cute guys, or any movie where you see a guy's cock or butt.

"Would it sweeten the deal if I told you we will be sharing Robert Redford?"

"Um...what?  Robert Redford, the movie star?"

"Jon said that Redford is like his best friend, and wants to share, but only if I bring a friend of my own along.  I figured, with you being a big celebrity groupie, you'd jump at the chance."

True.   Tall redheads aren't really my thing -- I like my men short and dark-skinned -- but Redford is certainly famous, with lots of Oscars and Golden Globes and at least two gay-subtext movies (The Sting and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid).  

Sharing Redford would certainly make a better party story than lunch with Michael J. Fox or brushing against the knee of the King of Sweden.

But...'Wait...sharing on your first date?  That's a little weird, isn't it?  Maybe he's just dangling Robert Redford in front of your nose like a carrot, just to get into your pants."

"Maybe," Alan admits.

"And why does he even want this four way on a first date?"

"He actually just wanted me and Redford, but it's dangerous going home with two guys you don't know.  They could be bashers.  But two guys going home with two guys evens out the situation.  It's not a trick, it's a party!"

"Well...."  Even if the Redford thing is a hoax, movie premieres have premiere parties, with cruising gay and closeted celebrities.   And I'll be sharing with Alan -- even though we've broken up, I really miss sex with him. He's very energetic, very passionate, and super-hung.  "Sure.  Sounds like fun."

The Premiere

Jon is in his late 20s or early 30s, a little shorter than me, with dark curly hair, a square jaw, and a firm but not muscular physique.  I can't see a bulge.

Turns out that he's from Indiana, like my parents; he majored in theology at Butler University in Indianapolis, then moved to Los Angeles, where he's been on Black Sheep Squadron, Hart to Hart, Baretta, and a lot of other tv series I never saw.  He was on the series finale of MASH. 

"So that's what got Alan interested!" I exclaim.  "He'd go out with anybody who was on MASH, or who could sing the theme song, or who has seen an episode."

Jon doesn't get the joke.  "No, what attracted Alan was that we're both recovering fundamentalists.  I can quote chapter and verse of Galatians in the original Koine Greek."

"I'm more into French, myself," I say flirtatiously.  "So, what's Robert Redford into?"

"He's into everything but bottoming. But very closeted.  I don't think he's ever had a boyfriend.  He only goes with guys when I invite them over to share."

"So...where is he?" Alan asks.

"He couldn't make the premiere, but we'll meet up later."

The movie is awful -- it literally makes me sick, both from the gore and from the heterosexist myth that all men hate each other: every man the protagonist encounters is evil, belligerent, or bullying, while every woman is kind, sympathetic, and loving.  Jon's character is on-screen for about two seconds. 

 I pass the time by fondling Jon's knee and imagining going down on him while Alan goes down on Robert Redford.  Or going down on Robert Redford while Jon goes down on Alan.  Or....

The Restaurant

After the premiere, I thought we'd go to the after-party, to hobnob with the star, C. Thomas Howell, and maybe get his phone number -- he's gay, right?

Instead, Jon drives us to a restaurant -- and not even a nice restaurant.  Mel's Drive In on Sunset, a faux greasy spoon probably named after Mel's Diner on Alice.  Not at all the sort of place a big star would hang out.

Not at all the sort of place three gay men would hang out, either.  Wall-to-wall hetero couples!

"Where is Redford?" Jon asks.  "He said he would meet us here at 11:00."

We order hamburgers and french fries, chat in that closeted way that gay men do when they infiltrate the straight world, and keep looking at the door.

"That flighty queen!  I'll bet he forgot!"

It's midnight.  I have to be up at 6:00 am tomorrow.  And I have the distinct impression that Jon is putting us on about the Redford thing.

"Let's just give him a miss and go back to Alan's apartment," I suggest.  "We can share another time."

"Fine with me," Alan says.

"No, this is ridiculous!" Jon exclaims. "He does this all the time.  I set us up with a hot guy, and he bails at the last minute.  His ex-wife calls, or he sees someone he knows on the street, or who knows what.  I say we drive out to his house, bring the party to him!"

Malibu

Redford has a beach house out in Malibu, a good half-hour drive away.  Granted, it's a nice house, from what little we can see in the dark.

Jon buzzes.  No answer.

He buzzes again.  No answer.

"I know he's in there!"

On the third try,  we hear a sleepy voice..  "Yeah?"

"It's Jon.  I have Alan and Boomer with me."

"Oh, shit, was that tonight?  Hang on."  He buzzes us through the gate, and a moment later opens the front door.

Robert Redford, a little scraggly looking, in a bathrobe, hugs Jon and shakes our hands.  "Sorry, guys, I forgot all about dinner...and I'm really not up for entertaining right now.  I was in bed."

"Well, can we at least spend the night?" Jon asks.  "Maybe you'll be up for it in the morning."

"Sure, come on in."  Redford and his dogs lead us through the living room and down a corridor.  "You can have this room and the one across the hall.  You can split it up amongst yourselves.  If you need anything, tough, I'm going to bed."

We all pick the same room, of course.  Jon has a hairy chest and an average-sized penis.  I go down on him for a few minutes, as a courtesy, but spend most of my time going down on Alan, while he and Jon are kissing.  Then Jon goes down on me, but not long enough for me to finish.  Alan spurts, but Jon does not.   They fall asleep in each other's arms.

The Hookup

Wide awake, horny, I get up to try to find the bathroom.  One of Redford's dogs approaches.

"You know where the bathroom is?" I ask.

He turns and leads me back to the master bedroom.

Redford is lying on the bed, in his bathrobe, reading a magazine.

"Oh, sorry.  I thought he was leading me to the bathroom."

"It's back that way," he says, pointing toward his left.  "And after you're done, you might as well take care of this for me."

"Um..."

Suddenly I don't have to go to the bathroom anymore.  I climb onto the bed, undo Redford's bathrobe, and find an uncut, soft cock, about 4".  It gets bigger as I touch and fondle it.  By the time I go down on him, Redford is a thick 7."  As I bob up and down, it gets even longer, and harder.

He keeps up a nonstop dialogue.  "That's it...more tongue action. Yeah...yeah...I'm coming...."

I swallow his load, go into the bathroom to wash over -- and urinate -- then return to the bed for cuddling.

But Redford says "I'm a little tired -- don't you think you should be back in your own bed?"

I return to my own bed, where Alan and Jon are snoring, and squeeze in to Jon's side.

In the morning we get up early "to miss the traffic," and leave without waking Redford.

The Fabrication

Some of this story is pure fabrication -- I made it up.  Can you figure out which parts are real and which are not?

1. The Premiere
2. The Restaurant
3. Malibu
4. The Hookup

Answer after the break