Thursday, February 22, 2018

The Bear Party on the Prairie

In West Hollywood, I went to bear parties in the Hollywood Hills with fifty guys.

In New York, there were gay male nudist parties on Long Island with thirty or more guys.

Even in Dayton, someone put a lot of mattresses on the floor in his basement and held weekly M4M parties, with at least twenty guys.

Why should the Prairie be any different?

I kept a lookout for parties for months.  There was one advertised about 60 miles away, but it specified that "a fag" would be in attendance to service all the "studs."  No way was I going to a party hosted by someone so horrifyingly homophobic!

Another was about 160 miles away, a little far to drive to see guys naked.

So Troy and I decided to host our own.

Party #1

We turned the study into a dark room by nailing a blanket over the window, dragged all of the chairs in the house into the living room, put two mattresses on the floor in the bedroom, bought porn to put on the tv, made punch and lots of snacks, and printed out signs with hot guys on them.

I put ads up on craigslist and Men4SexNow, and planned a guest list of  25, making sure to have a variety of ages and body builds.

Then the questions started.  Weird, crazy, wacko, crazy questions.

"How many guys will be there?  Can I get their photos?"

"How many tops?"

"How many young tops?"

"How many muscular young tops?"

"How many muscular young hung tops?"

Come on, it's not West Hollywood!  What do you think the average guy looks like?

Which is fine with me, but if you're only into porn stars, a sex party might not be the place for you.

And by the way, everyone who specified a preferred sexual position was a bottom.  Everyone.

Results: RSVP list of 26, 10 guys showed up, including three young, muscular guys who had Attitude and wouldn't allow any else to get with them.  They didn't get invited back.

Party #2

We skipped the dark room and the clever signs, dragged some chairs into the living room, bought sodas and a bag of chips, put the same porn on the tv, and put up more ads.

More emails with questions about "how many young, muscular, hung tops?", plus a variety of other weird, crazy, wacko, and offensive questions:

"Is it discrete?  I don't want my boss to find out."

"How can I be sure that you're not sending me on a wild goose chase to retaliate against someone who rejected you?"

"Can you guarantee that the party won't be all black guys?"

"Can you guarantee that there won't be any old, fat guys?"

"Will there be any women there?"

"Can I wear my pretty pink panties?"

And, again and again, "What are your stats?  Are you a young, muscular, hung top?  Can I get a pic?"

Um...I'm the host.  I'm busy answering the door, checking clothes, making sure everybody has a good time.  I don't even take my clothes off.

Results: Another RSVP list of 26, but only 6 guys showed up, and three of them wouldn't even take off their clothes.

Party #3

We moved a couple of chairs into the living room, put out a few cans of soda, and put Absolutely Fabulous on tv.

I put up more ads with a detailed description of what to expect, plus provisos like "no attitude" and "you will be surrounded by guys of all sizes and shapes, so if you're extremely picky, this isn't the place for you."

More emails:

"How many hot, young, muscular, hung guys will be there?"


RSVP list of 16, 3 guys showed up.  One was fat, one old, one black  (not that these categories are mutually exclusive).  We watched Absolutely Fabulous.  After an hour, it was obvious that no one else was coming, so the five of us went into the bedroom, took off our clothes, and went at it.

Best M4M party ever.

1 comment:

  1. But you know? It's a cultural thing. "Boomer has naked orgies" can get around. (I mean, Indians integrated gay acceptance into our nationalism, we've been doing that game where the South Dakota legislature passes anti-LGBT laws and we make sure we're an exception, and our gay events are STILL PG affairs you can take the kids to.)

    The "no blacks, olds, or fats" are people you'd find anywhere. Assholes may be more common than hydrogen atoms in this universe.



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