Sunday, July 31, 2016

15 Boy Toys, Hustlers, and Boyfriends for Pay

We like to think that our boyfriends and partners are some mystical predestined soulmates, but in fact we often select them based on some quite mercenary factors:
1. Does he live far away?
2. Does he have nice roommates?
3. Will he be a a social asset, getting me noticed by the right people, invited to the right parties, invited to "share" by the A-list of the gay community?

Even: does he have money?  You can be persuaded to accept a mediocre physique, annoying personality, and inadequate penis if it means spending the night on sheets with a 1200 thread count and getting expensive presents when it's not your birthday.

The mercenary factors are most evident with three types of relationships:

Hustler: He's on the clock.

Boyfriend for Pay: Not literally, but if the gifts dry up, he'll likely head for the door.  He's not a hustler, but he sure ain't free.

Boy Toy:  He's with you mainly for the free dinners and late-model car, and you're with him mainly for the social status his hotness brings, but you like each other for other things, too.

During my 20s and 30s, I was never a Hustler, a Boyfriend for Pay, or even a Boy Toy.  But I met a few:

West Hollywood

1. The Kept Boy, aka Zack, who ordered a Flying Grasshopper at Mugi one night, got completely smashed, and tried unsuccessfully to have a three-way with us before we took him back to his wealthy boyfriend.  Definitely a Boyfriend for Pay

2. Scott, the Cute Young Thing who came to my Celebrity Boyfriend's post-Oscar party with a famous director, and nonchalantly cleared the dessert plates while naked. Boyfriend for Pay.

3. Benny from Basgo's.  He was a regular at Basgo's, the Hispanic bar, who made his living picking up bi-curious and downlow men, one or two per night, but went home with open gay guys for free.  Hustler.

4. Danny the Trophy Boy, who Lane dated before me: 19 years old, stunningly attractive, didn't do anything all day except watch Duck Tales, hang out with his friends, and buy clothes (55 shirts, 21 pairs of shoes, and 32 belts). Boy Toy.

Castro Street

5. The Nephew.  There were a lot of older, closeted gay men in San Francisco, who were afraid to come out, even in a gay neighborhood.  The elderly guy getting drunk on martinis at Twin Peaks introduced his companion du jour as his "nephew," even though they were groping and kissing each other.  Boyfriend for Pay

East Village

. Claude, the super-hung English boy who was living in Ravi's gigantic house on Long Island, and hosted sex parties but wasn't allowed to do anything himself. Boy Toy

7. Barry the Colonial Williamsburg boy spent time in West Hollywood, working as a Hustler before an encounter with a Boyfriend for Pay convinced him to give up the life.  Hustler.

8.My roommate Edward, an older, rather fey art appraiser, had a "secretary" named Andrew Marvel (look it up).  The boy didn't have much to say, but then nobody wanted him for his sparkling conversation. Or his secretarial skills. Boyfriend for Pay. 


By the time I got to Florida, I was 40 years old, a twink magnet, with a car and a house (actually sharing Barney's house), old and well-off enough to attract Boy Toys of my own.  But I found very few.  Most guys either paid for the date or insisted on paying for their half.  The Young Republican had more money than me.

9. Darvon from Keokuk, who used the stereotype of a Midwestern farmboy (and the term Keokuk rhymes with) to draw clients.  Hustler.

10. Victor the Gym Rat, who "shared" us with his sleazoid Daddy.  Boy Toy

11. Yuri!  He had a Ph.D. in Atmospheric Science and spoke five languages, but the college adminstrator who started dressing him in $500 Gucci shirts didn't seem to notice. Boy Toy.


Boy Toy relationships are rare in the Straight World: they can't increase your social standing among heterosexuals, who generally think of all gay relationships as inferior to their own.  Besides, they rarely notice, assuming that older-younger pairs must be father and son.


12. The Satyr, about 60, fat, with the biggest Kovbasa++++ I have ever seen.  His housemate was a young, slim Asian guy who did the cooking and cleaning.  I was pretty sure that he was a Boy Toy.

13. Troy, my boyfriend for five years.  He wasn't really a Boy Toy, but he was extraordinarily cute, and didn't have a job for the first two years we were together.  I was paying for his rent, utilities, food, gas, and just about everything else, so all of our friends just assumed....


14. Jimmy the Boy Toy.  My Platonic friends were in their 50s, and their "housemate" Jimmy had a beautiful face and a gigantic Mortadella+.  They enjoyed sporting him around the gay community, even though they weren't actually having sex.

15. Jameer.  He was in his late 20s, some 20 years younger than me, but when we started dating, he insisted on paying for everything and giving me expensive gifts: "I want my man to look good."  I think I was the Boy Toy!

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