50 States, 50 Naked Men, Part 1

I've been to 48 of the 50 U.S. states, and met men in most of them.  Here are my favorite naked men in each state (guys I've seen naked, not including locker rooms, bathhouses, bear parties, and boyfriends).  They have to actually be living in the state, not tourists, and it can't be in a city I was actually living in.

Midwest

 1. Illinois.  Tough call, since I grew up in Rock Island and went to college there.  But I'm going to go with Dylan, the 28-year old retro twink met in 2015.  He acted like it was still 1985.

2.  Indiana.  Another tough call: visits to relatives twice a year, graduate school at Indiana University, visiting my parents in Indianapolis.  I'm going to go with Tyler, the "son" of my first boyfriend Fred, who I met in 2012.  He was actually the son of Fred's housemate, but I still got a weird family vibe.

3. Iowa.  Davenport, Iowa was right across the river from Rock Island.  Plus I've been to Des Moines several times.  But my favorite hookup was with a 48-hour long date with Sammy, the son of my old speech teacher Mr. Blowfish, a Swedish-Vietnamese art history professor who took me on a 36 hour date in Cornell, Iowa.

4. Michigan.  In 1971, we visited my Indian relatives in Dowagiac, Michigan, and I played a bondage - penis grabbing game with my older cousin Javon.  Huge!

5. Minnesota.  At a conference in St. Peter, Minnesota, I picked up a Vietnamese undergrad at an art gallery, but ended up on a date with his gym rat cousin.

6. Nebraska.  In 1980 my boyfriend Fred and I moved to Omaha for a terrible month.  He brought home Mike, a teenager from his youth group at church, for my first three-way.  Years later I tried to find Mike again.  He had died, but I found out from his nephew that he kept a picture from that night all his life.

7. Ohio.  Three years in Dayton, plus many visits to Cleveland on the way from Upstate to Indianapolis, stopping at the Flex Club on the way.  One year Troy and I hooked up with the Shy Boy who Wouldn't Leave My Room.

8. Wisconsin.  We lived in Racine, Wisconsin from Kindergarten through second grade, but of course I was too young for sausage sightings.   I didn't meet anyone in Wisconsin until January 2014, when I went to Milwaukee for a post-Christmas vacation, and picked up Superman.









Northeast

9. Connecticut.  When I was living on Long Island, my first year in grad school, I went out on a date with a guy who lived in Greenwich, Connecticut, three hours away by train.  I spent the night, and the next day he gave me the wrong directions, so I had to spend 2 hours standing on a train platform.

10. Maine.  In 2010, my boyfriend Troy and I went to the gay resort town of Ogunquit, Maine.  I don't care much for resorts, but we did manage to pick up a guy on the beach.  He was black, and into BDSM, both rarities in Maine.

11. Massachusetts.  No question: Jermaine, the Biggest Guy on my Sausage List.

12. New Hampshire.  Drove through, but didn't stop.

13. Rhode Island.  In 2000, Yuri and I visited my friend Zack, who was studying at the Rhode Island School of Design.

14. Vermont. On the way back from Maine in 2010, Troy and I stayed overnight in Burlington, Vermont, and hooked up with an undergrad French major at Middlebury College.




Middle Atlantic States

15. Delaware.  I've only been here once, when Jermaine, the Biggest Guy on My Sausage List, took me to Bowers Beach for his uncle's 50th birthday party.  No bedroom activity except with Jermaine, but I did see Uncle Titus naked.

16. Maryland.  November 2016: Three guys in my bed in Baltimore, each more hung than the last.

17. New Jersey.  When I lived in New York, one night I broke every rule of gay cruising and ended up in the house of a cute Hispanic guy, with his parents in the next room, somewhere in New Jersey.

18. New York,  Four years in New York City, three years Upstate.  I can't decide.

19. Pennsylvania.  During my year in Philadelphia, I had an election-night hookup with Oscar the Grouch, aka Oscar the Irish bodybuilder, and his American boy toy.

20. Washington DC.  Visited several times, hooked up with several guy, but my favorite was probably the "straight" jock with the bulge who I brought back to the apartment as a "gift" for Alan and his partner Sandy.









Southeast

21. Florida.  I lived in Wilton Manors for 4 years, but my most memorable hookup was probably when David and I drove down to Key West, and picked up the hitchhiker.

22. Georgia.  When Lane and I were living in West Hollywood, we flew to Atlanta for some reason -- I don't remember why -- and hooked up with a Georgia boy.

23. North Carolina.  One year Alan and his partner Sandy took me to a gay resort on the coast of North Carolina.

24. South Carolina.  When I visited my Cousin George in South Carolina in 1971, we took baths together and slept naked ("only fools wear pajamas").  When I reunited with him in 2005, I discovered that he insisted on the baths and sleeping naked so he could get a sausage sighting.

25. Virginia.  When I visited Alan and Sandy in Norfolk, they were monogamous, but provided me with a "substitute" named Tarik.

26. West Virginia.  Drove through, but didn't stop.

Next: the South, the Mountain States, and the West, in Part Two.

Finding Small Town Gay Men on Grindr

Middle America, September 2016

In the book Familiar Faces, Hidden Lives: The Story of Homosexual Men in America Today (1976), Howard Brown expresses horror over a gay friend's decision to move away from Baltimore to a small town: "How could a 35 year old, well-educated [gay man] put himself in such a position?  Didn't he know that he was choosing a life that would afford no chance of love?"

 In the 1980s and 1990s,  the moment you figured out that you were gay, you made plans to move to a big city. Small towns and even medium-sized cities were sites of lies, secrets, and silence, where gay people were assumed not to exist, and probably didn't.

There might be one or two gay people left in Crawfordsville, Indiana, or Danville, Illinois.  They were deeply closeted, living in constant fear, isolated, lonely, desperate.

Yesterday I was traveling with my brother and sister-in-law on I-74 through the desolate nowheres of Indiana and Illinois, past Crawfordsville and Danville, Veedersburg and Westville, Mahomet and Farmer City and Leroy.  I turned on Grindr, and watched the names and faces come and go, and listened the voices of gay men.  Were they still isolated, lonely, desperate?

Here are 14 of their profiles, edited slightly for narrative flow.  Decide for yourself.

[The photos are not from Grindr, which doesn't allow nudity]

1. Gaymer.  Weirdo book lover.  I don't drive.  Sometimes mean, sometimes boring, but if I'm on here, I'm horny, so send some dicks.

2. Mystic.  Running, animals, anime, gaming, having fun, stargazing. Passing time on Earth, making friends along the way.  I'm an old soul in a modern age, dreaming of things that might never be.  8 inches.  Hookups ok.

3. Tonka.  Like the toy trucks, I have big wheels.  Other things are big, too.  I try to laugh at whatever life brings: conversation, cuddling, dicks.  Can host.  Hablo Espanol.

4. Funfun.  Living life at level 10.  Hit me up for a night of Netflix and pizza. If you have holes in your ears big enough to see through, no thanks.  No one over 26.
















5. Another Reject.  Bottom if you want to know.  High school senior, as lonely as all of you here.  I'm awkward, so good luck.  No, the girl I'm with is not my girlfriend, and it's not my prom.  Looking for a boyfriend.  Let's get coffee and see where it goes.

6. Speed Racer.. I work for a company that sanctions races all over the country.  I also announce races all over the Midwest.  Masculine, laid back, looking for younger, well hung a plus.  Blonds go to the front of the line.

7. Potato Pancakes.  Virgin, never did this before.  I may not be gorgeous, but I'm still a catch.  I cook, sew, sing, garden, can my own spaghetti sauce.  Oral and anal bottom.

8. Jelly.  Age 21.  We all have the time. Reading, jazz, retro porn, Pokemon Go.  I am a summer looking for a winter.













9. Paratrooper Comedian.  Uptight high strung goofy 420 friendly with a glock.  My Mamma left me, my Daddy left me, I'm lazy and not goodlooking but I'm full of laughter and heart.  Baby, ring my bell.

10. Dick Wolf.  Sup, Boners?  I call my bedroom Margaritaville because I'm wasting away in it.  Come and see my band and punch me in the throat and make out with me on stage.  We can go on a cuddling date later.

11. Zoom Zoom. I'm me.  Sarcasm, art, music, motorcycles, cooking, sake with Red Bull.  Nothing upsets me.  Black Buddhist bottom.  The bigger you are, the better.  Want a blow job?

12. Open Minded.  Up for anything -- you tell me.  No bi, married, trans, closeted, femmes, fats, Blacks, piercings, druggies, losers, weirdos, gang bangers, unemployed, or old dudes.  Sorry, no offense, it's just not my thing.












13. Nerd.  Loves books,movies, video games, all physical activity.  Quirkily cute. Fuzzy bottom.  Cannibal chaser.   Poet and philosopher.  If you're closeted, I'm not interested.  Please don't contact me if you don't want to hang out and get to know me.

14. Enigma.  Adult male primate. Intellectual gym rat nudist with a screw loose and a campy sense of humor.  Also a cock as big as Mount Everest. Why can't orphans play baseball?  Because they have no home.  I have a home.  It could be yours, too, if you play your cards right.