A Gay Romance on "Barnaby Jones"

Rock Island, October 27, 1977

The cold, windy Thursday night four days before Halloween, during my senior year at Rocky High.

The family has gathered in front of the tv set, as usual: the tv is on every night from dinnertime to bedtime, a backdrop to all of our other activities.

7:00: Welcome Back, Kotter.  I look up briefly to see Horshak (Ron Pallilo) explain, yet again, that his name means "The cattle are dying."

7:30: What's Happening!. I look up briefly to check out Haywood Nelson's butt and bulge.

At 8:00, my parents want to watch Barney Miller, but I'm anxious to see James at Fifteen, starring teen idol Lance Kerwin.  So I watch on my small portable set upstairs.

At 9:00, I turn off the tv and start doing homework.  A few moments later, my brother Ken comes clomping up the stairs.  "You'll never guess what they're watching down there!" he exclaims.  "Barnaby Jones!"

"You're kidding -- Jed Clampett as a private eye?"  The oldster detective is played by the star of the Beverly Hillbillies.

"And Catwoman is his secretary!"  Lee Meriwether, who plays Barnaby's daughter-in-law, was Catwoman on Batman.

"That's crazy.  Is their rival detective Scooby-Doo!"

Ken laughs.  "Don't take my word for it -- you have to watch to see how terrible it is."

"Old people tv!" I complain.  "No way!"  My friends would rib me unmercifully if they found out I had watched something as lame as Barnaby Jones!

Ignoring me, he flips the tv on, and clicks the dial to CBS.

No Jed Clampett, no Catwoman.  Two cute young guys, one in a muscle shirt that displays baseball-sized biceps, the other in skin-tight jeans that reveal an enormous bulge.  They are standing so close together that they seem about to kiss.

"You're the man for me!" Muscle Shirt says.

"Let's not get carried away!" Tight-Jeans protests.

"This looks good...I mean, awful."  I stammer.

Looking back, I'm surprised that I didn't "figure it out" moment.  But no, I absolutely did not connect I want to see those guys kiss!  with gay.

"What did I tell you?"  Ken flips the tv set off, flops down on his bed, and opens a math textbook.

The next week I pretend to be immersed in a book in order to watch Barnaby Jones with my parents.  Tight-Jeans is Mark Shera, playing Barnaby's nephew, a law school student.  But he definitely likes girls.

What about Muscle Shirt, with his baseball-sized biceps and the romantic plaint of "You're the man for me?"  He must have been a guest star.

Before the days of the internet, there is no way to track down the episode.  I'll have to wait for summer reruns.

But during the summer, I am working at the Carousel Snack Bar on Thursday nights.  The scene of gay romance is lost forever.

Until 2017, when I found a photo of the scene on ebay, which led to the entire episode on youtube: "Gang War," starring 31-year old Asher Brauner.  My memory changed the dialogue a bit: he's not in love with Mark Shera, he's about to kidnap him.

Asher Brauner has been in a few movies of gay interest: he  played "Buddy" in Alexander: the Other Side of Dawn (1977), about a teenage runaway who becomes a hustler, and "Ted," in the gay-themed Making Love.  

He played the hero in the Indiana Jones spoof Treasure of the Moon Goddess (1987), and a man-mountain who takes out entire countries in American Eagle (1989) and Merchants of War (1989).

And he was the hero of a gay romance that I misread 30 years ago on Barnaby Jones.

Nude Photos of Ewan McGregor

This post has been moved to Righteous Gemstones Beefcake and Boyfriends

My Boyfriend Ed Asner and I Make Gay History

Hi, Boomer,

I'm Michael, from the gay synagogue in L.A.  Here's my gay celebrity romance story:

The episode "My Brother's Keeper" of The Mary Tyler Moore Show  (January 13, 1973) is an icon of gay history, the first time that the word "gay" was ever used on the air to mean a gay person.

The plot  is simple: When her brother Ben (Robert Moore) visits, the snooty Phyllis (Cloris Leachman) tries to fix him up with Mary, but instead he hits it off with working-class Rhoda (Valerie Harper).  Phyllis is horrified at the idea of Rhoda as a sister-in-law, until Rhoda says that it won't work out: "He's not my type."

"Why not?" Phyllis asks.  "He's witty, he's attractive, he's successful..."

"He's gay."  90 seconds of uproarious laughter from the studio audience, Phyllis looks confused, then relieved.  And blackout.

The original script didn't have a big reveal: Rhoda and Ben just weren't going to date.  But why not?  Various ideas were bantered about: he was married, he was a priest -- but they all raised too many questions.   Why hadn't he told Phyllis?  Was his relationship with Rhoda cheating?  Finally someone suggested "He's gay."

There's a dispute over who made the suggestion.  Some say Robert Moore.   After all, he was gay in real life, and had directed the gay-themed Boys in the Band in 1968.

Some say writer Dick Clair.  He was gay in real life, too.

Some say Valerie Harper.

They're all wrong.  It was my idea.

I was still in high school, a tall, slim twink with a smooth chest and a big cock, a drama club geek, a good little Jewish boy, the class clown, and o-u-t, out!

Well, not at school -- I had a "girlfriend," who turned out to be a big ol' lesbian later on.

Out to my parents, who were sending me to a shrink to "cure" me but otherwise were relatively accepting for the 1970s.

Out to myself -- Gay Liberation, baby!

And of course, out to my boyfriend, Ed Asner.

Ed Asner, who played gruff boss Lou Grant on Mary Tyler Moore, was 40 years old, a former football star, a big, burly Daddy, with a hard hairy chest, thick biceps, and a thick monster cock!  A total top, which wasn't a problem -- I was only 17, but I had already been plowed by the best of them, including my dad's best friend (don't tell Dad).

Ed was married -- 13 years, three kids.  But it was a marriage full of temptations and recriminations, infidelities, separations, suppressed traumas, and screaming matches.  They were both seeing psychiatrists.

And when the heartache grew too much for him, he drove out to Van Nuys and picked me up.  We went out to dinner, we went to ballgames -- when a reporter turned up, he introduced me as his "nephew." We checked into a cheap hotel, where I started with my tongue on his chest and worked down to his cock and balls, until he groaned, turned me over on my stomach, and spent the next hour inside me. 

Don't you hate those jackrabbits -- three thrusts and a spurt?  Ed took his time.  Slow and methodical, thrusting over and over until it felt like he had always been inside me, like we were too halves of the same person.

Yeah, I was a little bit in love with him.

Ok, a lot in love with him.

My parents were fine with our relationship -- they didn't know that we were boyfriends, of course.  They thought that having a big, macho man around would be a good influence on me, that is, turn me straight.

So, getting back to the story:

One night we were at a burger place, and Ed told me that they were having problems with a script:

"This guy, Phyllis's brother, starts spending time with Rhoda, but he's not interested in her romantically.  Why not?  Just not having chemistry won't work -- there has to be a big reveal at the end."

"Seems obvious to me," I said.  "He's gay."

Ed looked around to see if anyone heard.  "Are you kidding?  You can't have a gay guy on tv.  The censors would be down our throat!"

"It's the 1970s -- just don't show him making out with a dude, and it will be fine.  They had a gay guy on All in the Family last year."

"But they didn't use the word 'gay.'  It's the word that will get people up in arms."

"They just have to get used to it.  Watch -- gay!"  I exclaimed.  People looked around.  "Gay!  Gay!"

"Shut up!"  Ed muttered.  "My nephew is quite the kidder!", he told the couple at the next table with a fake laugh.

"You ever hear of Gay Liberation?  We're coming out of the closet, baby!  Better to deal with it now than later, and better Mary Tyler Moore than The Partridge Family."  I grabbed his hand under the table.  He brushed me away.  "You could at least ask."

He shrugged.  "Ok, I'll ask, but I can't make any promises."

But everybody loved the idea of making Ben gay -- it was hip, it was edgy, it was "now." It went right into the script, and the rest is history.

Our relationship ended not with a bang, but a whimper: eventually Ed just stopped calling me -- I guess he decided to "work things out" with the wife.

But I'll always have great memories of my romance with a Hollywood legend.  And the knowledge that I was part of gay history.

Three Eddie Mekka Hookup Stories

In the 1970s I had a big crush on Carmine Ragusa on Laverne and Shirley (right): he was short, broad-chested, and beautiful. And gay-coded: Shirley's platonic pal, variously working as a singer, dancer, hustler, and boy toy.  Surely, I thought, actor Eddie Mekka was gay in real life.

When I moved to West Hollywood in 1985, I expected to meet Eddie, or at least see him at bars, the gay gym, and the various gay events, but he never showed up anywhere.

I expected to meet guys who had dated or tricked with him, but he's only appeared occasionally as an aside fleshing out a story about someone else:

In a story about Scott Baio:  his first sexual experience was with Eddie Mekka when they were both starring in Blansky's Beauties (1977)

In a story about Sylvester Stallone:  he got a blow job from Eddie Mekka on the set of Tango and Cash, with the homophobic Kurt Russell nearby (1989).

In a story about David Yost: he accepted a date with Eddie Mekka in the early 1990s, but backed out when he heard that Eddie was married.

Now, in 2017, I have a lot more friends and friends of friends with ties to Hollywood and Broadway, so I sent out email requests to everyone I could think of, and ended up with a few Mekka-centric stories.

1. Eddie, Cesar Romero, and Scott Baio

Fall 1980

During his years on Laverne and Shirley, Eddie Mekka stayed in the limelight by accepting all the celebrity guest shots his agent offered him: The Love Boat, Fantasy Island, Circus of the Stars, miscellaneous talk shows.  And he nurtured sexual relationships with older stars, who could ease his way once he stopped playing the Big Ragoo.  Like 1940s Latin lover and 1960s Batman villain Cesar Romero.  He didn't find the 73-year old attractive, but most likely he would just want to give Eddie a blow job -- no big deal!

He got Cesar's number from Penny Marshall (Laverne) and asked him out to lunch, with the implication that sex would follow, and then casting-couch favors.  But Cesar said "Can you arrange to bring along that little hottie from Happy Days?  The one with the package?"

"Ron Howard?  Sure...I mean, I can ask."

"No, that little Chachi [18-year old Scott Baio]."

Eddie blanched.  Scott was his first and only real boyfriend -- he preferred the ladies for romance -- and the breakup had not been pleasant.  But he agreed, and as it turned out, Scott was also touring the bedrooms of Hollywood's elder statesmen.

To his surprise, Cesar wanted more than oral -- the former heartthrob was Greek active, still able to get it up, and enormous.  He topped Scott, but Eddie refused, and had little to do but stand there naked, looking pretty.  No casting favors resulted.












2. Eddie and the "Weird Science" Guy

Fall 1995

Everybody in West Hollywood watched Weird Science (1994-98), the sitcom about two teenagers who build a virtual-reality girl.  It was quite heterosexist, but beefcake-heavy: the stars were both very muscular, and often half-naked.  Plus Michael Manasseri (left) was gay.

In the episode "Men in Tights," which aired on January 13th, 1996, a misfired spell transforms the boys into professional wrestlers, and have to fight a seasoned wrestler called Der Blitzkrieg.  Eddie Mekka played fight promoter Tommy Svachino.

Like many gay boys, Michael had a crush on Carmine Ragusa in the 1970s and 1980s. Nearly 20 years later, Eddie was balding and going a little to fat, but still hot.  Michael went out of his way to welcome the celebrity guest star, introducing him to his current boyfriend Tutor, bringing him a Danish, even bringing him a script change personally in his dressing room.

"Tutor seems nice," Eddie said.  "I don't know what gay guys look for in romance, but he looks like he's got it all."

"Same as straights, mostly." Michael said, casually stroking Eddie's shoulder.  "Someone with an interesting personality, a good heart, and a dazzling smile."

"Is that it?  What about a gigantic cock?" Eddie asked, cupping his own impressive basket.

"That's about something else altogether...."  Michael could take a hint.  He fondled Eddie's basket, then pulled out his cock -- 6.5", cut -- and went down on him.  Eddie closed his eyes and kept silent.

Michael worked for a long time, with few signals from Eddie.  He started alternating masturbating and sucking, then masturbating while darting his tongue around the head.  That got Eddie aroused -- after awhile he spurted wordlessly into Michael's face.

They didn't exchange phone numbers, and didn't see each other again.  Yes,  Michael and Tutor had an open relationship.


3. Eddie and the Hustler

Spring 2013

The homey small-town West Hollywood that Boomer knew is gone. Now it's all glitzy storefronts and partyboys in cages, out of towners driving in for a weekend of drinking, drugs, and sex.  Ghosts of long-dead or soon-to-be-dead partiers trudge along Santa Monica, begging for coke or cash or a blow job. Strangers are not your friends: they all carry guns.  Stay away from alleys,  Sunset Boulevard, and West Hollywood Park.

Winch came to Hollywood to be an actor five years ago.  In all those days and weeks and months, he had landed one modeling job.  He shared a terrible apartment with three other guys and their tricks du jour and spent his days at the gym, the bars, and the sex parties.  He kept up a steady supply of Coco Puffs, Ecstasy, and lube mostly through sex work: a cage boy at Mickey's; a stripper at gay parties; a hustler with discrete "generous" ads on craigslist.

One night an older guy answered his craigslist ad and promised to be "generous," so Winch invited him over.  He was in his 50s, short and rather chunky, with a flat face and gray frizzy hair.

"Yeah, you got me," he said.  "I'm the Big Ragoo."

Winch didn't know what that meant -- maybe this guy had been the mascot for Ragu Spaghetti Sauce in his past life -- but he buttered him up a bit.  "Oh,  I recognize you!  You were great back in the day!  What have you been doing lately?"

"Fiddler on the Roof  -- I play Tevye.  You know, 'Sunrise, sunset, swiftly flow the years'?  Oh, and I directed an episode of The Suite Life of Zack and Cody."

Winch had heard of that!  "Do you know Cole and Dylan?  Are they gay?"

The Big Ragoo grinned.  "Everybody's gay after they get a few beers in them."

Usually hustlers get blown, but the Big Ragoo wanted Winch to blow him.  About 7" and thick, but it took forever -- he had to masturbate while Winch licked his balls to finally finish.  Then he wiped off, paid, and left, and Winch got on his smartphone to try to find out who the heck the Big Ragoo was.










Are any of these stories true? 

That is, not an exaggeration or a pure fantasy?

Eddie has about the same physical traits and sexual interests in all three stories, but there's a problem with #1: I knew Cesar Romero in the 1980s, and he never mentioned sex with Eddie Mekka (although he did watch his friend Jason top Scott).  Plus he was only into oral.  Plus how was he going to help their careers?

#2 seems more likely, except that I've never heard any other dating/hookup stories about Michael Manasseri.

#3 seems the most realistic: Winch, who was born years after Laverne and Shirley, wouldn't catch the reference to the Big Ragoo.  A closeted actor may well seek out a hustler.  And it's more contemporary, not colored by nostalgia or faulty memory.

See also: Earle has public sex with Matt Dillon; Laverne and Shirley