Ten Guys I'd Definitely Kick Out of Bed

I never refuse an offer to go down on a friend or a friend's boyfriend, or to have him go down on me.  It's just basic courtesy, like a handshake in the straight world.  Who cares if he's not at all my type?  A penis is a penis.

When guys approach me at a bar or on Grindr, I'm a little picker, but still, I say "yes" to most requests for or hookups.  I figure, why not?  A penis is a penis.  Typically I'll refuse only if:

1. I've already had a hookup today.
2. I'm tired or not feeling well.
3. The request is sleazy or demanding.
4. The guy expects me to drive to Timbuktu.
5. He's impossibly ugly.

Here are ten guys who fall into Category #5.  If you like them, fine -- everybody is somebody's ideal.  But even if they were my best friend's new boyfriend, I'd be making an excuse and heading for the door.

All photos are taken from the tumblr site collegecocks, but don't let that dissuade you from visiting: most of the guys depicted are very attractive.

1.  Maybe if he showers, washes his hair, shaves, and comes down off whatever he's on.

2.  Whoever thought that sticking your tongue out was sexy?  Especially when you have dumb hair, a skinny, emaciated body, and multiple tattoos?

3.  A long, crazy beard combined with short hair!  It's like he's stuck halfway into his transformation into a Biblical patriarch.

4.  I'm attracted to guys in suits, but that's such a long, narrow weasel face, with thin, puckered lips and thin, delicate hands.  Nice cock, though.

5. Scary face, skinny pale body that has never seen the sun.

More after the break.




















6.  Not into chicks with dicks, sorry.

7. Why do guys pretend that they're dogs?  Not into bestiality, sorry.

8.  It's a good thing he started without me, because I'm not finishing it.

9. I could ignore the crazy hair and the unkept goatee, but the orange shirt with a black collar makes him look like a third grader.

10.  You've got to be kidding.  This is a Halloween mask, right?














After all that, you probably want a picture of a guy who is actually cute.