Sunday, August 30, 2015

12 Hookups and Dates that Sound Like the Plot of a Porn Movie


Every day we see, hear, and talk to friends, neighbors, coworkers, students, strangers -- and dozens of service people, the pharmacist, the plumber, the carpenter, the bus driver, the pizza delivery guy, the bookstore clerk.

99 out of 100 are female, ugly, straight, or taken, but even if you encounter that 1 in 100 that's male, cute, gay, and available, the interaction is so momentary that there's no time to determine if they're attracted to you, or just being friendly as a part of their job.

Even if you can establish a mutual interest, how do you arrange a date or a hookup with other customers waiting behind you and the boss keeping an eagle eye from a post nearby?  99 times out of 100, it's impossible, and you each go on to more accessible guys at the Rage or a M4M Party.

This is the stuff of porn movies, where the service guy is always muscular, gifted beneath the belt, and ready for action, in an empty store or on a service call with an empty schedule all afternoon.

I've only managed a few of these "porn movie" hookups or dates, where you approach the guy and make the connection while he is at work.

Here are the most interesting.


1. The Waiter.  In West Hollywood, you got cruised by waiters all the time.  They weren't serious.  When the waiter flirted with me at the French Quarter, I just laughed it off.  But the next day I saw him at the gym.

2. The Doctor.  In the 1980s, doctors were usually homophobic, so you always had to be careful that your doctor was gay or gay-friendly (you still do).  So when I got sick and needed a doctor right away, I stayed strictly closeted.  But he said "I can do a house call tomorrow, to see if you're feeling better..."







3. The Politician.  I'm not interested in politics, and I especially wasn't while living in San Francisco, with homophobic rhetoric spewing from every press conference.  But when I met a young city councilman., who also happened to be gay, I became interested.

4. The Fireman.  When I was living in graduate student housing in New York, my roommate left a pan of water on the stove all day.  I returned to find the kitchen on fire.  It was easily put out, but the fire department came anyway, and one of the fireman gave me his number.








5. The Chef.  During my summer in Paris, I went to Suam Thai almost every night.  One slow night the chef  -- who was not Thai -- invited me back into the kitchen to talk about something or another, and one thing led to another.....

6. The Pizza Delivery Guy.  Just after I got my Ph.D., I was visiting Rock Island, and cruised the pizza delivery guy.  I was leaving town the next day, but my friend Dick sealed the deal.  They've been together ever since.












7. The Hitchhiker.  When my friend David came to visit me in Florida, we drove out to Key West, and picked up a hitchhiker, a college student who was happy to share a bed with us.


8. The Actor.  You go to a play, your eyes meet, you go to their dressing room afterwards, and sparks fly.  Easier said than done: they can't see you in the darkened theater, they're busy concentrating on their performance, and it's hard to get backstage afterwards unless you already know them.  It's only happened to me once.

9. The Chinese Food Delivery Guy.  In Dayton.  Ok, I didn't hook up with him, but I got a date with his best friend

10. The Flight Attendant.  The flight was half full, I was sitting in the back row near the galley, and the attendant was bored.  We struck up a conversation, and when we were delayed too long for me to catch my connection, he offered to show me the sights of Boston.





11. The Water Delivery Guy.  Pete, who delivered bottled water to my apartment in Upstate New York.  One day I asked him to show me how to install the water bottles, one thing led to another, and we dated for about 3 weeks.

12. The Museum Guard.  While we were passing through Indianapolis on our way home from New York in 2015, we stopped to visit a museum where Ryan was a guard.  He came by our hotel later.


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