Rings and Tattoos and Other Disgusting Body Ornaments

My ideal type is short, dark-skinned, and chubby or muscular, with a round face, short hair, square hands and a big penis, but in a pinch I won't say no to tall, thin redheads with long faces and small dicks. 

I'm attracted to down-to-earth "regular guys," but I won't say no to an opera lover who belongs to a wine-tasting club.

But there are two ornaments that are deal breakers.

1. Rings (Ugh!)

I've always been disgusted by rings.  I could barely read The Hobbit, with Bilbo always putting that ring on.

A wedding ring, maybe, if the guy is perfect in every other way.  But I'd try to get him to take it off.

Any other rings just make the fingers look long and slender, a complete turnoff.

I dislike other jewelry, too, especially those weird plastic bracelets.  My mouth is going nowhere near that penis.

David on Schitt's Creek has four gigantic silver rings, more like tubes, which he wears in different configurations in every episode.  I can barely stand to look at him.

I don't have any photos of men wearing rings in my collection, since they're an immediate turn-off, and it took a long time to find proper examples.  Apparently most guys who wear rings mercifully keep them when it's time to take the photo.  I had to search on Google Images.

Holy Cow!  To think that this guy went out of his way to purchase three disgusting rings, and is actually wearing them.  He must be celibate, and trying to scare potential suitors away.  It's working!

2. Tattoos (Double Ugh!)

 I hate all types of body markings.  I won't get my hand stamped for re-entry into an event, and nobody better try to give me their phone number by writing it on my body!  I'll run away!  But the worst are tattoos, deliberately disfiguring yourself forever.

When I was young, only sailors had tattoos.  Now it seems that everyone under 30 has one.  I've learned to ignore them, if they're small and tasteful.

But not full blown body art that ruins the beauty of men's skin.

Especially tattoos on the hand. It makes the hand look light, delicate, fragile.  Is that really the image this guy was going for?

Two words:  Holy. Cow.

If you've already got a tattoo, there's not much you can do about it, but if you wear rings, for heaven's sake, take them off before heading out for your hookup.  You might be turned away at the front door.

See also: My Top 10 Turn-Offs.