The Boy Who Wouldn't Kiss

Levi, a tall, hirsute bear from Colorado, liked to tell this story as an entry in the "date from hell" contests:

West Hollywood, March 1990

Mickey was a short, muscular twink with thick brown hair, blue eyes, surprisingly red lips, and some acne on his cheeks. He had a smooth, hairless chest, big square hands, and a bubble butt.  Levi couldn't tell you about his cock. That was party of his mystery.

1. It was traditional in West Hollywood to tell your coming out story at a first meeting, but Mickey never said anything about his past -- or his present.  Levi never found out where he lived, what types of jobs he had, anything.  He never even got his telephone number.

2. Mickey never had any money.  Not that he was struggling financially -- he dressed nicely, obviously belonged to a gym, and brought nice gifts to dinner parties.  He literally carried no money or credit cards on his person.  If you took him out to eat, you paid.

3. He refused to go to the bars.  Not even "Mickey's," the twink bar in west West Hollywood.

4. There were huge gaps in his knowledge of everyday things.  He didn't know that you could get money from an ATM machine.  He didn't know that cars need oil changes.  When they went to the Japanese buffet, he piled his plate high, not realizing that he could go back.

5. But the big mystery: he didn't have sex.  Ever.

In West Hollywood, sex was a standard way of getting to know someone. You jumped into bed at the first meeting, offered to "share" with friends, went down on guys as readily as heterosexuals shake hands. To reject an offer was simply rude, unless you apologized and gave an explanation.  And the only acceptable explanations were "I have a fever of 102" and "My dog just died."

Mickey just...didn't.

Levi met him at the Change of Hobbit, the science fiction bookstore in Santa Monica.  Heterosexuals went there too, of course, but it took only a moment of cruising to recognize each other as gay.  Mickey rejected a grope, pushing Levi's hand away, but still accepted an invitation to dinner.  Probably afraid to do gay things in a heterosexual environment, Levi reasoned.

When Mickey arrived at the apartment, he hugged Levi and his current boyfriend Tom, but when they went in for a kiss, he moved his head away.  Later they sat on the couch watching tv, and each went in for a grope.  Mickey covered his crotch with a pillow.  They obviously weren't going to suggest "sharing" after such a rebuff!  Instead, they showed him the door.

To their surprise, Mickey suggested getting together again.  They went to the Japanese buffet, to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Mickey's choice), to Hollywood Boulevard to gawk at the tourists.

No groping, no kissing, no sharing.

They drove Mickey down to Long Beach for a birthday party for Tom's ex Charlie, which of course involved party games with prizes like "ten minutes in the bedroom with the guy of your choice."  Someone knelt to give Mickey a friendly blow job, but he crossed his legs.

Someone else cruised him, but when he went in for a kiss, Mickey turned his head away.

Later the guests split up into twos and threes to go into the bedrooms or go cruising at the bars. They drove home with Mickey, who left without "sharing."

"Hey, what's with your friend?"  Charlie asked later.  "He's a real wet blanket, isn't he?  Is he even gay?"

"Sure," Levi told him.  "He's totally into Johnny Depp on 21 Jump Street, and he drools over nearly every guy we see."

"So what's his story?"

Levi didn't know. During the next few days, he called most of the guys from the party to ask their opinion.  Speculation ran rampant.   HIV positive?  Suffering from internalized guilt over being gay?  Self-conscious about his small penis?  A Greek god, too good to sully his cock with a mortal mouth?

Levi had never even felt his cock.  Did he have one?  Maybe he was transgender.

(We hadn't heard of asexuals at the time).

His friend Boomer had an idea, "From what you've described, every time you try to get intimate with Mickey, it's been with more than one person around.  The Change of Hobbit.  The Japanese buffet.  The birthday party."

"When he comes to our apartment, it's always me and Tom, and sometimes some other guys," Levi added.

"Maybe he's shy in groups," Boomer told him.  "Maybe if you get him alone, he'll be all over you."

Levi grinned.

Here's what happened next:

When Mickey called and asked to get together again, Levi invited him to dinner, but first "I need some help: my friend Lane asked me to inspect one of the apartments he managed.  You know, to make sure that the cleaners did a good job, there's nothing broken, it's ready to move in.  Can you help?  I'll pay you."

Mickey agreed.   He met Levi at the apartment at 4:00 pm.  Levi handed him a clipboard, and they checked the windows and curtains in the living room, and the refrigerator, dishwasher, and garbage disposal in the kitchen.  When Mickey climbed on a foot ladder so he could check the top of the refrigerator, and Levi steadied him with hands on his waist.  When he knelt down to check under the sink, Levi "accidentally" fondled his butt.

Then they went into the bedroom.  The "tenants" had left a futon behind.  "Do you think we can move this out by ourselves?"  Levi asked.

Mickey shrugged.  He got on one side, and Levi on other.  But Levi "slipped," fell down onto the futon, and pulled Mickey down with him.  They stared at each other for a moment, and Levi moved in for a kiss.

Mickey jumped up.  "I'm tired," he said.  "Do you mind if I wait in the car?"

"No, but..."  Now Levi was angry.  "Hell, Mickey, what's the problem.  If you're going to live in West Hollywood, there are some things you have to do.  Like let a guy suck your cock every now and then."

He blushed crimson, making the acne stand out on his face.  "I know, but...well, I'm sort of nervous.  I've never had sex before.  Or kissed.  Or had a date."

Or kissed.  Or had a date?

"Mom and Dad are always trying to push me into asking a girl for a date, but I'm getting out of it.  I told them not until I had my driver's license. Man ,if they knew I'm gay...."

Um...

It seems that Mickey was only fifteen years old.