On November 19th, 1986, my roommate Alan the ex-porn star, who kept trying to steal my boyfriends, threw me a surprise birthday party. After the present-unwrapping and cake, he introduced Raul and me to an older, balding guy named Scott and asked "What do you think?" .
"I'll need to see them in action, of course. But they certainly have the right look."
"Um...thanks?" I turned to Alan for an explanation.
"Surprise! Guess what -- that pocket organizer wasn't your only present. I set you up to star in Scott Masters' new movie!"
He was the head of Nova Studios, a major producer of.... I reddened. "You want me to do porn?"
"Alan recommended you and Raul," Scott said. "It's a great script: funny and romantic, not just sex. That's why we want lovers, to add verisimilitude."
"But...I'm not an actor." I had a brief modeling career in college, but no nudity, and certainly no sex.
"You don't need to act. Just do what you do anyway. $800 a day for a guaranteed five-day shoot."
The script didn't require a lot of memorization. In old Spanish California, Rodrigo (my character), falls in love with Paco (Raul), an apprentice monk at the mission.
But Paco is secretly the kept boy of the homophobic Archbishop "Farwell" (a play on Jerry Falwell). There's a duel that ends with a three-way encounter.
A few days later we drove to a house in the Hollywood Hills to film some of the bedroom and pool scenes (yes, the old Spanish mission had a pool.). I wondered who would be playing Farwell. Boomer Stryker? Kip Noll?
I didn't find out until he walked through the door -- Alan!
Was this all just a set-up to trick with Raul?
We were going to shoot the Farwell-Paco first. That meant I had to watch Alan and my boyfriend together!
"They're just acting!" I told myself over and over. I started thinking of last September, when my date wandered into Alan's bed. And a year ago, when Alan and I were dating, and he cheated on me with a Norwegian con artist. And now he was with Raul. They were kissing...and groping...and kissing...with obvious enthusiasm!
I couldn't take it anymore!
"Get off him!" I ran over and pulled Alan away. "He's my boyfriend! You always do this! Every time I meet a guy, you horn in...."
They looked up at me quizzically.
"No ad libbing!" the director yelled.Flushed with embarrassment and anger, I stumbled away. "I'll...I'll be waiting in the car."
Raul followed, saying something like "It's just a job, man..."
The aftermath:
1. The film was never completed, but we did get paid for two days of shooting.
2. Alan forgave me: "I know you have hangups about monogamy."
3. Raul and I broke up, but not over that. We stayed friends, and reconciled a few months later, after my celebrity boyfriend dumped me.
4. Nova Studios went bankrupt. But surely that's not my fault.
See also: Alan's Arrests.
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