Monday, August 29, 2016
The Boy Who Liked Grandpas
I put "No Daddy fetishes" in my online hookup profile, because otherwise I would get pick-up lines like "Daddy, I've been bad! Punish me!" every five seconds.
Daddy fetishists are everywhere. Half the twinks I've met are interested in being dominated by an older guy with a deep voice and chest hair.
But last night was the first time I ever met a Grandpa fetishist.
"Hi, Grandpa!" a twink with the screen name Friends First said.
I assumed that he was just trying to be mean, so I didn't respond.
Then: "Do you have a present for me, Grandpa?"
"I'm not old enough to have a grandson of legal age, dagnabit," I answered.
But then I calculated. I graduated from high school in May 1978. If I...ugh...impregnated a woman on the night of my high school graduation, my son would be born in late January 1979. He would graduate from high school in 1997. If he...ugh..... impregnated a woman on the night of his high school graduation, my grandson would be born in January 1998,
And be 18 years old today. Legal.
The 17 year old I dated last week was young enough to be my grandson.
I contacted Friends First again. "Ok, I'm just barely old enough to be a grandfather, if both me and my son had kids as teenagers. But I have a 48" chest and 16" biceps, and I can bench press 300. Not many grandpas can do that."
"The hot grandpas can. Will you let me sit on your lap, Grandpa?"
Getting into the spirit of the exchange, I channeled Grandpa Simpson: "Dagnabit, in my day, young whipper-snappers respected their elders, they didn't invite them to go spooning like some tarted-up Gibson Girl."
He responded with four nude selfies: slim, with thick black hair, a smooth chest, average penis.
"Are you sure you're 18, kiddo?"
"I get that all the time. I'm 25. How old are you?"
None of your business, Sonny! "Old enough that even my fake age gets me senior citizen discounts."
He responded: "Hot! Grandpa got moves!"
"Ok, you can come over, if you drop the Grandpa jazz."
"But that's what makes it fun...."
I tried to imagine what the attraction was in Grandpas. Fathers were disciplinarians; they laid down the law. You approached a Daddy to be dominated, even punished.
But grandfathers, relieved from the day-to-day tasks of childrearing, were all about fun. They gave you presents, took you out for ice cream.
They were among the few adults allowed to hug you, hold you, put you in their laps. But since they lived far away and didn't see you often, the touch didn't become familiar. It had an erotic thrill.
So: grandfathers actually offered more erotic potential than fathers.
Friends First introduced himself as Sam. He took his shirt off, but not his pants. He wouldn't kiss. He sat me down on the couch, fondled my chest and abs, and then unzipped and went down on me. He was competent at oral, and very enthusiastic, so I finished quickly. Afterwards I tried to go down on Sam, but he didn't become aroused.
"Sorry, Grandpa. I only like giving, not getting. You can f___ me if you want."
Suddenly Sam became serious. "Well, you know, less than 1% of the adult male population is over 60, and most of them are not into young guys, or not into sex at all, so I don't meet a lot of Grandpas. Some in their 60s, a few in their 70s. I'm still hoping to cross the 80s barrier."
"Wow. What's the youngest?"
"Other than fooling around with guys my age? 50, I guess."
"I'm beginning to feel too young for you."
"You are, a little. But you'll grow into it. That's the nice thing about liking old guys -- they just get better and better." He knelt and began fondling and kissing my penis. "About ready for another round?"
"In a little while. You know, I run into a lot of Daddy fetishists, but you're the first guy I've met who is into the Grandpas."
"Go to Japan. They have tons of elder porn. They call it Father Moon. Probably as many people are attracted to old guys as kids."
"You've really done your research."
"How can I not? I mean -- look at this penis. It was getting aroused, climaxing in guys' mouths and butts, back in the 1960s!"
"1970s. Late 1970s."
Well, you can't argue with his enthusiasm, but I think I'll stick to being a twink magnet.
And by the way, his Dad was born when I was five years old.
See also: Erotic Story about Me and My Grandpa #1: Wrestling Moves