Another email celebrity hookup story:Hollywood, September 1963.
In 1963 my ex-boyfriend Steven was a 21-year old Cute Young Thing, newly arrived from Georgia with aspirations of becoming a great director (he ended up in human relations). This isn't him, of course, but it's close to his look in those days, before he hippied out: thick brown hair, Clark Kent glasses, flawless skin. This guy's dick is a little smaller.
Steven's first job in the business was as a production assistant on The Judy Garland Show (1963-1964) at CBS Television City, which as you remember is that gigantic pillbox on Fairfax. Judy Garland was 41 years old, well past her heyday at MGM, and though she could still draw a crowd of middle-aged gay men, the younger generation found her insufferably square -- and way too pushy.
They didn't have the term "sexual harassment" back then, but everybody knew that there were two people in Hollywood that you should never be alone with: Liberace, who would grope you as soon as talk to you, and Judy Garland.
Garland didn't like twinks or Cute Young Things, but there was no man over 30, stage hand, dancer, or guest star, who was safe from her grabby hands and open-mouthed kisses. She had no sense of decorum: she would grab your crotch while saying hello. Even in front of the camera: the studio audience noticed that she was fondling the guest stars, and the president of CBS [Michael Dann] had to tell her to tone it down.
It was a major problem. She didn't care if you were married or single, into her or not, if her husband Sid Luft or one of her kids was in the room. She liked the gay men the best: a challenge, I guess.George Maharis, the gay but closeted beefcake star, signed on for a September 1963 episode [air date October 20th]. He had just been kicked off Route 66 due to the gay rumors (ironically replaced by his own ex-boyfriend Glenn Corbett), and he needed the exposure. He could show off his comedy and singing talent to a new audience, maybe get a sitcom, like his gay friend Jim Nabors (Gomer Pyle, USMC, 1962-1969).
But he didn't realize that Judy was so grabby. When they met, she greeted him with a full-body hug and an open-mouth kiss.
He backed off in shock, but she said "I know a lot of women have tried and failed, but I have something they don't have. Clout. I can make one phone call, and you'll have your own show next season. We'll put it on right after mine -- won't that be cozy?"
As they rehearsed, it slowly dawned on George that Judy invited him on the show with the explicit goal of "showing him her trailer," code for getting him in the sack.
Steven, the very cute, friendly-but-not-grabby production assistant, invited him out for a drink and confirmed his fears. Jerry Van Dyke was supposed to be a regular, but when he refused "the trailer" -- he was happily married -- he was canned.
Bobby Darrin tried to refuse too, but Judy threatened to use her clout to get him black-listed."Fortunately, she hasn't laid a finger on me," Steven said. "She's not interested in young guys. I suspect she doesn't want to compete with Liza [her daughter, 17 year old Liza Minelli]. Hey, maybe you should start dating Liza -- that might make Judy back off."
George shuddered. "Out of the frying pan, into the fire. I've never been with a woman before -- I don't think I could perform, regardless of whether it's Liza or Judy or Marilyn Monroe."
"Me, either," Steven agreed.
"But my career is on shaky ground, with the gay rumors. It couldn't take a k-o from Judy's clout."
Steven touched him on the shoulder. "I can take care of it. The key is to make her think she's rejecting you, not getting rejected. And I know how.
The next day, before the filming, Judy grabbed George's arm. "You've been putting me off all week, but today you're definitely getting a tour of that trailer," she said, not kind or flirtatious but with a forceful glare.
"Oh, I've been looking forward to it," George said, patting her hand. "But could I bring a friend along? My friend is a big fan, and would love your autograph."
"I don't do trios," Judy said sternly. "I couldn't possibly share you with another woman."
"This is a man."
"Oh -- well, that's different. I had no idea that you were that sort of fellow, Georgie. It makes men considerably more charming, don't you think?" All smiles. Judy told her assistant "Leave us be for an hour," and led George away.
"So, who is this mystery lover?" Judy asked. "Glenn Corbett, I hope?"
"It's a surprise."
When they arrived at the trailer, Steven was already there -- one of his jobs was to restock the fridge with snacks. Before Judy could speak, George rushed up and kissed him. Steven wrapped his arms around his waist and grabbed onto his butt.
"This is your friend, I take it," Judy said dryly. "Isn't it close to his bedtime?"
George began fondling Steven's penis. He immediately started to tent. "I'm 21, Ma'am. Big fan."
"I can see that, Junior. Shouldn't you be out somewhere, trying to win a boy scout merit badge?"
Steven laughed. "Very funny, Ma'am."
"The old chestnuts are the best, aren't they?" George asked. He began to nuzzle Steven's neck. "Timeless, like an old bottle of wine."
"It was my Grandma who got me into your work..." Steven continued."Grandma, huh?"
George pushed him into another kiss. Steven tore his shirt off, putting his smooth, slim twink chest on display.
"Um...she used to baby sit me, and she let me watch your old movies on the late show. From when she was a little girl. They were fascinating, like a time machine taking me into the distant past...."
"Oh, yes, Hollywood in the old day. Orange groves and dinosaurs."
George fell to his knees, unzipped Steven's pants, and started going down on him. Steven grabbed his head and thrust into his mouth.
"George said you wouldn't mind...if I tagged along," Steven murmured between thrust. "I like old ladies...I mean, ladies..."
That was enough for Judy. She swung about abruptly and headed for the bedroom. "Include me out, kiddies."
"Are you sure?" George called. "I don't mind...."
The taping went on as usual. Judy did nothing to hurt George's career: he worked steadily through the 1980s. But Steven was fired the next day.
Steven stayed friends with George Maharis for many years,but they had lost contact by the time we started dating in 1992.
They're lucky that the "remind Judy of her advancing age" strategy worked. What would they have done if she agreed to a bisexual menage-a-trois?
See also: Get Your Beefcake on Route 66.
Steven must have been kidding about his grandmother. If he was 21 in 1963, he was born in 1942, and his grandmother couldn't have been born later than than about 1900. Judy Garland made her first movie in 1935.
ReplyDelete