The Great North is a Fox animated sitcom about a quirky Alaskan family, including 16 year old Ham, who has a canonical boyfriend, Crispin.
It was the first week of the fall semester at Lone Moose High School, and Crispin was stoked: three classes with Ham! He was grateful for every moment they spent together, even if it was side-by-side listening to a boring history lecture. Ham was not only his first boyfriend, he was the first guy (and the only guy) that Crispin had ever danced with, held hands with, kissed... well, just about everything.
Cedar Falls, Michigan wasn't exactly gay-friendly: the public library kept gay-themed books in a locked "adults-only" section, and the priest at his church often gave homilies on the twin evils of abortion and "homosexuality." So coming out was not an option.
When they moved to Lone Moose last year, Crispin figured that he'd have to be closeted here, too, but Ham was so open and honest -- so guileless (a word from AP English), and his family so...supportive. No, that was the wrong word. You can't be supportive when there's nothing to support. Being gay was exactly like having red hair, or being left handed. They would be shocked to discover that it bothered some people.
Ham was waiting for Crispin outside the school -- with his twin sister and younger brother, Judy and Moon. Crispin frowned. They were always together. Sometimes he envied their closeness; it was tough being an only child. But...they were always together. He had to sneak Ham into a supply closet in the chem lab for a little make-out time. Most of their dates were actually family dates, going to one of Lone Moose's many weird festivals with Judy, Moon, Ham's older brother, his brother's wife, and their Dad.
Sometimes they could get a little privacy in Ham's room -- maybe five minute's worth, before someone barged in to offer snickerdoodles or ask for help on a school report, or just snoop. Once Judy came in so abruptly that Ham had to hide behind a desk, while Crispin pretended that he was looking for a pencil he had dropped on the floor (Ham was the first guy he had done that with, too.)
Ham said "Morning, Babe" and kissed him -- in front of his siblings! Crispin still found that amazing. And they walked hand in hand down the hall!
They had World History and Biology together, and then Ham went off to his art class, and Crispin had gym. This semester they were going to work on weight training -- a welcome change of pace from the usual baseball, basketball, and football (Crispin had never been to a sports match in his life.)Whoa, who was that man-mountain curling 45 pound dumbbells (top photos)? Crispin had never seen muscles like that outside a bodybuilding magazine. Was he even a teenager?
"Hot, huh?" his friend Troy asked, nudging him.
Crispin felt his face go flush. "Who, that guy?"
"Derek. He transfered from a school in Colorado. The wrestling coach, football coach, and hockey coach are all courting him."
"Um..he's not my really my time. He's trying too hard. If you have too many muscles, I wonder what you're trying to hide." Suddenly Crispin wondered what he was trying to hide. Was he a giant down below? What would it be like to... He stopped, feeling guilty. Did imagining an act count as cheating on your boyfriend?
"Too bad -- I invited him to the first meeting of Film Club tonight."
Ugh -- their lockers were side by side. Derek stripped down -- no need to imagine anymore -- and suddenly noticed that Crispin was looking a little too intently. He held out his hand. "You're Crispin, right?
Crispin offered him a fist-bump. Holding his hand, even in the form of a handshake would make him feel guilty. "Um...right. Crispin Cienfuegos. It means..."
"A hundred fires -- Troy told me. I'm Derek, another transplant from the Lower 48. Midland, Michigan, only a few miles down the road from Cedar Falls. Hey, maybe we saw each other at a football game."
Crispin giggled nervously. "Gee, Troy has told you a lot about me. You probably know my shoe size....9 1/2...I'm kind of big down there..." Why did he say that?
Fortunately, Derek ignored the sexual implication. "He did tell me that you're going to run for president of the Film Club."
"Oh, yeah, I'm totally psyched." Crispin was relieved to talk about something that couldn't be turned into a sexual double entendre. But couldn't this guy put on his underwear? "I'm hoping that we can organize a Depressing French Film festival. I'm really into the darkness of the human soul."
"Beats being chipper all the time." Derek put a huge meaty hand on his shoulder. "Hey, after Film Club, we should hang out. I need someone to show me around town."
"Um...well, I was going to go to the Mall with my....friend." Why didn't he say "boyfriend"? Was he afraid of coming out to someone who might be homophobic, or did he want Derek to think that he was available?
"Well, his brother and sister will be there too. You don't want to hang out with them, believe me."
"Ok, then, some other time."
"Definitely, for sure! Later, Derek." Resisting the urge to move in -- for a kiss? -- Crispin grabbed his backpack and practically ran out the door.
Troy chased him into the hallway. "So, how did it go?"
"How did what go?"
"You know what. You and Derek were gazing at each other like this was a meet-cute in a romcom. Did you ask him out?"
"No, of course not. I don't even know if he's gay..."
"Dude, no guy who looks at you like that is straight."
"And I have a boyfriend, remember?"
"Crispin, you're sixteen. This is your time to meet new people, try new things, kiss hot boys. Who says that just because you make out with a guy, he's your soul mate? Do you know how many high school sweethearts stay together forever?"
"But...Ham is the nicest boy I've ever met. And a good kisser...."
"Compared to who?"
Crispin was starting to get angry. "Troy, I know you don't like Ham..."
"I like him. He's just a little weird..."
"I know you think Ham's a little weird, but his quirks are what I love about him. I don't need a lot of muscles, or a gigantic..." He paused, remembering the locker room. Why was he so obsessed with how Derek looked naked?
"Can you discuss depressing French films with him?"
At the first Film Club meeting, Crispin easily won the presidential election with 9 votes, and got an enthusiastic reception to his idea of the Depressing French Film Festival. They started brainstorming films: Jules and Jim, of course, and Breathless, and.....
"Plein Soleil!" Derek exclaimed.
Crispin had never heard of it.
"It's Purple Noon in English. Forbidden desire, an ambiguously gay couple, and murder. We could get a lot of bodies into seats with just the poster: Alain Delon with his shirt off!" He pulled up a picture on his cell phone.
"Impressive." Hot, muscular, and a film buff! Was the universe deliberately torturing him?
After the meeting, Crispin stayed behind to rearrange the chairs and clean up the refreshment table, and of course Derek wanted to help.
"Hey, I heard that there's a Lost Snowshoe" festival this weekend," he said. "Do you know what that's about."
Crispin shrugged. "I'm not sure. This town has quirky festivals nearly every weekend. I imagine that they'll have a one-snowshoe race, and maybe sell ice cream in a snowshoe-shaped cone."
He laughed. "That sounds ridiculous, but fun. Do you want to go?"
"Um..." Ham would certainly be there, with his family, as usual. Crispin could get an invitation to go with them, if he wanted, but that's all he would be: a tagalong. A "friend of the family." He loved Ham, but did Ham have enough room in his life for a boyfriend?
"Sure, I'd be happy to," he found himself saying. "It's a date...er, I mean...I'll meet you by the ticket booth at 10:00. Gotta go." Don't kiss him! Crispin told himself. Just move your feet out the door.
Two days and nights of casual conversations with Derek, sexual double-entendres from Troy, and Ham, beautiful, innocent, trusting. Crispin rehearsed a dozen conversations: I'm not breaking up with you, I just think we should explore new things, meet new people. We're young, we're still trying to figure out what we want in life. It's not that I don't love you, it's just...do you know how many people stay with their high school sweetheart forever...
On Saturday morning, at 10:00 am sharp, Crispin walked toward the ticket booth at the Lost Snowshoe Festival. Derek waved. He was wearing very cool sunglasses, a muscle shirt that showed off his biceps, and very , very tight jeans.
Crispin rushed forward to hug him. "Hi, Derek. I'm so stoked to be giving you a taste of the real Lone Moose. He gestured behind him. "And this is my boyfriend Ham and his family."
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