Rev. Jasper's Boys

West Hollywood, September 1987

I don't remember where I met Rev. Jasper.  Not at MCC, maybe at Evangelicals Together, the gay evangelical network in West Hollywood.  He was in his 40s, a little taller than me, and very muscular,  thick and heavy, with a furry chest.

A bit too old for me: in West Hollywood, you were expected to date within a 5 year age range, and in the summer of 1988, I was only 27 years old.

But he had most of the characteristics I find attractive, including being a clergyman: he was a minister at a gay-friendly American Baptist church in Gardena, about 45 minutes south of West Hollywood.

There aren't any Baptist churches near Gardena that are gay-friendly today, so I doubt that there were any 30 years ago.  Rev. Jasper was probably just feeding me a line.

On our first date,  we had dinner at the French Quarter, and he tried to impress me with his knowledge of Hebrew, Greek, and Latin.  But he got some basic dates in biblical history wrong, and he had a weird theory about Leviticus:

"The Bible is the literal Word of God, no doubt about it, but you have to interpret it right.  For instance, in Leviticus, thou shalt not lie with man as with woman.  Well, how do you lie with man as with woman?  You lie on top of him, and he puts his legs in the air.  So no Greek (anal).  But God doesn't say anything about French (oral)."

But he was muscular, with a thick neck and black eyebrows, so I invited him home.

He liked oral, getting but not giving.  Not a problem.  The only thing I didn't like was his annoying habit of calling me "nice boy, good boy" during the Act.  I felt like a puppy dog.

On our second date, you always introduce him to your friends, so Raul and Heinz invited us over to watch a movie.

This date didn't go as well.  Rev. Jasper was practically drooling over Raul, even suggested sharing on the second date!  Plus he told us about another weird theory.

There were 8 sexes, 4 anthropomorphic (male) and 4 gynecomorphic (female):

Masculine/feminine men
Masculine/feminine boys
Masculine/feminine women
Masculine/feminine girls

And you are only attracted to other sexes, so masculine men are never into other masculine men, for instance, only feminine men, boys, women, or girls.

"Um, excuse me!"  I exclaimed.  "I'm only into masculine men, and I'm plenty masculine!"

He said "Are you really?"

Ok, this would be our last date!  "What about Raul, my ex boyfriend?  He's plenty masculine too!"

"He's still a boy.  A very hot one, I might add."

Raul was 24.  So by boy, Rev. Jasper meant twink.  

Didn't he?

I didn't call Rev. Jasper again, but I don't think he noticed.  The moment the 48 hour waiting period was over, he called Raul for a date.

Fine with me.

So they began dating.  Raul told me that Rev. Jasper was interesting to talk to, and very nice in bed, except for his annoying habit of saying "Good boy, nice boy" during the act.

"I'm not a boy!" Raul exclaimed.  "I'm a grown-up man, ese!"

"He just means a twink,". I said.

"It's still disrespectful."

I shrugged. "Then break up with him."

Raul smiled.  "Did you see what he looks like naked?  I can stand being a boy for a chance at that sausage.  And he has some interesting things to say about the Bible..."

Then, just after their fifth or sixth date, Raul called, bubbling over with excitement.  "My brother Manny is coming for a visit!"

Raul's parents were very conservative Pentecostals.  They weren't happy with him being gay, but they were trying to learn tolerance.  So agreeing to let Manny visit was a major victory.

"We'll have so much fun!" he continued.  "We'll go to Knotts Berry Farm, and Mann's Chinese Theater, and the beach.  And I'll introduce him to all my friends, so he can go home and tell Mama and Papa that gays aren't monsters."

On Friday Raul and I drove down to Escondido, about two hours away, to pick Manny up and take him out to dinner at Mel's Diner in Hollywood.  There were six of us: Raul, me, and four of his friends, including Rev. Jasper.

Manny was 14, cute, energetic, and very nonchalant about Raul's gayness.  He asked thoughtful questions about who called who for the date, who paid, and how you stayed friends after breaking up.

On Saturday, Raul and Manny went out on their own to tour Hollywood and the Santa Monica Pier.

On Sunday, Raul, Manny, and I went to church at the MCC, and then we drove him home.


On Monday, Raul called.  "That's all! I'm not dating Rev. Jasper any more."

"Why?" I asked, surprised.  "What happened?"

"Oh, he's good...he's smooth...but come on, I'm not stupid. When Manny was visiting, his eyes got all big, he talked to him like that, asked him questions like that."

My face started to burn.  "You mean..."

There was dead silence on the line.

"I didn't notice anything inappropriate," I began.  "When he says boy, he means twink....um, doesn't he?"

"He calls me today, he wants to invite me and Manny to Bear Mountain."


"Um...well, that sounds innocent.  He's just being nice to his boyfriend's brother."

"But wait -- he says 'Manny is such a cute boy!  Such a good boy!'"

Ok, that sounded a lot like Rev. Jasper's pillow talk.

"Then he says 'Do you think Manny liked me?  When can I see him again?'"  Like he wants a date! First you, and then me, I'm still a boy, and now Manny!  Pendejo!"

Ok, no more Rev. Jasper.

See also: Preachers, Priests, and Monks on my Dating List