What Heterosexuals Do in Bed

Here's a mind-boggler.  If these 16 guys are representative of the population, 14 of them have had sex with women!

90% of the male population has done it. Heterosexuals and bisexuals do it regularly.  Sometimes they go to a great deal of trouble to find female partners to do it with.

Even some gay men have done it, prior to recognizing that they are gay, though I can't imagine how.

A few years ago, a hetero guy told me: "I'm not gay, so when I think about what you do in bed, it makes me nauseous, physically ill."

I was too shocked to respond at the time, but in l'esprit d'escalier, I have 3 questions.

1. How does he know what I do in bed?  He's never been invited.

2. Why does a heterosexual spend so much time thinking about gay sex?

3. Is finding gay sex disgusting normal for heterosexuals, or does it mean that they are homophobic?

I can answer #3.  I'll think about...gulp...hetero sex, and see if it makes me sick.

I have a pretty good idea of how hetero sex works, from movies, hetero acquaintances' descriptions, and the transman I hooked up with who still had lady parts beneath the belt.  The procedure has 8 steps.

1. First, you need to get your penis aroused.  Hetero guys typically do this the same way that gay guys do, through kissing and fondling their partner.

Wait -- why would you want to fondle a woman?  She's got nothing of interest.  Is it ok if I imagine kissing and fondling the hetero guy instead?

Once your penis is aroused, you can engage in the main hetero act, called coitus, heterosexual intercourse, or "making love." 

2. You put a condom and lube on. 

3. You politely ask her to put her legs in the air.

4.  Feeling around, you should be able to find her vagina, an opening at the base of her crotch.  She urinates through a different opening, so don't get them mixed up.









5, Next, you insert your aroused penis into her vagina, somehow stay aroused, and move it back and forth.

6. While this is happening, you can kiss her, fondle her, and so on.

Wait...how do you stay aroused?

7. The friction will result in an orgasm in five to ten minutes, depending on your age and the time since your last orgasm.

If you and your partner prefer, she can do the work by straddling you while you're supine.

So far I don't see anything particularly sickening.  Anal sex with gay men uses the same procedure. 

8. If she wants an orgasm, too, you can position your penis in such a way that it stimulates something called a clitoris.  But this is very difficult, and almost never happens.  Women usually achieve orgasm through oral sex, which you can engage in after or instead of the coitus.

Now, that I can get into.  Not with a woman, of course, but I go to great lengths to find male partners for oral sex.

Ok, writing and editing that scenario, plus uploading the pictures, took about fifteen minutes.  Fifteen minutes thinking about hetero sex, and I'm not disgusted.  I can't figure out why anyone would want to do it, but chacun à son goût.

Conclusion: hetero and gay sex are the same thing, just with different partners.  Getting nauseous at the thought of gay sex doesn't mean that you're heterosexual, it means that you are homophobic.