My Most Humiliating Hookup

Plains, July 2018

What's more humiliating in dating app hookups:

1. He sees your face pic and then instantly blocks you.

2. He shows up, but gets a deer-in-headlights look of horror in his face the moment you open the door, makes an excuse, and scrams.

3. He gets up halfway through the blow job and leaves.

I got #3 yesterday.

The guy's been bugging me on Grindr for awhile. His profile name is "Looking," with a picture of his chest.  His profile consists of two sentences: "I don't party.  Don't tap."

Tapping is a Grindr feature allowing you to indicate interest without saying anything.  Lots of guys hate it.  I can't see why.  What's wrong with a guy indicating that he finds you attractive?

Looking has a one-word come-on: "Looking?" at odd hours of the morning and evening.  I've gotten around six of them.

Finally I gave up and decided to give him an interview.

Looking: Looking?

Me:  Sure.  But I'm into oral, not anal (might as well get that out of the way first).

Looking:  That's fine.

Me: I'm into giving oral only, no recip.  (I had already had an orgasm earlier).

Looking: That's fine.  Got poppers?

Me:  No.

Looking:  That's fine.  Got a pic?

Me: Only if you have one.  A face pic, I mean.

[I sent him a face pic.  He sent me one with his chest and half of his face on display.

Looking: Ok.  Where.

[I gave him my address.  15 minutes passed. I assumed he decided it was too far, got freaked out by something, or otherwise changed his mind.

Looking:  Sit tight.  Be right there....Nearby, almost there....I'll be there soon.

A moment later, he was knocking on the door.  Tall guy, in his 30s, short black hair, black beard, maybe Middle Eastern ancestry, wearing a red athletic shirt and athletic shorts.  Dazed look, as if he was high.

Me: Would you like to sit down or lie down?

Looking:  I think I'll sit.

I brought him into the living room and asked him to drop his pants and sit down on the couch.  He pulled out a huge cock; very thin, rope-like, two handfuls, so about 10 inches soft.

"This is going to be trouble," I thought.  "Those things never get hard."

I started going down on him, managed to go up and down on the whole thing, kissed and licked his head, then moved down the shaft to his balls.  He began to get a little aroused, not much.

I tried masturbating him while working on his head.  A little aroused.

Looking:  It takes me a long time to come.

Me:  That's ok.  I don't mind.

I went down on him while squeezing his balls.

Kissed and licked his chest while masturbating him. 

Ran my tongue up and down his shaft.

I tried all of my tricks, but he never got all the way hard.

Looking:  It's not happening.

Me: Do you want me to go faster or slower? Use my hand?  Work on your balls?

Looking:  It's not happening.  Sorry, I gotta go.

He stood, pulled up his pants, and made his way to the door.

#1 is just a comment on your face.  The guy probably didn't realize that you were over 50, in spite of the age in your profile.

#2 could mean that the guy is a skittish down-low who didn't realize that you lived so close to his office, or saw a car drive by, or heard a noise in the yard.

But #3 is a comment on your sexual prowess, your ability to get the job done.